If you were 20 years old, put with your boyfriend and he greeted other woman he knew with an enthusiastic hello gorgeous and hug

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Would you find it acceptable ? Yes or no

Yanbu for not acceptable
Yabu for acceptable

Meh, me and DH are naturally flirty people, as were most of the people I dated back then, so it wouldn't have raised an eyebrow - the no-introduction part would have, though.

Sounds as if there was more wrong then just that, so good for you.

I just feel vindicated like I knew I wasn’t mad or jealous. I knew somewhere deep down he wasn’t trust worthy

You have to be more mature, and realise that things like this happen with some people. Some people are more expressive with their ways than others.

@KittytheHare

Annoying drip feed

Yep, massively.

Stupid drip-feed thread.

Greatest drip-feed EVER!

with my husband no i wouldnt like it but have had past boyfriends it wouldnt have bothered me with as they were just like that, a bit eccentric and energetic, everyone was gorgeous or beautiful and big hugs etc. But he also treated me like that too

Yeah, you were right; your mum was wrong! Mums don’t always know everything!

@LovelyYellowLabrador

JoyLurking9to5 You are so spot on, wish you’d have been my mother then I was 20 !!

Well this was me when I was 20
It didn’t sit right with me, just made me feel uncomfortable
When I told my mum about it then next day as I was unsure of him, she really criticised me and said stuff to me like wow I didn’t think you’d be like that …… I didn’t think you’d be all jealous with a boyfriend …..
And don’t advise me on anything just felt like had a go at me for the fact I found it didn’t sit right me with

It was just a feeling that didn’t feel right To me

Anyway I thought about it and though I just don’t think he’s the one for me
And ended it he accepted that without any fight and we both quickly moved on

Then after over 20 years
He’s decided to contact me, started off with her do you remember me, how are you how’s your mum n dad and are you married with kids etc
Then very soon turned into I’ve thought a lot about you Over the years
You are still gorgeous you still look the same
As you did over 20 years ago
Can we meet for a coffee
I’d love to reconnect with you, I’d love to sleep with you etc

So I’ve of course I said no to meeting him
Told him I love my dh and kids

But it really made me feel vindicated that I was right
He wasn’t trust worthy
As he’s married with kids himself and he’s always been caught cheating on her before
And he’s done it alot from what he says

So glad I listened to my gut instinct that he want trust worthy

You are drawing some very strange conclusions here. Are you quite alright?

I can't even imagine still thinking about this 20 years later.

Clearly he wasn't the right person for you and, unsurprisingly, this turns out to be correct 20 years later. All I would say is that greeting friends more enthusiastically than you are comfortable with isn't a measure of their lifetime trustworthiness. But as you are happily married with children, it's not really an issue worth thinking about now.

Christ drip feed much

As he’s married with kids himself and he’s always been caught cheating on her before

How do you know this is you haven't seen him in over 20 years?

Sorry that should have said he’s already been caught out not always

He told me, when he contacted me out of the blue from over 20 years ago
Also said he doesn't love his wife he’s just there for the kids and she got pregnant by accident

So he's fishing for a shag. You should have told him that the state of his marriage should be private and he's being massively disrespectful to his wife. Then block. Your Mother has really let you down by not teaching you boundaries.

This is really specific yo your relationship. DH and his friends definitely greet their female friends in this way, obv not all of them but close ones. We have lots of male friends that are like this. They are generally all older than 20, mostly 30s to 50s and all in commited relationships, not the sort to stray as a rule.

Really depends on your relationship and the sort of person they are. I don't think you're right to say that because this was how he greeted a friend means he was untrustworthy, he is clearly untrustworthy regardless. I know quite a few men who on the outside appear to be the doting husband/boyfriend/father etc but are far from it. On the surface you'd never guess!

@LovelyYellowLabrador

Sorry that should have said he’s already been caught out not always

He told me, when he contacted me out of the blue from over 20 years ago
Also said he doesn't love his wife he’s just there for the kids and she got pregnant by accident

And this is somehow related to how he greeted a friend 30 years ago? How, exactly?

I can't even imagine still thinking about this 20 years later.

OP probably never gave it much thought until the ex contacted her!

Regarding your original post, then it wouldn’t bother me if he was a hugger sort of person - some men (and women) always great friends with a hug, over enthusiastic compliments etc.

Regarding the catch-up, still wouldn’t be so bad if you and him were both single. However, definitely a bit sleazy as he’s still married and you’re married (did he know you were married?).

However, seems a bit of a far fetched conclusion to feel vindicated from one over-enthusiastic greeting of a friend twenty years ago.

So the basic gist of this is 'I had a boyfriend 20yrs ago, thought he was a bit of a creep. Turns out he is a creep'

I don't know anyone who this hasn't happened to.

I get why you're playing it over though. being contacted from somebody from your past stirs a lot up.

Good for you that you trusted your own interpretation of events and not his and not your mother's.

My mother wouldn't ahve been any use either. she expected me to go from virgin to married woman with no dating, no mistakes, no humiliations, no guidance, no support, no advice. She is disappointed in me that I'm a single parent!