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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My partner's parenting roles

37 replies

SamL123 · 11/04/2022 13:35

Me and my partner have been together for 9 years and have a 9 month old daughter. At the moment my partner works 2 hours, 4 days a week (Mon-Thurs. 3pm-5pm) he barely does any of the parenting and housework, plays video games most of the time, goes to be at 4am and get up after 1pm. He secretly smokes weed in our living room where our babies things are 😠 and spends our money on a Yu-Gi-Oh mobile card game to the point I panic how I'm going to feed us all. Is it really unreasonable of me to expect him to be up with me when our baby is up, help around the house a bit and do some of the care of our baby... It's not like he's working all the time and I'm now feeling very fed up of being mum to a man child 😵 and I'm so stressed it's making me sick

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 11/04/2022 13:37

Why are you putting up with this. Why is he only working that amount and no doing anything else?

Teacupsandtoast · 11/04/2022 13:38

Has he always been like this? Why on earth would you have a child with him if so? It doesnt sound like he contributes anything to your life - would it be easier without him? And how stupid does he have to be to think he can secretly smoke weed....it's honking!

JanetPluchinsky · 11/04/2022 13:38

This is very easy.

Throw him out. Change the locks.

Chickychoccyegg · 11/04/2022 13:38

You would be completely unreasonable if you didn't chuck this lazy waster of a man child out.
You'll be much happier without him

AffIt · 11/04/2022 13:44

I'm really looking forward to the OP's rationale of a) why she is with this man, b) why she chose to have a child with him and c) why she continues to stay with him, because presumably there must be a reason. Surely.

(Also, 'secretly' smoking weed? Of all the things you can do secretly, smoking weed is not one of them.)

Catflapkitkat · 11/04/2022 13:47

Did you think he would change?

You can expect all you want (and you wouldn't be unreasonable at all) but my money is on nothing changing. You are a single parent to a horrid teenager and a baby. Best thing you can do for yourself is to re-home the teen-ager

Good luck OP

Unanananana · 11/04/2022 13:48

Oh christ, not another one. Feckless, druggie, workshy wasters. So many of them!

Wait for the 'but I lurves him'.

What exactly is there to love?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/04/2022 13:49

You chose to have a child with this person, he hasn't suddenly become like this, so either stay with him and do everything or leave and do everything for you and your DC . The second option would be best

Jk987 · 11/04/2022 13:50

I'm in shock at how little he does. He's not there to help you out, he should be there to share the parenting responsibilities as equally as possible. Are you on maternity leave? What will happen when you're back at work?

How does he pay rent/mortgage/bills/baby products on 8 hours a week?

Do you love him OP?

You can definitely do this on your own, you already are. There is someone way better out there in the future for you.

escapingthecity · 11/04/2022 13:51

Has he been like this all of the 9 years you've been together? Why doesn't he work more? Who pays your rent/mortgage if he works so little? He sounds like a total deadweight.

TooMuchPaper · 11/04/2022 13:51

The weed smoking would be the final straw for me. He's a shit. Make sure you don't end up pregnant with another child with him.

TooMuchPaper · 11/04/2022 13:53

I see in your other post he stores the weed in baby bottles???

Natty13 · 11/04/2022 13:53

It's unreasonable of you to have had a baby with a man child. Children deserve dzds who show them how to be responsible adults, respect and love the mothers of their children. You've chosen a lazy idiot to father your child and its the baby I feel sorry for growing up with that example of a dad.

Leave, at least your child will have a good example of an adult at least 50% of the time.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2022 13:53

I assume he started smoking weed, barely working and spending all your money on gaming after the baby was born?

DogsAndGin · 11/04/2022 14:09

He sounds like a complete loser and waste of space. Why would you choose someone like that to be the father to your children?

DogsAndGin · 11/04/2022 14:09

@AnneLovesGilbert 100%

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/04/2022 14:12

Throw him out. Why haven't you already done this?

Original poster

SamL123 · 11/04/2022 14:44

I've tried to leave many times but he tells me he'll hurt himself and once said he'd hurt me and he won't leave.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 11/04/2022 14:49

Call the police and get this druggie out of your home.

Why would you bring a child into this environment?

He has threatened to hurt you?
This is a police matter then.

Your life and that of your child will be like this until YOU help yourself and make better choices.

Please help yourself.
Contact 101 and ask for advice.
Call Womens aid for support.

Your poor child being surrounded by this.

Briony123 · 11/04/2022 14:51

Assuming he has always been like this, and you've been together 9 years, then I actually think UABU to expect any different behaviour from him. He sounds like a waster but he always has been, surely?

LittleOwl153 · 11/04/2022 14:54

Leave. He won't hurt himself he's too selfish. He's just a lazy fecker who is bleeding you dry.

Move your benefit money to your account. He won't last long without money. He's spending your baby's money on drugs and phone games. To the point you can't afford to feed yourself? Pathetic!

Lsquiggles · 11/04/2022 14:54

@TooMuchPaper

I see in your other post he stores the weed in baby bottles???

Unanananana · 11/04/2022 14:56

@SamL123

I've tried to leave many times but he tells me he'll hurt himself and once said he'd hurt me and he won't leave.

Then call the police. Do everything you can to get away for the dake of your baby.

If you don't protect your child, he will be taken from you. Probably for the best so he doesn't grow up in that environment.

Ragruggers · 11/04/2022 14:57

You do know this is a terrible life don’t you?Is the flat in your name if so get him out if not you must leave.Do you have family who can help you.If he wants to harm himself that’s his problem,he is a waste of space.Your poor baby surely you want a different life for her re the money do you have your own account do notlet him have a penny.Good luck.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2022 14:57

@billy1966

Call the police and get this druggie out of your home.

Why would you bring a child into this environment?

He has threatened to hurt you?
This is a police matter then.

Your life and that of your child will be like this until YOU help yourself and make better choices.

Please help yourself.
Contact 101 and ask for advice.
Call Womens aid for support.

Your poor child being surrounded by this.

Oh FGS be a parent to your child and kick this druggie loser man child out.

Talk to your friends. Talk to your family. Talk to social services but get him out.

Smoking dope in your house with a 9-month old? You'll be done for neglect as well as him.

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