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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take my baby swimming?

57 replies

endofmytether22 · 10/04/2022 14:00

I'm having an incredibly hard time at the moment, I'm permanently overwhelmed and exhausted (I have another thread in relationships at the moment which explains most of that).

Anyway. I'm supposed to take my baby swimming on a Sunday afternoon- we pay £60 a month for her lessons. DP is at work this weekend. And I just can't find the energy to take her because I'm so burnt out. I want to sit on the sofa with a cup of tea and cry to myself / cuddle her instead.

She will now be missing the next 2 weeks as well as they're closed for Easter.

Am I shit for doing this? I feel so guilty. What if it sets her back?

Is this unnecessary guilt? I can't work out anymore what's normal.

OP posts:

Rubyupbeat · 10/04/2022 14:56

Please don't feel bad. She doesn't need lessons, you can just take her when you feel up to it. I do know how you feel, with my first son I had guilt feelings all the time, tbh looking back, totally unfounded, but it can drag you right down and steal your energy.
Can you talk to a friend or a trusted person about your feelings, please don't let them get worse.

MayMorris · 10/04/2022 14:56

@endofmytether22

I'm frustrated with myself because I really enjoy it usually - it was always the best part of my week when on maternity leave. But being back at work this week FT has burnt me out, so I just want to sit at home and do nothing. But then there's the guilt that comes with that... I feel that I "should" be getting her out and doing these things with her. We did get out yesterday to the shops though. This will be the only day of the week so far we haven't left the house.

You are doing the swimming “lessons” for you, not your daughter. She doesn’t know what is going on other than being in the water at that age. It doesn’t matter to her whether she goes, doesn’t go , goes occasionally at that age. All she needs is her mum/primary care giver and being loved. That’s it YOU enjoy the swimming, it’s the best part of your week…so recognise you do it for you and you only. In which case f you don’t fancy it today, you don’t fancy it and it really does not matter Until your daughter can express her valid opinion on what activities she likes or doesn’t like , anything she does will be gp because you’ve decided for her to do it, or becuase you enjoy it, or becuase you think it will do her good. That’ll be when she gets to about 7-8 years old. Only then. Until then she’ll just turn up with you to whatever you’ve organised for her passively . If you remember this is your choice alone, then you’ll stop with the nonsensical self flagellation and enjoy your afternoon of doing nowt. Sounds like your running yourself ragged frankly.

whatwasIgoingtosay · 10/04/2022 14:58

Oh, how I used to loathe baby swimming sessions (they're not 'lessons' in any sense of the word)! If I had my time again, that's one thing I'd definitely give a miss. And my baby would have grown up just fine - and become a good swimmer - without them. Please don't feel guilty, just enjoy your time off with your DD and relax.

RidingMyBike · 10/04/2022 15:05

Honestly, don't go to this one and then cancel the lessons, that's a huge amount of money for it. They don't learn to swim at this age, it's just something to do with them. Then take her swimming when you feel like it and have time. You'll enjoy it more, it won't make any difference to her.

BiscuitLover3678 · 10/04/2022 15:06

The only reason you should go is because it is enjoyable for you and gets you out of the house. I started mine when he was 2. I only wish I’d started earlier because I like it! And by that age cuddling on the sofa with a tea is near impossible.

Spudina · 10/04/2022 15:14

Save your self money and guilt and occasionally take her swimming when you can be arsed. Babies don’t need lessons!! Three-four is a good age to start lessons I think. Rest up OP. X

Deadringer · 10/04/2022 15:51

If you have a bath pop her in there with a few toys, she will enjoy that even more than the pool.

GeneLovesJezebel · 10/04/2022 15:54

No, have a day off.
I took my first swimming, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, but she just got cold. And then I had to get us both clean and dry, so I never bothered again. It was a faf.

Belkell · 10/04/2022 16:13

@GeneLovesJezebel

No, have a day off. I took my first swimming, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, but she just got cold. And then I had to get us both clean and dry, so I never bothered again. It was a faf.

So much this

In the end I declared to DH that I didn’t do swimming and Someone Else would need to sort that. He and one set of grandparents stepped up. I do have a minor medical condition that flares up as a result of swimming. However in truth it isn’t quite as bad as I made out at the time. There was a severe and ongoing case of CBA though.

DockOTheBay · 10/04/2022 16:16

I would stop spending £15 a week on lessons. I can't believe people pay that much for 30 minutes of bobbing around singing nursery rhymes.

SafelySoftly · 10/04/2022 16:30

That’s an awful log of money. Working full time I’d honestly not bother with swimming at her age. Assuming she’s also at nursery she’ll also certainly be picking up bugs etc. It is tiring for both her and you if both you and your partner work full time so I’d be droppping these discretionary activities. They don’t help with learning to swim so. If you feel this tired after only one week it only compounds, sadly.

beattieedny · 10/04/2022 16:30

Babies need very little apart from cuddles and feeding and kept clean. Swimming with a baby is an absolute pain in the arse and I didn't bother with it until mine were toddlers and ready to play.

Jules912 · 10/04/2022 16:35

Don't feel bad, she won't know what she's missing. My kids are older but due to an unfortunate combination of illness/other stuff missed 3 weeks swimming in a row, it doesn't seem to have resulted in them getting behind.

ZenNudist · 10/04/2022 16:35

Swimming lessons for babies are pointless. My dc are good swimmers without doing that nonsense. Stop the lessons and start doing something you want to do with her. Like cuddles and play!

It's exhausting and pointless. Much better when they are older and can enjoy it without getting cold so quickly. Then you have to change nappies in a swimming pool change room whilst cold and wet.

themonkeysnuts · 10/04/2022 16:48

thats a lot of money for messing about in a pool
i went with my DD and DGS (11months) last week cost about £12-60 ish
He had a lovely time sitting and splashing , being wafted by the wave machine, being carried into the deeper parts
just take her yourself as and when you feel like it
lessons for babies are pointless they dont need them at such a young age

EV117 · 10/04/2022 16:54

Baby swimming is so overrated - I mean if you genuinely enjoy it, great. But some people act like this hugely expensive activity is some kind of essential experience when it really is not. We used to go just for fun sessions at our local pool as and when, maybe once a month or so, no one leading it. When DS was 5 he went to proper lessons and picked up swimming in a matter of weeks, no need for me to faff around getting in the pool.

Quichetiger · 10/04/2022 16:56

Baby swimming is such a waste of time. Don’t feel guilty, just relax with your dd! I found taking my eldest so stressful every time. Then the pandemic hit, she didn’t go swimming for two years and ended up being terrified of the water anyway!

Justkeeppedaling · 10/04/2022 16:57

Babies of 11 months really don't need swimming lessons!

At that age 15 min sessions in the pool with you, getting her used to the sounds, smells, splashes etc are all she needs.

HowFascinating · 10/04/2022 16:59

Er, it's a short Olympic cycle you know? Paris is only 2.5 years away.

Hellocatshome · 10/04/2022 17:02

Er, it's a short Olympic cycle you know? Paris is only 2.5 years away.

Can we please not take the piss out of someone who is struggling with returning to work after mat leave and with relationship issues. We all know the baby will not be behind in anyway by missing baby swimming, but we all sometimes need a nice kind reality check.

DrSbaitso · 10/04/2022 17:25

It won't make any difference to her but it will to you.

Original poster

endofmytether22 · 10/04/2022 17:59

@Hellocatshome

Er, it's a short Olympic cycle you know? Paris is only 2.5 years away.

Thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

endofmytether22 · 10/04/2022 18:01

I do normally enjoy taking her as I've said. It's just today I knew it would be more of a chore than enjoyable, because of how burnt out I feel. I do feel a little better for having a home chill day with DD

OP posts:

Confrontayshunme · 10/04/2022 18:04

I HATED swimming with a baby. It was not the bonding experience I expected. I quit after a month, and never took my 2nd child. Both are excellent swimmers. Meanwhile, my SIL has done these ridiculous water classes twice a week since hers were 3 months old (the ones where you just hold them with no flotation or armbands and just drop them occasionally), and neither of them can swim. Just skip it until they are mobile themselves.

RidingMyBike · 10/04/2022 20:08

Our local pool did 'toddler splash' sessions for about £4.50 for one adult and child so I used to take my baby to that. There were a few water squirty things to play with in a small splash pool area, and which she eventually loved walking under once she got a bit bigger. And we could go in the kids' pool and bounce around a bit before getting out and going for a coffee.

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