To not take my baby swimming?

endofmytether22 · 2022-04-10T13:00:19+00:00

I'm having an incredibly hard time at the moment, I'm permanently overwhelmed and exhausted (I have another thread in relationships at the moment which explains most of that). Anyway. I'm supposed to take my baby swimming on a Sunday afternoon- we pay £60 a month for her lessons. DP is at work this weekend. And I just can't find the energy to take her because I'm so burnt out. I want to sit on the sofa with a cup of tea and cry to myself / cuddle her instead. She will now be missing the next 2 weeks as well as they're closed for Easter. Am I shit for doing this? I feel so guilty. What if it sets her back? Is this unnecessary guilt? I can't work out anymore what's normal.

closetmeupandshootmetotheskies · 10/04/2022 14:03

This is needless guilt and you are not going to "set her back" by not taking her.

Totally needless, but you're not being unreasonable feeling this way. I'd say it's irrational, but it's a bit hard on yourself to consider it unreasonable.

You're tired, burned out, probably gonna leave yourself ripe for a big overworrying and fretting, and need to look after yourself.

That said, the £60 is a bit of a rip off tbh. Especially for "swimmming lessons" which aren't actually teaching your child to swim. Stuff like little dippers is a total bloody rip off tbh. You child isn't learning water safety or how to swim and £15 a pop is a lot of money.

Please don't beat yourself up for not going. Pop kettle on, put your feet up and chill.

TheSnowyOwl · 10/04/2022 14:04

Pretty much all baby classes are for the benefit of the person who takes them. Missing a swimming class won’t set back a baby. Michale Phelps started swimming when he was seven.

Hellocatshome · 10/04/2022 14:05

How old is she? Babies don't need swimming lessons, I say that even though I took mine. We went to baby swimming lessons because they were fun and we enjoyed going. Why pay for something that is just becoming a chore and isn't necessary. Dont go, cancel the lessons. Revisit when you are in a better place your baby isn't missing out, you aren't letting anyone down.

VyeBrator · 10/04/2022 14:06

How old is the baby? I can't imagine it would matter anyway but if you think it does, take the baby swimming yourself. They'd probably have more fun anyway.

NuffSaidSam · 10/04/2022 14:06

It's absolutely fine.

And what if it does set her back?! She won't make the baby Olympic team this year? She won't be able to join in on your family cross-channel swim? It doesn't really matter if a baby can swim does it?

Original poster

endofmytether22 · 10/04/2022 14:08

Thanks everyone. She's 11.5 months (turns 1 this month).

I usually find her lessons really enjoyable and fun. But this week I went back to work FT from mat leave, and I am so exhausted, I just want one day where I don't need to leave the house and be somewhere. On top of this DP and I are having lots of problems, it's just taking over my mind. I can't focus on anything, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other at the moment.

OP posts:

Original poster

endofmytether22 · 10/04/2022 14:09

I have a lot of guilt when it comes to DD, I always feel like I'm making the wrong decision and letting her down.

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thecatsinthecradle · 10/04/2022 14:10

Absolutely fine. Don't worry. The baby needs your cup to be filled up... and if you're running on empty, that will be good for no one. Enjoy your sofa day and cuddle as much as you can!
I'm saying this from my bed at 2pm on a Sunday with my one year old napping next to me. We all need a chill day.

RGinaPhalange · 10/04/2022 14:11

Aw op, don’t be to hard on yourself. When I’m exhausted or just don’t have the energy to try and wrestle a toddler/mini octopus out of a swimming costume in a freezing changing room I give the swimming lessons a miss. She couldn’t care less.

I bet you’re little one will be happy no matter what you do as long as they are spending time with their lovely mummy ❤️

VyeBrator · 10/04/2022 14:11

So she's not even a year old? Sorry, but I think swimming lessons for babies that young are just something else for parents to feel guilt tripped into spending their money on.

If you want her to learn to swim, there's plenty of time and if you take her yourself every now and then she'll have lots of fun too.

RandomQuest · 10/04/2022 14:14

You won’t be setting her back, because she’s learning literally nothing at those lessons. If it’s for you to be sociable then fine, nothing wrong with that, but there’s no need for the guilt trip if you simply just don’t fancy it today. Honestly unless you really love these lessons I’d cancel, save the money and stress, and just take her swimming as/when you actually want to go. Then start formal lessons at about 3 when they’re old enough to properly learn to swim.

balalake · 10/04/2022 14:14

No issue with missing one, but if possible let them know so that they are not thinking a latecomer may arrive.

I'll let others advise or offer suggestions on the wider issues you face.

110APiccadilly · 10/04/2022 14:19

I take DD to baby swimming because she and I both enjoy it. But it's definitely not a necessity - absolutely give yourself a break if that's what you want to do today.

Original poster

endofmytether22 · 10/04/2022 14:19

@RGinaPhalange

Aw op, don’t be to hard on yourself. When I’m exhausted or just don’t have the energy to try and wrestle a toddler/mini octopus out of a swimming costume in a freezing changing room I give the swimming lessons a miss. She couldn’t care less.

I bet you’re little one will be happy no matter what you do as long as they are spending time with their lovely mummy ❤️

Aw what a lovely post, thank you.

And the octopus comment made me laugh, so true

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rainylake · 10/04/2022 14:21

I took both my babies swimming from 8 weeks old... and truly missing the lessons or stopping the lessons doesn't matter. If you enjoy it and get something out of it, keep going, but if you want to stop it will have no impact on her development or ability to learn to swim. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You sound like a lovely mum doing your best for your daughter, and this is something that really isn't worth feeling any guilt over.

Original poster

endofmytether22 · 10/04/2022 14:22

I'm frustrated with myself because I really enjoy it usually - it was always the best part of my week when on maternity leave. But being back at work this week FT has burnt me out, so I just want to sit at home and do nothing. But then there's the guilt that comes with that... I feel that I "should" be getting her out and doing these things with her. We did get out yesterday to the shops though. This will be the only day of the week so far we haven't left the house.

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AliceW89 · 10/04/2022 14:23

£60 a month for swimming lessons for a not even one year old is bonkers. Between colds/tummy troubles/nap fails/whatever life throws at you, aiming for a regularly activity that costs that much seems like so much stress, especially now you are back to work. Just take her when you feel like it, they don’t need formal lessons at this age.

rainylake · 10/04/2022 14:23

And if you are exhausted, don't feel bad about taking time for yourself. You need to be okay to be able to look after your baby, and your wellbeing is very important (to her as well as you).

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 10/04/2022 14:25

Don't worry about it! She's be fine, and you'll have a chance to rest. Snuggles on the sofa for the afternoon.

Your lessons are very expensive though

Gizacluethen · 10/04/2022 14:25

Honestly I totally get where you're coming from but DS is just coming up to 11 months and I find the days that I just wanna chill on the sofa are the most stressful because he's bored and needs more entertainment. When we go swimming he's nackered for the rest of the day so I can actually chill. You might find it an easier day to tire her out. But no there's no reason to feel guilty over missing a day.

Original poster

endofmytether22 · 10/04/2022 14:33

@rainylake

I took both my babies swimming from 8 weeks old... and truly missing the lessons or stopping the lessons doesn't matter. If you enjoy it and get something out of it, keep going, but if you want to stop it will have no impact on her development or ability to learn to swim. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You sound like a lovely mum doing your best for your daughter, and this is something that really isn't worth feeling any guilt over.

Thank you. I usually do get something out of it, but today it just feels like another chore...

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latriciamcneal · 10/04/2022 14:34

Some days you just have to declare a rest day, cancel things, and give yourself time off. You need to, because you can't get better otherwise. Being exhausted like that you may as well be ill. Take the rest. Your baby really only wants time with you, she doesn't care where that time is spent. Chill with your baby on the couch for the day.

NameChange30 · 10/04/2022 14:42

If you're working full time you need to cancel any fixed weekly commitments like swimming lessons at weekends. Especially as you've just gone back to work after maternity leave; it's a massive adjustment and completely exhausting. Allow yourself the freedom to pick and choose what you do at the weekends; have a lazy day if you need one (baby will be absolutely fine and probably happy to have a quiet day at home, especially if they've had a week in childcare) or do the kind of activities and classes that are drop in / PAYG.

I haven't seen your other thread so I can't comment on that. But if you're having relationship issues too it's even more important to prioritise yourself and your needs.

Let go of the guilt. You are enough.

FourChimneys · 10/04/2022 14:47

Sit on the sofa, cuddle your DD and drink lots of tea. She really won't know she is missing a swimming lesson and can't possibly be held back in any way.

Mine didn't go swimming until they were three and that was just family sessions. They started lessons at 6 years old, both can swim perfectly well as adults.

Enjoy your chilled afternoon

kierenthecommunity · 10/04/2022 14:51

I didn’t take my son to lessons as a baby, I mauve took him in the pool on occasion but he didn’t especially enjoy so I stopped. He started proper lessons when the ASA rainbow badges age kicked in - maybe 4 or 5? He’s nine now and on stage 6 which I think is pretty average

We’re currently in Gran Canaria and he’s having an absolute blast in the pool, palling up with other kids, while I get to relax on a sunbed knowing he needs nominal supervision. So the lack of baby lessons had not hurt one bit

I know you said you feel wrong out due to return to work/relationship problems but just be mindful of your moods. I was horribly depressed and had the wanting to sit on the sofa overwhelmed and exhausted feeling a lot, which I tried to ignore. Hope you’re ok