All I want is to become a mother and thinking of doing it purposely alone.

[Stanzasranza]

I've name changed for this as it may have the potential to be outing. I know this post is going to be more a ramble but it's absorbing all of my thoughts at the moment that seem to be going in all directions - maybe writing it down will help?!

I'm 28 and left a LTR last year as essentially he was a manchild, cocklodger and I developed the ick. We were planning on starting a family this year as I worked out the maths that I could afford to bring a child into the world (I paid for all of the mortgage/bills as it was while he was meant to be concentrating on clearing his debts... that only increased!)

In an ideal world I would have got out of that relationship and the perfect man would have fallen into my lap but that might actually take years.. or may never happen!

Deep down all I want is to become a mum, I really don't care about being a wife and the reason I work so bloody hard is to my future child/ren will have a better life than me. I've been broody since I was 15, i'm the crazy aunt who volunteers for all childcare, I'm a volunteer for a youth organisation, worked as an au pair x3, I've planned the garden four years ago for where the swingset will go and that where I live has good schools... (It's not just a 'I think babies are cute and i'm a bit bored with life...')

A family member has recently announced she's pregnant (She's a good mum but in her early twenties, second child, lives in a one bed flat and doesn't stand a chance of moving out unless the council classes her as overcrowded) and everyone is understandably excited but I can't help but feel bitter.

A couple of months ago I was feeling really down as this was meant to be the year and it seems years away. Out of curiosity I googled sperm donation and now I can't seem to shift it out of my mind that it's a good idea. Financially i'm somewhat secured, I have a good career, I'm on the property ladder, I'm an independent person that being alone doesn't necessarily mean lonely, and I have a large enough family that the child won't be short of love.

Obviously the massive downside is that my child wouldn't have a conventional upbringing but surely it's better to be a donor child than having a 'dad' thats half arsed and done a disappearing act or caught between solicitors as i've married someone that I wasn't compatible with?

As i'm obsessed (there's no over way to explain it and i'm usually a sane person) with falling pregnant I don't even feel like I can date properly. I seem to have a mental checklist of what i'm looking for and having an interview would be better suited than an actual date..

I've told myself to calm down, finish this career defining contract this year and next year to look more seriously into it.. but I've got the idea stuck in my head like it's a done deal.

Please feel free to talk me out of this or tell me that i'm bonkers... or even if you've got any advice as I've not got anything in real life yet.

Although there are benefits to having a supportive father for your child it is also manageable alone

I'm considering sperm donation. I already have 2 dc aged 7 and 5. I'm getting broodier and broodier as the years have gone by.

I fled a DV relationship from their father and we havnt seen him since my youngest was 8 months old. My reasons for sperm donation are at least none of them will have a dad.

I'm really considering it too

28 is very young, I had 6 children age 32 plus.

My DC's dad ended up not being involved, long irrelevant story. On the negative side, sometimes it is hard to have no one to share the ups and downs with. On the plus side, there was no split where I had to share custody, I would have hated that. It was down to me how they were raised, no arguments. I sometimes read threads here where I actually thank god that I got to do it alone! So many marriages end in divorce these days.

I see pp's points about waiting, so I'll give a different persective. Having a child at a younger age, you have more time with them in the long run. You'd be mid 40's when they left school. Plenty of time to focus on yourself again. Definitely get your fertility checked if you are going to wait though. You need to know it won't reduce your chances.

I didn't have my first until 32. Had three in the end, all easy. You are young. Parenting alone can be fantastic, but it's statistically better to have two, and it's certainly a lot easier. I'd wait personally, a couple of years anyway.

I was sperm donor conceived but my DM and DF were together and it was a fertility issue rather than just my DM going it alone. I think that's made a big difference in how little it's affected me compared to the stories of other donor-conceived children I read, many of whom seem to have struggled with it more. So although I think it's a great thing to be able to have a DC in this way (otherwise I wouldn't exist), I'd still be super cautious in your situation.

As others have said, you are still young, and by your own admission, you have gone a bit mad about the matter. Even if objectively it's not necessarily a crazy idea, the way you're feeling does sound like you're aware that you're not thinking straight, like you're all-consumed by this impetus and can't even date without the baby plan taking precedence. For this reason, I'd say it's better to get some counselling in the short term rather than a sperm donor. Having DC is of course a normal thing to want, but being so fixated on it to the exclusion of letting things take their course is not so normal. Maybe it's a hormonal thing, but regardless, it sounds like you might be helped with some techniques to get the matter in perspective. While the solo parenting route is an option, it's really not the ideal for someone your age and may not be the ideal for your DC, or any siblings they may go on to have if/when you do meet a DP. You have time, use it wisely. Plan ahead by all means, but there really is no rush and the fact you're acting like there is doesn't sound too healthy. I think you know that.