I think I’m a completely shit parent

[Brightsunnydayinapril]

And I’m posting this here so I get flamed to be honest.

I am utterly shit and I had such high hopes - some of it wasn’t my fault but some totally is/was.

I just couldn’t get my head around breastfeeding so that was a no go even though I really wanted to do it.

Weaning was a disaster and still is, my toddler won’t touch anything I make.

Not even close to sleeping through which I don’t think is my fault but it does mean I’m permanently tired.

Obsessed with dummy. Keep trying to take it off him but sabotaged at every turn.

Has a forward facing car seat.

Sometimes I feel like I might as well light a cigarette up and have done with it

Parenting is hard work.

I can tick lots on that last.

Can you get your dp to take a week off work to ditch the dummies completely and hopefully that may stop him waking in the night - this is on the assumption that he loses them and needs them?

Honestly once you get enough sleep life is so much more manageable.

I had 2 dummy addicts and 2 thumb suckers. Dummies are the lessor of 2 evils long term.

Breastfeeding and rear facing doesn't mean shit , especially if the parent is not invested in playing with their children, reading to them, giving them new experiences, being kind to them, helping them to develop a sense of self and independence. Choosing one method of feeding or one type of car seat over another doesn't make you a better or worse parent. I fell into that trap too when mine were small but the older they get the more i realise that it's all a great big con for women to make other women feel bad about themselves as parents. Its nonsense. If your child goes to bed each night secure and safe in the knowledge that he is loved and cherished, then you are doing better than a lot of people out there.

Try not to worry about the food.. it can tie u in knots. We just gave them a bit of what we ate with no salt etc bitzed then gradually reduced it. Alongside a choosing plate of things like banana , rice, whatever.
I found spoon feeding boring plus a littlr frustrating at times as well as emotive. This helped me be more casual and less stressed.
It really helped us and i hope u find what works for you.

Please do not worry op.

Mine are now 10 and 13 and not perfect but pretty good company. I love the fact that we can go to the cinema, theatre and out to dinner together.

Neither were bf despite me almost killing my self in the first few days. Both are very bright. Dd was an angel baby (our first) then we had DS.........

But honestly both went ff in the car seat as soon as they could (9 months I think). I couldn't be arsed weaning them with purées etc so just ate with them and chucked some of my stuff on their plate for them to feed themselves. It was a bit messy but I didn't care.
Despite DS being sling carried everywhere he has turned into a very clingy 10 yr old who has slept on our floor beside me on a mattress since he was about 5. Meh. We all sleep. DH and I don't get much sex but hey.

And DS was a dummy fiend. Again I was too lazy to try to remove it. It comforted him and helped him to sleep so I didn't see the point of it going. At once stage I have a video of him counting up to 12 using his 12 dummies 😂😂
When he went to school he used them at night only and I don't remember when he stopped but stop he did and all by himself. His teeth and speech are fine.

You're doing great. 👍🏻👍🏻

OP You have posted about this before and brought your husband into the argument saying you argued about which way the child car seat faces and the use of the dummy which is why I remembered.

I think you need to relax a bit and listen to the answers instead of asking the same question differently

It all sounds completely normal - you're being too hard on yourself. It will get better. Toddlers are exhausting.

I never removed my sons dummy until nearly 2 but he was only allowed it for sleeping
He did eat ok at 18 months but come 2.5 he became extremely fussy and still is ( he's a strapping 6ft 18 year old)
I just learnt to keep meals fuss free and found he ate more that way
As in put food down and remove when finished , even if he hadn't ate a lot and then try again later when he may of been hungrier

Couldn’t get bf with one baby, ok from day one with the other.
One ate everything put in front of her, other fussy as hell.
One laid back and cheerful ( the bottle fed one) other the most grizzly, miserable child imaginable. Omg I could hear that whiny grizzle in my sleep
Both have grown up to be normal, happy people with jobs, children, partners.

You’re doing nothing wrong, you’re just thrashing around in the dark like the rest of us and whether they bf, eat, sleep laugh or cry is as much down to chance as anything else.
Please don’t beat yourself up.

And if it makes dc happy, let them keep the dummy. No 18 year old ever went off to Uni with a dummy in their mouth ( I don’t think)