Our relationship has never been great. It was very casual in the beginning until I fell pregnant about 2 years in. 8 years later and we're very unhappy. I found out that he has been cheating on me for pretty much our entire relationship. He's adamant he hasn't cheated although it seems our definitions of cheating vary greatly. Back in 2016 I found messages between him and another woman purely by chance. I have never been one to snoop, he had left himself logged into Facebook on my laptop, I didn't realise he was logged in and I checked what I thought were my own messages as I had notifications. I found messages between him and another woman dating from 2013 (when our first child was born). These were sexually explicit and included pictures from both parties and they constantly talked about meeting up for sex although I can't confirm this ever happened. He was messaging her while me and his premature daughter were still in hospital. I knew this woman. Myself and my partner used to work together and he painted her as a stalker. He was a chef and she used to come in on her lunch break, always alone, she would always ask if he was working. It was a running joke and everyone that worked there knew her as his stalker. I was devastated, truly heartbroken, I didn't eat for a week and I wanted him gone. Looking back I was so depressed at that time and wasn't able to deal with it properly. Things gradually went back to normal although all trust was gone and ever since then I've checked his phone semi-regularly. I hate myself for doing it. The next instance happened when I was heavily pregnant with our 2ndchild. I found messages to one of his friends bragging about kissing a girl on a night out. According to him it never happened, he was lying to his friend to make himself seem 'cool'. Apparently I'd been a bitch during this pregnancy (I was incredibly stressed as we were trying to move house and he wasn't helping, again I was heavily pregnant and couldn't do anything). He'd also went to Ireland for a long weekend with the same friend group so that made me very suspicious. I found a message to a random girl sent at 2.30am. She never replied so I don't know if he'd been with her or he was just being a creep. There's also been a few overly flirtatious messages that I'm not happy with but he doesn't see a problem with them. He's not affectionate with me, we never really have sex and we're pretty much like 2 strangers who live together so it hurts all the more when I see him being caring and interested in other people.
2 weeks ago I found some very explicit messages on his phone from a woman who lives literally across the street. He is good friends with her boyfriend. Obviously she knows he has a girlfriend and kids. Between the sexually explicit messages are ones from him saying he told her not to back to him, and they would be together if it wasn't for her boyfriend and our kids. No mention of me whatsoever from either of them of course. I told him I wanted him gone. As usual he's refusing to leave, saying that he'll change and it doesn't mean anything, he loves us etc etc. I hate him. I wanted him to leave 6 years ago but he's like a parasite and just will kit leave. He makes me miserable. He sucks the life out of me. He steals from our family, lies to us all the time, steals the children's Christmas money and lies about paying bills, and lies to his own parents to try and get money out of them claiming its to feed our kids. We rent our flat as joint tenants. Neither of us can afford to move out. I can't give up the tenancy or I will be making myself intentionally homeless. I have no family that could help. He does have his dad and his brother but he won't leave. Last Saturday he made a joke about coming back to bed (he's been sleeping in the living room since this all started). I got do angry when he left I blocked him on everything and told him he could email me for anything relating to the kids. I locked the door and when we got home we had a 2 hour stand off where I wouldn't let him in. I only agreed to let him in to sleep if he would start seriously looking for somewhere else to stay. He agreed.
It's now been a week and he has done nothing, hasn't even begun to look for places. I hate my life, I hate being here with him. I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach constantly, I can't focus on anything and I'm do angry. I know legally I have no right to make him leave as we are joint tenants. The only exception to this is for dv and although he has been emotionally and financially abusive I can't prove this. How do I get him to leave? I'll be 30 on Tuesday and I don't want to waste any more time being do unhappy. This has taken over my life for the last 10 years and worn me down as a person. I feel like I am nothing. How do I make him leave?