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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they were really nasty (or maybe I just need to toughen up)

69 replies

Somewhereovertherainbow98 · 10/04/2022 15:19

Not really an AIBU but just felt really upset and needed to rant 😥 I’ve NC but I’m a regular.

I had an unfortunate situation and it made me really upset, I’m probably just being dramatic but I’ve never felt so embarrassed and awkward.

I was at work and my period started suddenly. Its extremely irregular and I hadn’t had it for 3 months beforehand, and I hadn’t had any signs it was going to happen, so I wasn’t prepared at all for it and it was unfortunately a lot of blood. It was at the end of the day and i had sanitary products with me but they were in my bag in the staff room and I didn’t have any spare clothes, which I definitely needed before I could go home as it was a lot of bleeding. Everyone was trying to get out of work (the shop was closed) and they were like come on were going home and obviously I didnt want to draw attention to anything so I just wrapped my jacket round my waist and left. The shop I work in is in a shopping centre so I went straight into a clothes shop and bought a change of underwear and trousers just so I could get home.

I went to the toilets in the shopping centre to get changed, there was a cleaner there but she smiled when I went in and didn’t say anything about the toilets being almost closed or to be quick because they were closing. I started getting changed in a cubicle and then suddenly the lights went off. I realised they were closing and shouted out sorry I’m still in a cubicle!! And got an extremely rude ‘well hurry up we’re closing!’ At this point I was halfway through getting changed so I shouted back that I was so sorry and that I would be 30 seconds i was just quickly getting changed. They immediately started shouting at me that they toilets are for doing the toilet not getting changed and they started laughing loudly (at this point there was clearly another 1 or 2 cleaners with them) about why on earth would you be getting changed in a public toilet and that it’s dirty and laughing about it. I felt so embarrassed and it was horrible, I just shouted back that i was sorry it was just an unexpected girl problem (and hoped they would know what I meant) and then I heard them talking and laughing about it, including how I’d probably ‘shat myself’ and that I better not leave blood all over the toilets or leave the toilets a mess. One of them also shouted that I should use sanitary products and they all talked about how f*cking disgusting it was. I felt so upset and humiliated and was trying not to cry whilst also trying to leave as quickly as I could.

I got changed as quickly as I could and left as soon as I had quickly washed my hands (which caused them to get more annoyed at how long I was taking) and I quickly left the toilets and went back to my car and had a bit of a cry. I just felt so humiliated and embarrassed when I was in that cublicle and I thought as fellow females they would she’s understood how awful that situation can be sometimes.

Sorry to rant, I’m guilty of getting too upset with things and I’ve been told all my life I need to toughen up but this really upset me and made me feel horrible

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 10/04/2022 16:04

I would complain to the shopping centre.

Dentistlakes · 10/04/2022 16:06

That’s not on at all. I’m afraid I would complain to the management of the shopping centre. There’s a matter of privacy to be considered and these employees have crossed quite a serious line in my opinion. What they did should be a sackable offence.

yellowsuninthesky · 10/04/2022 16:08

@Dentistlakes

That’s not on at all. I’m afraid I would complain to the management of the shopping centre. There’s a matter of privacy to be considered and these employees have crossed quite a serious line in my opinion. What they did should be a sackable offence.
I agree. This sort of behaviour is really shocking and could eg cause a teenager serious embarrassment.

Unfortunately I suspect that the management of the shopping centre will be male and potentially not give a stuff, but you never know.

SkiingIsHeaven · 10/04/2022 16:26

Make a complaint

Original poster
Somewhereovertherainbow98 · 10/04/2022 17:03

Thanks so much everyone for being so kind. I’m usually too emotional and sensitive and I’ve always been told I need to toughen up because ridiculous things upset me, but I was so upset at this happening and as stupid as it sounds it’s actually really knocked my confidence. I felt so sick when I was in the cubicle and they were outside making those comments, like I just wanted to get out and run away from them but I was also so worried about going out because I didn’t want to have to face them. I just felt so humiliated and disgusting.

I know it doesn’t change what happened it’s a relief to know I wasn’t just being over sensitive by being upset by it.

I’m 23 so I’ve had my periods for a while but they’re so irregular it’s impossible to predict when I’ll get them. I’ve been to the doctors and there’s nothing wrong with me thankfully, it’s just the way I am which is a bit difficult but I’ve never had a problem like this before.

Because there was still shops open I just assumed the toilets were open too. I didn’t even think about them possibly closing or else I’d never have gone in as I wouldn’t want to delay other people from getting home too.

Just a horrible situation all round Sad x

OP posts:
EdgyNeonAnt · 10/04/2022 17:52

I'm not normally one for complaining, but agree that you should this time!
If it were me, after dragging my feet and "accidentally" spraying tap water all over the sink I'd also be forgetting to put my paper towel in the bin after drying my hands, at the very least. They should horrible.

avocadotofu · 10/04/2022 17:58

They were utterly horrible. Sending you hugs!

PinkiOcelot · 10/04/2022 17:59

Who the fuck voted that you were unreasonable?!

Definitely complain OP. They were horrible x

Feckaffoutofit · 10/04/2022 18:02

Bastards!

And they knew it.

mycatisannoying · 10/04/2022 18:02

You were treated horribly, OP. Sorry this happened and hope you're ok Thanks

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 10/04/2022 18:09

Get a complaint in OP. How deeply vile, unprofessional and stupid they are. You could have had a bowel disorder or even been miscarrying a pregnancy (sorry, hope that's not insensitive to anyone). You are absolutely not being unreasonable and they deserve to be dealt with thoroughly. They should have let you know if they were closing in 30 seconds. That is very, very basic communication that they should be capable of.

lemmein · 10/04/2022 18:10

Aw I would've guessed you are young OP, my DD is the same age and some of things that people say to her I know 100% they wouldn't dream of saying to me (or in front of me!)

I agree with the PP, they are at work, not school - report them, horrible cows!

The only thing you were unreasonable about is hurrying up when they treat you so badly - don't do that, people who talk to you like shit deserve no consideration.

SamMil · 10/04/2022 18:15

Please do complain about this. They were awful and shouldn't be allowed to bully people.

BoredZelda · 10/04/2022 20:05

You left work without your bag because colleagues were in a hurry? That’s weird. Why wouldn’t you say “I’ll just get my bag”?

Original poster
Somewhereovertherainbow98 · 10/04/2022 20:12

@BoredZelda

You left work without your bag because colleagues were in a hurry? That’s weird. Why wouldn’t you say “I’ll just get my bag”?
I didn’t leave without my bag?

It was the end of the day and I went to the toilet which is where I realised my period had started. My sanitary products were in my bag, but I didn’t have my bag with me because it was in the staffroom and I had gone straight to the toilet. At this point everyone was leaving and I went back to the staff room to get my bag where everyone was like cmon let’s go! I didn’t want to draw attention to everything and make everyone late to get home so I had to go as they were locking the shop. Not sure how that’s weird Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Somewhereovertherainbow98 · 10/04/2022 20:15

I feel so much better after just getting it off my chest! Thank you so much everyone for understanding and not thinking I was just being sensitive or ridiculous for being upset. I think I’m going to go ahead with the complaint. I don’t want anyone to get into trouble but it was so upsetting and hurtful and I’d hate for them to treat another girl like that!

OP posts:
ouch321 · 10/04/2022 20:18

They were horrid.

Can I recommend putting yourself on the pill? Means you know exactly when 'it' is going to arrive every month so you can be wearing something in advance.

This is one of the things I so strongly resent having to deal with as a punishment for having been born female - not like we get a choice in the matter-.

You'd think theyd be more sympathetic being female but they sound like the sort of pple who were once playground mean girls.

MissMaple82 · 10/04/2022 20:21

I'd be pitting in a formal complaint to the council or whoever runs the shopping centre. That is a disgrace!

Shazzatastic · 10/04/2022 21:04

Definitely put in a complaint x

Jibbajabba1 · 10/04/2022 21:12

Sorry to hear that happened to you - it could happen to anyone! You’re not being sensitive, they were really mean and horrible - I would have cried - try and make a complaint 💐

Shostaklovhich · 10/04/2022 21:13

That’s awful. I would have felt really upset too in that situation and I’m quite a bit older than you. Definitely complain, their behaviour was totally unnecessary.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 10/04/2022 21:14

They deserve any disciplinary action that is given. Don't worry about getting them in trouble. If that happens, they've only themselves to blame.

Cheeseandlobster · 10/04/2022 21:17

Who the fuck voted yabu? The cleaners were arse holes and so is anyone who voted yabu. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed or sorry for. If you feel able, please complain. Don't let anyone else go through this

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 10/04/2022 21:24

Make a complaint. That is completely unacceptable. Regardless of if and why they wanted to get home, it really doesn't matter. There are times in my job I've had to stay late for one reason or another, I wouldn't dream of talking like that to or about anyone. It's rude and unprofessional. They need to have a talking too.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 10/04/2022 21:28

Adding my voice to the COMPLAIN choir.