DS (17) has lost ambition for the future now he has a girlfriend. How best to handle?

[Rightlessmore]

DS is year 12. At the start of the year he was really enthusiastic, told me he was going to work really hard to get the high grades he needs to get into University etc.
He’s been going out with his girlfriend since last summer. She doesn’t want to go to university and wants to get a job after school. Gradually since the start of A’levels DS has become less and less interested in his future, he’s completely unwilling to discuss what he wants to do after school. He does enough at school but absolutely no more. He’s naturally very clever and gets away with it, but is capable of amazing results with a bit more effort.
I like his girlfriend and we’re very welcoming, but really don’t want her influencing him too much and limiting his future choices, which I fear is happening.
I really don’t know the best way to handle this Has anyone else been in this situation and can give me some advice?

@Genevieva

Tell him that if he wants to keep his girlfriend he needs to continue to be a good catch. If he flunks his exams and ends up in a miserable dead end job her eyes are more likely to be turned by someone with brighter prospects of a more comfortable adult life.

Wow spectacularly shit parenting advice there!

In other words if you don't get a great job your worthless and no woman will ever look at you.

Well that's one way to ensure your son attracts toxic females who are only with him for what they can get.

Great advice, not!!

Eh, a con? Would love to hear more.

I take my Y12 daughter for a day to the uni/career related facilities she is keen to progress to when if I sense she needs some motivation, it works wonders.

[quote ronaldmcdonald123456]@latetothefisting I thought it was quite common for teens here to work PT from 16/17[/quote]
Well it was when I was growing up too (only about 10-15 years ago), but whenever the question comes up on MN everyone seems to think "their education is their job" and DC need to concentrate on school. Then seem surprised when their dc struggle to fill out application forms or get interviews aged 21 when they don't have any work experience!

I've found my yr12 DD is far less mature than her older siblings at the same age - she doesn't want to go to university (older friends have had bad experiences) but doesn't seem to have fully grasped that she's about to become an adult with all that entails. She seems to have lost her love of learning after 2 years of on-off-virtual school and then 6th form is dull (covid knocked all the fun stuff out) but full-on. I'm hoping she takes a year out to grow up a bit, and then she might find herself inspired. It's not the only chance they'll get to decide on a career path - lots of the most interesting and successful adults I know didn't get it right first time.

@pizzacutterbun

Uni is a con unless it's something very specifically needed to enter his chosen career.

I quit A levels at 17 before I finished the course, recognises early on that earning my own money was much more appealing than being saddled with debt that will take forever to pay.

I did well. Work in IT with no formal qualifications and earn a decent salary with a tons of opportunity to earn more

Uni isn't the be all. You say his future, but what you mean is his educational future. He still has a future, this GF could be his long term success at life, she may be the mother of his children one day.

The key to life is happiness not uni

@pizzacutterbun

Do you think you could do the same today or has the world of work changed?

@BridgesofMadisonfan

Yes even more so. I'm mid senior and under 40. I've still got a 25 years left of career with a lot of earning potential.

None of my team ( ranging from age 25 to 55) have a degree or any specific technology qualification and we are all the same pay grade.

I also am responsible for employment and have been in the other 3 companies I've worked for and a degree was bottom of the list of requirements. Yeah it may tell me a person understand the technology of whatever they were taught at that particular time but it's a rapidly moving sector so having experience and ability to adapt and learn is the single most important thing I look for. I've hired some great people who have proven themselves ten fold.

I've also worked with grads straight out of uni. Their ego was far bigger than their knowledge. Not their fault really, they were sold the dream of a degree.

Degrees aren't for the elite anymore and that's not a bad thing as it's more accessible but it also dilutes their value

Most people (me included) go to Uni because it's what their friends are doing, it's what their parents and teachers expect, it's seen as 'the next step' if you're even slightly academic. A PP mentioned the educational 'conveyor belt' and that really captures it.

They end up doing courses which won't be helpful in their future careers, since of course most teenagers don't have a clue what they want to do with their lives.

No harm at all in a young person experiencing the wider world for a bit before deciding whether uni is for them. And please don't openly suggest the girlfriend is some kind of bad influence - you'll create a star-crossed lovers* situation out of what would usually turn out to be a short-lived romance.

*See? I did an English Lit degree and all I got were a few lame Shakespeare references