To be a bit fed up of going to bed at 9 every night

[Thescentoftheocean]

My job absolutely exhausts me and that combined with a poor sleeping child means I’m shattered all the time and I need to be in bed by 9 really.

But I want to stay up sometimes, watch a film. I feel like I don’t get much (if any) adult time at the end of the day.

Does anyone else know what I mean?

I can understand this. I do tend to stay up a little later, 10pm, which means I can get a bit of Netflix in but regret it every morning and swear I'm going to bed earlier the following night. I don't. This gets repeated daily. And I'm exhausted for it.

What time does baby go to bed? I used to go to bed same time as baby 7pm, then get back up at 9pm to have some adult time. Admittedly had to relax on housework but needs must.

When my DC were young primary ages and I was SP I went to bed at 8 every night unless they had a club on. We had to leave the house at 7.15 every morning for breakfast club and so I went to bed at 8.

Prioritise your sleep OP. Go to bed early and watch films on a weekend.

I know what you mean but I've been going to bed at 9pm for most of my life. Think I'm happier when I'm in bed sleeping it's the best time of the day for me. After a long day at work I'm ready to just relax, recently though I've been waiting for husband to come home so I can have someone to talk to as I'm on maternity leave now and don't have that interaction. Once baby is here though she will take all my attention and I'll probably miss my bedtime routine but worth it 😊

Excessive tiredness with one 16 month child,
to the point of needing to be in bed by 9 pm every night sounds extreme tbh.

😂😂😂

I bet you wouldn't say that if it were a newborn.

My second (and first as well tbh) slept FAR worse as a young toddler than a newborn.
She woke anywhere from 4-15 times a night- and sometimes would be awake hours on end. Then I'd have work the next day.

Thank you @Quincythequince and @fairylightsandwaxmelts. I will take Zonder’s overreaction with a pinch of salt and put their grumpiness down to perhaps over tiredness…..not as bad as OPs tiredness though obviously.

I’m sure this will be as interpreted as over tiredness and maybe it is but what have I said to warrant that catty retort?

I get you op. I went to bed at 9 for a good few years when my dc were little (they never slept past 5.30/6 so I had to in order to get enough sleep!) It won't last forever though and you'll get your evenings back for a bit - until they're old enough to be up late themselves anyway!!

14 month old here, 15 weeks pregnant, work full time and also go to bed by 9pm every night 😂 hoping more energy kicks in in a couple of years or so 🤣😴😴

Excessive tiredness with one 16 month child,
to the point of needing to be in bed by 9 pm every night sounds extreme tbh.

Except when it comes on top of an exhausting job, as OP said, @Quincythequince

Christ Dts were 5am wakers, still are. I went to bed as early as possible to be able to cope. There are definite larks and owls though, I'd never want to stay up and watch a movie. DH would though and would naturally sleep in way later than me.

@Quincythequince

Bit dramatic zonder I don’t think that was the intention of the post you refer to.

Excessive tiredness with one 16 month child,
to the point of needing to be in bed by 9 pm every night sounds extreme tbh.

If it sounds extreme, you must not have had poorly sleeping children in your life. There's meds for insomnia, not toddlers. Also depends what kind of job the person has.

Agree with @dudsville - going to bed at 9pm might be a drag sometimes but it keeps me happy and healthy 99% of the time so well worth it. Baby wakes up once or twice a night, so not terrible but I like to get up early and be properly alone.

We all go through that phase but it doesn't last. The films will still be there an a year or so.

@MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler

Some people prioritise staying up and suffer from less sleep, others prioritise sleep and go to bed early. Most parents have gone through this stage.

I went with sleep and don’t regret it for a second, it doesn’t last forever I’ve barely seen my kids since school broke up (out with friends constantly!).

I went with less sleep and being knackered most of the time.
Cat naps in the car during lunchtime at work helped.

Re badly sleeping child - fresh air before bedtime helps.

@Babyboomtastic

*Excessive tiredness with one 16 month child, to the point of needing to be in bed by 9 pm every night sounds extreme tbh.*

😂😂😂

I bet you wouldn't say that if it were a newborn.

My second (and first as well tbh) slept FAR worse as a young toddler than a newborn.
She woke anywhere from 4-15 times a night- and sometimes would be awake hours on end. Then I'd have work the next day.

No, I wouldn’t say that if it were a newborn, Because a newborn is not 16 months old and getting up very frequently for feeds is common for tiny babies.

Have had four newborns, and obviously four 16 month olds too.

It is an educated opinion of course, but we are all different, and babies are all different.

So I have been there and done that, but it’s worth noting that I am not making any judgment on OP sleeping habits, she is complaining of never doing anything.

If you’re tired when still going to bed at 9pm, just stay up and do something more meaningful
If that’s what you want to do, every so often.

You’ll still be tired, but at least you’ll feel
Differently about how you spend your spare
Time.

Or just go to bed at 8pm even - whatever suits.

@Zonder

*Excessive tiredness with one 16 month child, to the point of needing to be in bed by 9 pm every night sounds extreme tbh.*

Except when it comes on top of an exhausting job, as OP said, @Quincythequince

Yes, I get it.

I have four kids. Three aged four and under at one point!

I get it! I also worked a demanding job.

And my eldest boy (DS1) used to go to bed later, and my DS2 used to get up at 4am.

I have been there, trust me.

But OP is saying she wishes she could spend her evenings more productively.

That can be done once a week, or every other week even.

Nobody is judging her, she wants to do more.

So do a bit more, if you’re tired regardless!

We all make Choices.

Hopefully her DP is also helping at night. Not just down to her is it.

Because a newborn is not 16 months old and getting up very frequently for feeds is common for tiny babies

Its pretty common for 16m olds also. You just got lucky by the sound of it. I was far more rested with newborns personally.

The OP says her child is a poor sleeper, so her experience of a 16m old is likely to be more like mine than yours.

16 month old babies do not to be to be fed anywhere near as often as newborns, this is simply not true.

If a 16 month old is waking up to be fed as often as a newborn, there is a big problem. Or the waking has got nothing to do with food.

(Dislclaimer: I am a medical Doctor WSI in childhood nutrition). Stop making stuff up which is blatantly not true and would be a concern. OP, you have said this but if you are feeding regularly at night - like newborn stages, seek medical help now.

And Did you read the bit where I said I had 4 kids, three aged four and under, and with very different sleep habits?

But I got lucky with four did I? 🤔

If OP is tired, fair enough. I didn’t actually say I wasn’t tired, but I also didn’t go far for a few years and that was fine by me.

This is bothering OP though, hence her post.

OP you haven’t said this

@Thescentoftheocean

DS only coming up to 16 months so young … DH does let me have a lie in but it’s a drop in the ocean tbh!

How often are you getting a lie in? And are you sharing the night wakings? Because it's coming across as you doing lots more than your husband, so that needs revisiting if you are so tired.

One suggestion I have seen is to have some super early nights, so literally go to bed when the baby does, and then you can have some later nights. Better than never getting any time past 9pm.

I don't think YABU, but sometimes you have to decide between sleep and adult time. My DD 4 doesn't need much sleep and goes to sleep at 9-10pm (a mumsnet sin!) and is often up before 7.
I have my adult time from 10-midnight. Could go to bed earlier to have more sleep but I do this very rarely as I love watching a film in peace with some wine.
If you prefer sleep then prioritise that. I don't think these situations last forever.

@Quincythequince

Some of us feed babies/toddlers when they want to be fed, not just when it is 'needed'. And feeding is only one of many reasons they wake.

You had 4 that didnt wake as much at night at 16m as newborns. I had 2 that woke more at 16m. Its almost like we had different children and they have different temperaments.

Unless you are a pediatrician specialising in sleep disorders in young children your job is of as much relevance as a chocolate teapot. You specialism may mean you are able to say how often a child biologically needs to feed, but that's all.

Many toddlers wake very frequently at night. More of my friends kids are poor sleepers than good ones at that age. Few have been sleeping through unless they have sleep trained.

One suggestion I have seen is to have some super early nights, so literally go to bed when the baby does, and then you can have some later nights. Better than never getting any time past 9pm.

This is what I do when the sleep situation is grim in our house (it fluctuates, I have a 3 year old and a 14 month old) - I still stay up until about 10.30 most nights but then fall asleep when they're in bed at 7.30 once or twice a week. DH does the going to bed early night thing instead, but I just can't bear to lose the tiny bit of time to myself I get, which is what going to bed at 9 every night would feel like.

Rest assured babyboom I know exactly what I’m talking about!

No well fed child will regularly wake up for food. It’s not in line with standard circadian rhythm and sleep/wake cues. And my post was about nighttime asking to be fed. You responded to that, I was clear in my reasoning, maybe you weren’t clear in your reading.

A 16 month old is on three meals per day, two snacks and milk.

Waking up every night fine - it happens. Mine did it too.

Waking up for food - not fine. That’s not how it works and if this purported nighttime hunger is multiple times per night, and across two children (as you say of your own situation) - that’s behavioural not metabolic.

Nowhere did I say mine didn’t wake up.

I said going to be every night at 9pm, with one 16 month old, and being so exhausted, seemed a lot. It is.

So I’m OPs situation and to the point of her post, she either goes to bed earlier to she’s not tired, or just accepts a bit of tiredness to have an ‘adult night’ (whatever that means for her).