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Original poster

To ask how to wean DC off tablet use?

63 replies

TabletAddiction · 10/04/2022 10:54

DC is 7, an only child

They’ve never been great at entertaining themselves, I suspect SN is the reason but currently school and GP disagree there’s anything underlying and are blaming covid (blaming both the lockdowns and DC having covid 3 times since April 2020 – the first time was before testing so is only suspected).

I’m trying to get some work done (just admin no phone calls) so that I can have tomorrow off to spend with them (I freelance so charge accordingly so it saves me money in the long run not using holiday club everyday) and I had set up some colouring and snacks at the dining table (same room as me) there’s also all their toys including lego they could do literally anything, and they could watch TV but I said no to their tablet when they asked.

But that’s all they want to do so I can’t get on with my work as every 2 seconds it’s “can I have my tablet yet?” “I’m bored” I didn’t buy it and don’t want them on it all the time but it’s all they want to do these days.

They refused to get in the pool for their swimming lesson yesterday as they were “bored”, they refused to go to their activity on Friday because “I want my tablet” so I’m resisting it as much as I can as I think they have an unhealthy attachment to it. They don’t want to go to my cousins DCs party tomorrow as “I’d rather just play on my tablet”

This is just a rant really, I’m sick of the tablet being the reason to not do anything. I try and plan something nice like their cousins party or their activities (that they chose and insist they still want me to pay for and actually enjoy when I manage to persuade them) because “tablet”.

It’s got worse since they started school.

ExH doesn’t have this problem with them, says they never mention the tablet and is the complete opposite and begs him to take them out.

Any tips on how to wean them off it and actually play with proper toys?

OP posts:
Paddingtonthebear · 10/04/2022 13:37

For this reason we held off buying a tablet until DD was 8. She’s 10 this year and access to it is generally still restricted to an hour a day, otherwise she would be on it all the time. All her friends seem to have unlimited access but I don’t think it’s healthy. You have to talk to kids about balance, although DD does get annoyed when we tell her it’s time to come off it, she does understand that things need to be in moderation. Young kids can’t really moderate themselves.

VestaTilley · 10/04/2022 13:42

Give it away. They’re not needed in the home. As DC gets older they can do homework on your laptop. Get rid of it.

Original poster
TabletAddiction · 10/04/2022 13:47

@Paddingtonthebear

For this reason we held off buying a tablet until DD was 8. She’s 10 this year and access to it is generally still restricted to an hour a day, otherwise she would be on it all the time. All her friends seem to have unlimited access but I don’t think it’s healthy. You have to talk to kids about balance, although DD does get annoyed when we tell her it’s time to come off it, she does understand that things need to be in moderation. Young kids can’t really moderate themselves.
@Paddingtonthebear I didn't buy it and had no say, it just turned up in one of their presents a few years ago (I know who got it and have had words about it)
OP posts:
ThisUserIsNamed · 10/04/2022 13:54

Cold turkey, allowed for supervised homework only.
They want it the answer is 'you've done all your homework' or 'we'll do your homework on it later/ tomorrow/ thursday'.

ThisUserIsNamed · 10/04/2022 13:56

Also, really, I think you should just tell the school it has broken so he will need paper homework from now on. They really can't expect all children to have access to a tablet. Especially at primary age.

Ahgoonyegirlye · 10/04/2022 14:25

Take it away. Completely. Bye bye tablet. And do Dc homework on your laptop, or if that's not a possibility i would ask school for the loan of a ChromeBook ( or buy a cheap one) which is used ONLY for homework.
You're the parent, so you need to parent even if it's unpopular with your child.

Ahgoonyegirlye · 10/04/2022 14:26

7 is far too young to have sole access to a device anyway.

Fluffruff · 10/04/2022 15:03

Someone mentioned a schedule up thread and that works for us. My 7 yr old is only allowed his after lunch like from 2-4/4.30pm on the weekend. We sometimes watch a family film together and they have the TV on a few times during the week but not for long as they go to teatime club. If he’s using his tablet to game it may feel like an addiction to him.

Fluffruff · 10/04/2022 15:22

Also I recommend Qustodio. It’s a control/time limit thing for tablets etc. You can block stuff like going onto the web and put time limits (either automatic cut off after two hrs, or it can only be switch on at a certain time eg 1pm-3pm)

Paddingtonthebear · 10/04/2022 15:49

Google family link has good parental controls, you can restrict websites/apps via age / preference and you can set up a schedule for devices to lock and unlock. All can be managed via an app on parent phone

Wnikat · 10/04/2022 15:52

Just get rid of it completely. Otherwise it’s always a source of conflict

UndertheCedartree · 10/04/2022 15:56

As you mention SN I'm wondering if the I'm bored/want my tablet is being used as a way to avoid the anxiety associated with other activities?

UndertheCedartree · 10/04/2022 15:59

You should be able to do homework on a smartphone, by the way.

SafelySoftly · 10/04/2022 16:39

If you go completely cold turkey on the tablet, which you clearly should, then ina few weeks, using for school should be fine. Cant believe how much they are used to parent, you’re definitely doing the right thing taking steps now.

Original poster
TabletAddiction · 10/04/2022 16:50

@UndertheCedartree

As you mention SN I'm wondering if the I'm bored/want my tablet is being used as a way to avoid the anxiety associated with other activities?
@UndertheCedartree I suspect you're right, especially with the swimming.

Todays been awful tbh, every 2 minutes "I'm bored" when I tell them to play with their toys I get "But I don't know what to do/how to do it/I don't want to"

OP posts:
Neverreturntoathread · 10/04/2022 16:58

It’s addictive, and trains their brains to expect an instant reaction to their actions. Makes other, more healthy, play with slower results seem boring.

My friend has asked her husband to take the tablet to work with him so she can say dad has it!

Schedule didn’t work for me, DC just became obsessed with the schedule and left playdates / meals etc when it was ‘time’

I basically take it away every so often and go cold turkey for a week then gradually allow it to come back when it suits me. Always they end up addicted again.

V aware as I say this that I am totally addicted to my phone and wasting time tapping away on it right now.

Problem with any addiction is that you don’t want to stop. My phone is fun I don’t want to stop. That is addiction. Same for their tablet.

ChairCareOh · 10/04/2022 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

DDivaStar · 10/04/2022 17:23

We've always said the moment dd8 protests at putting down the tablet, doing something else she doesn't get use of the tablet at all the following day. We've only had to do it scruple of times. That way I can be flexible with the times and amount of use which I need sometimes.

Retrievemysanity · 10/04/2022 17:49

Does he have friends? Just thinking on a day like today when you wanted to do your own thing, would it have helped to have a friend round? Apart from the swimming, does he do any other after school activities? I have a DD with SN and she’d be on the tablet/TV all day if I let her but if she knows the routine, she’s absolutely fine about coming off her tablet to do her activities etc.

ZoChan · 10/04/2022 17:54

We only got tablets for them this Christmas just gone. DSs are 8 and 6 and need it for homework unfortunately. Their classmates are way ahead on the levels in their homework apps because they seem to have them unlimited 😳 We don't download anything else onto the tablets, I've heard too many scary stories of kid friendly apps being hacked and horrid situations ensuing: one on a drawing app and the fbi are involved in her case, and one to my niece on TikTok where a man in Australia was trying to groom the children but they didn't read it properly so didn't react. You cannot control the internet.

As for what I'd do for your son, cold turkey over the holidays- say it's broken, lost charger, whatever. Plan lots of fun things - Easter egg hunts (doesn't have to be with chocolate eggs) and sticker charts for jobs done around the house with something he wants as a treat, and exercise and downtime with his easily won new toys or magazines or subscription boxes with building stem toys or anything that might grab his attention. The important factor here is you and your engagement so that it's more involving for him. Hopefully you can get all your work done whilst he's at club this holiday and then you can break this habit, introducing the tablet again for homework only.
Good luck, not going to be the relaxing school holidays we all hope for but it will be worth it

ZoChan · 10/04/2022 17:56

Just to say- my boys do watch lots of movies and documentaries in the family room (of an evening only). But they do have a good couple of hours screen time daily, just not tablet time. So I'm not holier than thou for allowing tablet time- we all need that quiet time. This is our balance and I hope you can find yours

HailAdrian · 10/04/2022 18:00

My friend's 3yo is like this, chooses tablet above any other activity, gets so engrossed she doesn't listen to anyone who talks to her when she's using it, talks about the games constantly. It's so dull to listen to but i have no advice, take it away maybe?

finebutfedup · 10/04/2022 18:07

Not a parent, but in this situation I would def go cold turkey and let the tablet ‘break’.l (I might actually really break it Blush I feel that strongly). I would let child know it will not be replaced, because it’s bad for them, makes them bored, and they need to learn to enjoy other things.

You will have challenging time as they get older but when electronics are reintroduced as they surely will be eventually, I would be religious about turning the internet off at 8pm.

I think some children are more predisposed to get addicted to this stuff than others.

Original poster
TabletAddiction · 10/04/2022 18:19

Yes they have friends but we don't have a garden so not much point inviting them round, if they do meet a friend I take them/meet them at the park or a cafe nearby.

I have cousins with DC a similar age and DC used to always ask when we'd see them, we always arrange a day in the holidays (like tomorrow) to meet up, but now DC says they'd rather stay home.

They do another activity as well as swimming but it doesn't run in school holidays, and they've always been very indifferent to it.

I'm not bothered by TV so much as they don't stare at it mindlessly all day, it'll be on but they used to play while it was on, watch a bit or use it to inspire games, so DC might watch something like a programme about farms and then create their own farm out of lego/other toys and play with it, so it was as well as toys. But now they don't even do that, they're not fussed by toys or TV they just want their tablet.

I admit it became a daily thing in lockdown as I had to work, thankfully I can work from home and very rarely need to do calls but I did give them the tablet to get a call done or so I could get an hours work done when i really needed to focus.

Going to look into whether there's an alernative for homework, currently they're set a task on an app and have to complete it so not even as if I can print off a worksheet and then photograph it to upload.

OP posts:
Blondefancy · 10/04/2022 18:31

There’s timer settings you can set on Amazon tablets, just set it to a certain amount of usage every day and it goes off at a certain time 🤷‍♀️ our dd can use hers for 1.5 hours every day and it turns off at 7pm & won’t switch back on till 7am!