Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Useless cms

49 replies

AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 12:03

Been split up from my ex for 5 years and in that time he has pretty much never paid any maintenance (well about 10 payments of £7 per week Hmm ) he doesn’t work or claim benefits and cms aren’t interested in pursuing anything and have never done anything about it. Every now and then he would go on benefits for a couple of weeks which is when I might get the odd payment, but as soon as they caught up with him he comes off them again. In the end I got frustrated with the whole thing and lack of payments or action from the cms that I ended up closing the case. So now he fully gets away without paying anything. Aibu to think it’s wrong that there are no consequences for not paying?
Cms never took any action in the 5 years. It seems that if you don’t want to pay maintenance then you don’t have to and nothing will be done about it.

OP posts:
VelvetChairGirl · 09/04/2022 12:11

you are not being unreasonable the system is bollocks its really just for lip service.

(but you still get blokes moaning about the ex getting everything and bleeding them dry boo hoo)

ClaymationHeartsStillBeat · 09/04/2022 12:14

of course YANBU.
My ex didn't see why he would have to pay any cm as I had enough money to pay for them myself. Trying to explain that this is not how being a parent works was almost impossible.

VelvetChairGirl · 09/04/2022 12:15

if its any commiseration if he genuinely isnt working at all and not claiming benefits, he will not be getting any pension credits so will not be eligible for the basic state pension when he is old enough.

howtomoveforwards · 09/04/2022 12:18

You’re right, it’s awful. I closed my case because it was pointless. My ex hasn’t paid in 13 years.

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 12:31

@ClaymationHeartsStillBeat

of course YANBU. My ex didn't see why he would have to pay any cm as I had enough money to pay for them myself. Trying to explain that this is not how being a parent works was almost impossible.
My ex has the same view, when I tried to sort it out between us and asked him for maintenance he told me “you don’t have kid to get paid” he viewed paying maintenance for his children as paying me? 🤦🏻
OP posts:
Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 12:31

Kids*

OP posts:
Weirdsituationworries · 09/04/2022 12:32

I have just had a letter from CMS today. It states that my exh has paid nothing and that I am owed £43352.40. I previously had a compensation payment from CSA for their failure to obtain an many from the exh.
Meanwhile exh is telling the DC that he was so short of money due to paying a huge amount of CSA/CMS and this was why he could not send any birthday or Christmas gifts. He refused my offer to go to CMS together and deal with the "fact" that he said he had paid but I received no money! My DC are being stupid to believe his lies! He is a known liar.

maeveiscurious · 09/04/2022 12:34

@Weirdsituationworries

I have just had a letter from CMS today. It states that my exh has paid nothing and that I am owed £43352.40. I previously had a compensation payment from CSA for their failure to obtain an many from the exh. Meanwhile exh is telling the DC that he was so short of money due to paying a huge amount of CSA/CMS and this was why he could not send any birthday or Christmas gifts. He refused my offer to go to CMS together and deal with the "fact" that he said he had paid but I received no money! My DC are being stupid to believe his lies! He is a known liar.
A friend went to the small claims court and won back maintenance
Weirdsituationworries · 09/04/2022 12:57

@maeveiscurious Thanks for that information. I dont think it will work for me because exh was self employed and now believed to have retired. I do not know where he lives now. I dont think the local small claims will deal with anything over £5K but I will check on that on Monday. He has always been in debt and been bankrupted 3 times as far as I knew. He never has assets in his name. He is a real fly guy. He has evaded CSA/CMS for 30 years. The DC are grown now with DC of there own.
I have another thread somewhere about his conduct and how much he controls DC and they are going along with what he says.

HeatherShiver · 09/04/2022 13:08

My ex owed me £3800 in maintenance via the CSA, who wrote off the debt without my permission...

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 13:11

Yes they wrote off arrears for my ex as well, only £1000 since he was being charged the flat rate, so was pointless even keeping it open for the arrears to build as they just wipe them off 🤦🏻 Would be interested to hear from those that have said I’m being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/04/2022 13:13

They caught up with my ex in the end just before DD1's 17th birthday. He had to pay the lot in one go. Which was nice to receive.

Keep the case open, just on the offchance that they manage to catch him in the end.

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 13:16

They write the arrears off, I’ve had them written off. 😒

OP posts:
yesitssea · 09/04/2022 13:24

It's shit.

However, if he isn't earning (job or benefits) then there is no money for them to take.

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 13:28

He is earning. 😣 Do they really think he lives off fresh air for 5 years? It’s that’s there are no consequences to not paying.

OP posts:
Gingerkittykat · 09/04/2022 14:02

I wouldn't have closed the claim as it sounds like they had collection set up directly from him as that way if he ever got a job he would be forced to pay via HMRC.

How does he support himself without a job or benefits?

My ex did all of the usual avoidance tricks like job hopping as soon as they caught up from him but it eventually caught up with him. I have received anything between 0 and £300 a month (last month was £17) and just see it as a bonus and put it in a jar for DD when she needs it.

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 14:05

That’s what I thought “if he ever gets a job” ....5 years later no job, I can’t say I think he ever will!

OP posts:
yesitssea · 09/04/2022 14:48

@AHungryCaterpillar

He is earning. 😣 Do they really think he lives off fresh air for 5 years? It’s that’s there are no consequences to not paying.
I'm sorry- it's just in your first post it says he doesn't work or claim benefits.

It's totally shit, but if he is earning cash in hand or illegally that won't be tracked by HMRC, and CMS won't get that info from HMRC. So it looks to them that he is earning nothing, and they can't take it.

coodawoodashooda · 09/04/2022 14:49

Yanbu.

LollyLol · 09/04/2022 15:00

Threads like this make my blood boil. Someone should make it impossible for men to get away with paying nothing.

Of course he’ll have a phone, he’ll buy new shoes and clothes, somewhere to live.

For sure he will have a bank account, or several.

Any time he uses his applePay or bank transfer or debit card or credit card or sets up a direct debit for anything at all, there should be an automatic % penalty applied, Say an extra 10% on the amount of the spend, and that goes straight to pay off the CMS debt. How hard could that be to set up? And if it’s a joint account, we’ll that’s just tough; the idiot who shares an account with him will just have to live with the consequences or get a separate account.

coodawoodashooda · 09/04/2022 15:05

@LollyLol

Threads like this make my blood boil. Someone should make it impossible for men to get away with paying nothing.

Of course he’ll have a phone, he’ll buy new shoes and clothes, somewhere to live.

For sure he will have a bank account, or several.

Any time he uses his applePay or bank transfer or debit card or credit card or sets up a direct debit for anything at all, there should be an automatic % penalty applied, Say an extra 10% on the amount of the spend, and that goes straight to pay off the CMS debt. How hard could that be to set up? And if it’s a joint account, we’ll that’s just tough; the idiot who shares an account with him will just have to live with the consequences or get a separate account.

That is an excellent idea.
Conway12345 · 09/04/2022 16:08

I thought I would let you know below. I got divorced 15 years ago and initially paid through a private arrangement. My ex brought a case through CSM alleging I wasn't paying enough. CSM decided I was paying too much so I paid what they said and put the difference in savings account for each child. As the eldest two have got older they have used this to help at university.

As they have got older and able to make their own decisions all three aged 21,19 and 17 live with me.

I have contacted CSM and hopefully I will now receive maintenance from my ex for the 17 year old. Not all men are bad !

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 16:23

I don’t think all are bad I know people whose exes pay without even going through the child maintenance service. But for
Those that don’t think they should it’s easier to get out of it.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 09/04/2022 16:27

What does he live off if he isn't working or claiming benefits?

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 16:28

Rents rooms out in his house.

OP posts: