To ask how to wean DC off tablet use?

[TabletAddiction]

DC is 7, an only child

They’ve never been great at entertaining themselves, I suspect SN is the reason but currently school and GP disagree there’s anything underlying and are blaming covid (blaming both the lockdowns and DC having covid 3 times since April 2020 – the first time was before testing so is only suspected).

I’m trying to get some work done (just admin no phone calls) so that I can have tomorrow off to spend with them (I freelance so charge accordingly so it saves me money in the long run not using holiday club everyday) and I had set up some colouring and snacks at the dining table (same room as me) there’s also all their toys including lego they could do literally anything, and they could watch TV but I said no to their tablet when they asked.

But that’s all they want to do so I can’t get on with my work as every 2 seconds it’s “can I have my tablet yet?” “I’m bored” I didn’t buy it and don’t want them on it all the time but it’s all they want to do these days.

They refused to get in the pool for their swimming lesson yesterday as they were “bored”, they refused to go to their activity on Friday because “I want my tablet” so I’m resisting it as much as I can as I think they have an unhealthy attachment to it. They don’t want to go to my cousins DCs party tomorrow as “I’d rather just play on my tablet”

This is just a rant really, I’m sick of the tablet being the reason to not do anything. I try and plan something nice like their cousins party or their activities (that they chose and insist they still want me to pay for and actually enjoy when I manage to persuade them) because “tablet”.

It’s got worse since they started school.

ExH doesn’t have this problem with them, says they never mention the tablet and is the complete opposite and begs him to take them out.

Any tips on how to wean them off it and actually play with proper toys?

@TabletAddiction - the I don't know how to/what to do etc sounds like a transition issue. She is struggling to move from one thing (even if that is doing nothing) to a new activity. It is like she doesn't know how to start. It could help for her to know in advance for example in 5 minutes we are going to do some colouring. Pick 3 colours to use to colour this page. Hope that might help a bit.

This is an addiction that is detrimental to your child. Get rid of this tablet completely and don't give it back. I wouldn't tell lies about it having been broken etc. Explain to your child that you care about him and the tablet is bad for him and that is why you are removing it. Don't worry about homework. A 7 year old doesn't need to do homework on a tablet or computer. Far better for them to be practising holding a pen, or reading a book. Either don't bother with the homework, or tell school you need paper copies.
After a couple of weeks your child will have adjusted and be happy again.
In the meantime you will have to put up with some moaning but it will get better. I would also limit TV time to an hour or 2 per day. If that starts to become a focus of arguments then stop the TV watching as well.

My eight year old has a time limit on it. So they get 2 hours and when it's gone it's gone. That way they feel in control of when they use it but it's limited . It automatically shuts off when the limit is reached (Google family link)

I actually think it might be easier to really keep them busy for a while in order to break the habit. So if you could afford it as a one off maybe increase the holiday club....that way he is outdoors playing with friends and will get into a less screen based habit.

It's addictive sadly. If he is turning down opportunity to play with friends because of the screen I would heavily focus on increasing time.he spends playing with other children

I think playing alone is not always easy fir kids and doesn't mean they are failing. Children evolved to be in groups and play together. Maybe increase play dates and park trips etc to break the addiction and ye may improve at playing alone later

Today has been awful.

DC refused to go into their cousins party at all, literally sat on the driveway and refused to come inside. Everytime someone (me, our cousin, my GPs) went out to ask DC inside they said "No I want my tablet".

Got home and it's constantly "I'm hungry" even though she's eaten more than they'd usually eat on a school day.

I'm considering selling it if I can work out how to do schoolwork without the apps.

I'd be chucking the tablet in the dustbin. It can't be doing your child any good whatsoever.

Try inviting their friends over more. I find this changes the atmosphere and hopefully they'll get invited back!

What SN do you suspect?
Are they using the tablet as a form of regulation? If so I would go against the grain and question if you will make more of a problem for yourself/your child by restricting it.
My son is autistic and probably watches 'too much' tablet, but he doesn't spend all day on it. He is usually ok coming off it because he doesn't fear it will be taken away and knows he can have it back when he wants. Consequently he is currently playing with bricks and cuddly toys on the carpet. No tablet in sight. We do usually turn it off after tea unless listening to an audio book.

In your last example I would have 100% given my son his tablet. He finds big family gatherings completely overwhelming- all that social interaction! If he was that stressed and the tablet helped calm him down i'd think it was fab. Rather than sitting outside he might make it inside, possibly even talk to cousins about what he was watching once he'd calmed down.

Also food can be a comfort for some children with SN if it meets a sensory need or equally some children with SN struggle to identify what exactly they are feeling - so I child saying they are hungry could easily be thirsty/ uncomfortable in some other way.

@vivkensington

In your last example I would have 100% given my son his tablet. He finds big family gatherings completely overwhelming- all that social interaction! If he was that stressed and the tablet helped calm him down i'd think it was fab. Rather than sitting outside he might make it inside, possibly even talk to cousins about what he was watching once he'd calmed down.

Also food can be a comfort for some children with SN if it meets a sensory need or equally some children with SN struggle to identify what exactly they are feeling - so I child saying they are hungry could easily be thirsty/ uncomfortable in some other way.

@vivkensington

DC is usually fine at parties, it's usually afterwards I'd give the tablet to help calm them down as they get wired and worked up.

I suspect dyslexia and/or ADHD but like I said neither school or GP agree.

GPs often don't know too much about SEN and teachers equally can be hit and miss as their training is limited and sometimes knowledge is outdated. Also children so often mask/ present differently at school. I have one with ADHD & Dyslexia - school didn't see it initially- now they definitely do! You know your child best and if you suspect I'm fairly confident you are correct.
Neurodivergent children often need more time to regulate and using a tablet can help with that so keep that in mind. You child is telling you want they need so unless you can find an alternative I definitely wouldn't bin it! Can you discuss with your child and work together on a solution?

@vivkensington

GPs often don't know too much about SEN and teachers equally can be hit and miss as their training is limited and sometimes knowledge is outdated. Also children so often mask/ present differently at school. I have one with ADHD & Dyslexia - school didn't see it initially- now they definitely do! You know your child best and if you suspect I'm fairly confident you are correct. Neurodivergent children often need more time to regulate and using a tablet can help with that so keep that in mind. You child is telling you want they need so unless you can find an alternative I definitely wouldn't bin it! Can you discuss with your child and work together on a solution?

@vivkensington The compromise I would usually do is "Spend some time with your cousins then when we get home you can have your tablet" we only had to stay an hour just to pop our head in, usually they'd be thrilled and ask to stay longer even if I can see they're over stimulated and need to go home.

It’s going to be painful in the short term. The ‘I’m hungry’ can be boredom. I’d persevere and see what it is like in a few weeks. If can absolutely be mainly due to the tablet addiction but you’ll have a clearer idea and if things don’t improve you can go back to school and say you’ve illiminated the tablet and you’re still worried if that’s the case.