If you were 20 years old, put with your boyfriend and he greeted other woman he knew with an enthusiastic hello gorgeous and hug

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Would you find it acceptable ? Yes or no

Yanbu for not acceptable
Yabu for acceptable

There's not enough context here I don't think.

YANBU

It’s fine as long as he introduced me as his gorgeous girlfriend

Depends if he included me in the conversation or not. How he introduced me.

Is it a family member? I wouldn't care. Ex/ non family member: I'd be watching them to figure it out.

No idea. Was it his nan?

No, no introduction, the girlfriend just standing there

It's not making you happy.

That's enough.

That's all you need. You don't need a big court case where you thrash out his motivations for greeting so many other women so effusively, and determine whether or not you're being too sensitive or over reacting, or whether he has ''the right'' to carry on.

You don't need to lose sight of yourself with all of that. Is this situation making you happy? If it's not, you can walk away, no court case. No conclusion. He doesn't need to have the right to greet people and you do not need to win the right to be hurt.

You are hurt. so this is not for you.

Say to yourself. ''This situation is not for me''.

I've a daughter of 19. That's what I'd say to her.

And it's what I've learned too late in life.

No not a family member just someone he knew

@JoyLurking9to5 👏🏼

Excellent post @JoyLurking9to5

Well I often hug people when I meet them, so does DH, neither of us would be bothered by it. If you are bothered then maybe he isn't the one for you, does he greet lots of people this way, is it just this one person he greets like this or just her you feel threatened by?

I wouldn’t have blinked but my friends were all tactile people and plenty of my completely platonic male friends would greet me like that. I’d give them what-for if they didn’t introduce their gf though…

The enthusiastic hello and the hug wouldn't bother me, but I'm trying to even imagine my DP saying "hello gorgeous" to someone and it would be really strange...

He doesn't need to have the right to greet people

Sorry but what on earth does this mean?! Should we expect all partners to stand meekly and shake hands with everyone, even with good friends? Everyone has the right to greet people. He doesn’t need to earn that.

I think you need a little bit of a grip, personally OP. He’s obviously a friendly guy. That’s how he expresses affection. Of course you have every right to not like it, but it’s not cheating, he’s done nothing wrong, so IMO you need to put up or...walk away.

@galacticpixels

The enthusiastic hello and the hug wouldn't bother me, but I'm trying to even imagine my DP saying "hello gorgeous" to someone and it would be really strange...

I agree with this ^ Hug fine, the hello gorgeous is weird.

YABVU

It wouldn't bother me. Perhaps he is a flamboyant person and a cuddler. I have had men friends I have known for years do this to me who are married people, I am married as well. I would not feel threatened by it, no.

JoyLurking9to5 You are so spot on, wish you’d have been my mother then I was 20 !!

Well this was me when I was 20
It didn’t sit right with me, just made me feel uncomfortable
When I told my mum about it then next day as I was unsure of him, she really criticised me and said stuff to me like wow I didn’t think you’d be like that …… I didn’t think you’d be all jealous with a boyfriend …..
And don’t advise me on anything just felt like had a go at me for the fact I found it didn’t sit right me with

It was just a feeling that didn’t feel right To me

Anyway I thought about it and though I just don’t think he’s the one for me
And ended it he accepted that without any fight and we both quickly moved on

Then after over 20 years
He’s decided to contact me, started off with her do you remember me, how are you how’s your mum n dad and are you married with kids etc
Then very soon turned into I’ve thought a lot about you Over the years
You are still gorgeous you still look the same
As you did over 20 years ago
Can we meet for a coffee
I’d love to reconnect with you, I’d love to sleep with you etc

So I’ve of course I said no to meeting him
Told him I love my dh and kids

But it really made me feel vindicated that I was right
He wasn’t trust worthy
As he’s married with kids himself and he’s always been caught cheating on her before
And he’s done it alot from what he says

So glad I listened to my gut instinct that he want trust worthy

OP, can you add some context?
Is he usually a very tactile person, how did this meeting occur, is a regular occurrence?

Some people are naturally touchy, friendly or whatever and I have a number of friends who would say things like 'hello gorgeous' with a hug without a second thought because it's their personality.

IMO this post shows some immaturity, if it makes you uncomfortable then walk away. It's not for you.

If you feel he doesn't value you then leave. It won't get better

Very much depends on context.

As pp said if he's a hugger and a bit flamboyant then I wouldn't be too bothered although, bit odd and rather rude not to introduce the girlfriend. That would annoy me regardless of how he greeted the other woman.

Annoying drip feed

So 20 years on, are you still angry at your mum or your ex boyfriend.

Ok, just seen your update.

After 20 years it's probably time to put this behind you.