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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smelly house

39 replies

ouch12345 · 09/04/2022 10:28

In Laws live a (very) long drive away so when we visit them we stay for 4-5 days. We have two young DC.

In laws are lovely and we get on with them really well and love spending time with them. They are wealthy have a big house and have a cleaner.

The issue is they have cats, one of which is very old and is known to wee and poo over the house. I don't know if they don't notice but we've stayed before and I've woke up in the morning to find cat poo right next to the bed which DC have stepped in.

Whenever we visit the smell is so bad (cat poo and wee) in certain areas of the house that it makes me gag, I'm also worried about DC playing and finding cat poo, cat wee (they are very young) and picking it up, touching it. Whenever we come home I hot wash all our clothes and feel like I need to scrub the smell off us all as it lingers.

We're due to visit in a couple of weeks (they visited us last time) and the thought of it is making me feel sick. I hate the thought of sleeping in a bed that they cat has been on, even eating there makes my stomach turn now as the cats bowl etc are in the kitchen and it spends a lot of time there.

I haven't mentioned it to DH has I don't want to make him feel embarrassed or be mean but what would you do in this situation? I don't feel like I can say anything to them without them being mortally offended? Do I stealth clean? Refuse to go? If we suggested staying in an Airbnb etc they would obviously know something is up as there house is huge. But I can't stomach another visit.

Suppose this isn't really an AIBU more of a WWYD.

OP posts:
Original poster
ouch12345 · 09/04/2022 10:30

Should have mentioned also In Laws are young and active in early 60's with no health conditions.

OP posts:
MeridasMum · 09/04/2022 10:39

I understand that you don't want to hurt feelings if your in laws or DH but this is a health hazard. I think you need to be honest.

Maybe not too honest; you don't have to say that the smell of their house makes you gag. But the random poo and pee is a worry for you with the kids and you won't be visiting until poor little puss pops his clogs!!

MrsDThomas · 09/04/2022 10:40

You have heard of toxoplasmosis i hope?

That is a reason not to go.

Ive had it and its not nice. Stay elsewhere if you must visit them.

GeoffLynton · 09/04/2022 10:41

I'd develop a cat hair allergy.

Original poster
ouch12345 · 09/04/2022 10:41

@MeridasMum you might be right I don't think he has much time left.

OP posts:
Original poster
ouch12345 · 09/04/2022 10:42

@MrsDThomas yes you're right.

OP posts:
Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 09/04/2022 10:45

Blame the dc!! She won't kick off then!! Dc have developed allergies to dcats.

Skelligsfeathers · 09/04/2022 10:46

When you arrive say ' oooih there is a funny smell- what is it? . They might be nose blind . I know my mum's clean, tidy house had a really horrible smell for a while and i just said something and hunted it down. Turns out the u- bend needed cleaning out

You know what the smell is...
Say something...you can be kind about it.

Original poster
ouch12345 · 09/04/2022 10:56

Cat allergy would be perfect but sadly we have our own cat.

OP posts:
hangrylady · 09/04/2022 10:57

I'm with PPs. Cat allergy. I couldn't stay there

Original poster
ouch12345 · 09/04/2022 10:58

@Skelligsfeathers that's a good idea, and I think eldest DC may even do that for me as she has a very sensitive nose.

I think the problem is it's not a particular place you can locate the smell. It's
permeated the whole house over time with frequent urinating over carpets, floor boards, furniture etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
ouch12345 · 09/04/2022 11:00

I think I might have to have a word with DH before we go and see if he can say something.

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 09/04/2022 11:01

I couldn't go, sounds awful.
Go with allergies approach I reckon

Jaxinthebox · 09/04/2022 11:08

oh yuk, there is nothing worse than stinky cat pee/poo! I went to view a house (with now exH) and he said, see past the decor and smell of cat pee.

I did, we bought it, but the first thing we did before ANY furniture went in was strip wallpaper and remove all the carpets and scrub the floors. Downstairs had concrete floors and the dining room took many bottles of bleach to get rid of the stench of cat pee. It stunk and had seemed to seep into the concrete.

You must say something as it is a health hazard, toxoplasmosis amongst other things is not a joke.

I have also had cats and am allergic - so you can say kids have developed allergy to cat hair/dander.

Shellingbynight · 09/04/2022 11:26

You can say something but I'm not sure how effective it will be - as you say, the wee will have penetrated into flooring and soft furnishings and it'll be a really hard task to get rid of the stench. So even if you mention it, what then?

The cat poo though is particularly disgusting. I would keep the bedroom door closed so he can't get in, and deal with any leavings elsewhere as soon as you see them (take a pack of nappy sacks or dog bags). Does he have a litter tray which he just ignores? It sounds pretty awful for the cat himself.

I am not anti-cat, I have cats myself, but really that is dire. I don't think I'd be able to stay there.

Glittertwins · 09/04/2022 11:38

If it's as bad as you say, I'd also be unhappy about staying and we also have our own cat.
It also sounds like they are better by very unfair on their cat as incontinence is a sign they are unwell. We had to take the very difficult decision of ours being PTS when she kept doing this. Fortunately it was the bathroom so didn't go through to floorboards however it was the bathroom our young DCs used and we certainly didn't want them standing in it.

Original poster
ouch12345 · 09/04/2022 11:39

@Shellingbynight yes he does have a litter tray but he's just very old, I think maybe 16/17. Yes I always keep the door closed when we're there. I'll bring some nappy bags good idea. I'll bring some anti bac wipes too.

OP posts:
AvinABarney · 09/04/2022 11:43

I feel you. ILs have dogs and carpet, plus fabric sofa. The smell is wretched, and I always find dog hair in my food, on my clothes.

No plans to say anything, I just wash everything as soon as we return, like you. Dread going there, avoid it and do not sleep over.

Even if you bring up smell, they probably won't care unless someone puts it very bluntly.

user1471538283 · 09/04/2022 12:28

I would broach it along the lines of the older cat being sick. DBoycat is 17 and has never messed anywhere. He uses the litter box if he has to but mainly he goes outside. Cats when well are very clean animals.

ConkerBonkers · 09/04/2022 12:44

Such a shame that they don't just put it out of its misery. It must be horrible to be that cat, a naturally clean animal, shitting and seeing indiscriminately round the house. I sometimes wonder at these so called animal lovers - where there loyalties are. They certainly don't seem to be thinking about the cat in all of this. I think they need a trip to the vets for a final, peaceful injection

1forAll74 · 09/04/2022 13:14

I have three cats, but they have never made a mess in the house, and they don't smell at all, I have had them for 12 years now, and the only issue is cat hairs where they sit,lie or sleep. I have a cat flap which they all use to go outside when they want to. Cats usually like to keep themselves super clean, when mine come in from outside, and may have been in the soil or mud in the garden, they spend ages cleaning themselves afterwards.. Maybe you are talking about a house cat here, who has become a bit lazy if it never goes outside, and just toilets in the house,

Ariela · 09/04/2022 13:34

I'd develop a potential allergy /sensitivity to your own cat, and ask kindly if they can shut the door to the room /& kids room immediately after the cleaner has been before you come to minimise the amount of cats hair floating about your family as you seem to be developing an irritation to it.

florianfortescue · 09/04/2022 14:02

@Missdotty

Such a shame that they don't just put it out of its misery. It must be horrible to be that cat, a naturally clean animal, shitting and seeing indiscriminately round the house. I sometimes wonder at these so called animal lovers - where there loyalties are. They certainly don't seem to be thinking about the cat in all of this. I think they need a trip to the vets for a final, peaceful injection
Completely agree with this. The cat won't enjoy being incontinent and smelling its own pee and poo. Poor animal. And poor you! It sounds disgusting. I don't know what you can do apart from have a frank, empathetic conversation with them.
Hutchy16 · 09/04/2022 14:20

Fgs…every single post on mums net is full of replied with people giving a good lie for people.

Just tell them the truth, kindly. Just say to them that you think the cat needs to go to the vet as he is not able to look after his own bodily functions, it’s not fair to the poor pet.

Tell them their house is smelly, but do it nicely, tell them you think that the cat’s incontinence is causing them issues.

I don’t know why so many people on mums net think that it is kinder to lie…it isn’t

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 09/04/2022 14:38

Oh god that sounds grim. I don't think I could cope with this for more than a day and I don't have very high standards. But poo and wee inside? Nope.
Sorry, no idea how you tactfully get out of it.