Why do I feel guilty about getting a cleaner, where as I have no guilt on going out for meals out

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Probably eat out once a week, have no problems with it

Really want a cleaner, can afford it
It gives someone else wages
Yet I feel guilty lazy and like I’m some sort of incapable person like I can cope with life
When really we are perfectly capable of doing it we just don’t want to
I don’t understand why I feel like the is about it

Don't feel guilty about giving someone a job is what I say !

Eating out = someone else cooking for you.
Getting a cleaner = someone else cleaning for you.

Both are a matter of convenience. Don't feel bad about it.

It’s cost about 18 /20 quid per hour round here so someone at earns an ok amount doing more than they would in a supermarket or ta etc so at least I don’t have to feel bad for not paying someone not enough

Why would you feel bad? You want a service in your home that lots of people offer, in return for money. There are loads of things we could do ourselves that we choose to outsource for a range of reasons - cleaning, car washing, oven cleaning, gardening. Get the cleaner.

Pay your cleaner a good wage, treat them well. No guilt needed, they are doing a job.

Cleaning is boring as fuck and a trudge, some people love it, all sensible people hate it. I'm unemployed, circumstances blah blah. I have been a cleaner in the past and tbh it's not a bad job at all, absolute bliss compared to a lot of jobs. It's different if it's not your mess, you aren't responsible for organising and rehoming things. I cleaned in a different setting to homes but I would certainly do it again.

You wouldn't feel guilty for getting a takeaway, it's exactly the same thing, outsourcing labour. The stigma thing is pure misogyny on all sides, you shouldn't shirk your womanly duties, the people who take on these womanly duties are below contempt because all they are worth is mopping up after more valuable women, a contradiction i know. People will probably take offence at this but meh.

@Featuredcreature you have a really good point. Guilt about getting a cleaner is a weird sort of patronising against women just doing a job (sorry OP, I'm not trying to have a go at you!)

If you had a car, would you service it yourself? If you had a large tree needing cutting back, would you not hire a tree surgeon? Do you outsource window or bin cleaning? Try to see getting a cleaner as a similar thing. You are outsourcing a necessary job to someone else as you don’t have the time/skill set/don’t want to/any other perfectly valid reason.
I think sometimes we see getting a cleaner as being a bit posh - when all you are doing is outsourcing a job and paying for a service for whatever good reason you have. If you can afford it and it benefits your life, I see no reason not to.

I'd rather get a cleaner than a takeaway. Love cooking, hate cleaning. I'd enjoy cleaning more if it wasn't mine and I was getting paid for it though. Yanbu- get a cleaner!

@Bunty55

Don't feel guilty about giving someone a job is what I say !

This... if you can afford it go for it

@Momijin

I'd rather get a cleaner than a takeaway. Love cooking, hate cleaning. I'd enjoy cleaning more if it wasn't mine and I was getting paid for it though. Yanbu- get a cleaner!

Same. I’d feel guilty eating out but would never feel guilty getting some one to clean my house lol

Totally get what you mean. It’s the kind of thing that if you mentioned to someone your cleaner was at your house you’d almost have to laugh after it like, how ridiculous, I have a cleaner 🤷🏼‍♀️ When as you say, why should that be the case? I pay someone to wash my car when I could do that myself but don’t brand myself as lazy for that. I pay a window cleaner when I could manage that too!

I work from home running my own business but I have a baby to juggle at the same time. When my mum isn’t watching him I need to just entertain him with something while I work through my orders. I would have to do the same thing to clean my house in addition to doing that most of the day while getting work done so I almost think why don’t I just do another order and have someone clean the house for a couple of hours for the price of it? 🤔 It is purely the lazy aspect that’s putting me off and this idea that you’re somehow expected to do everything

I said I was feeling guilty to a friend a few years ago and she told me it was a bizarre British attitude and that it was considered in her culture your civic responsibility to outsource the things you could afford to (paying reasonably of course) in order to spread your wealth. Only a selfish person would do their own cleaning when they could afford not to! Totally different thought process.

Thanks for the advice I’ve wanted to do this for probably ten years yet still haven’t for a reason I don’t know why
But soon as the Easter holidays are over I’m calling one and booking one in !

You’re paying for a service, nothing wrong with that at all.

I would never pay for my nails to be done or my car washed as I like to do these things myself; others may pay for these services. I do occasionally pay for a facial which again, others may not.

I was a cleaner during my student years and so grateful as I worked hard for good, much-needed money and for me, it was bliss working alone.

I think it’s also because women (I’m assuming you’re a woman, OP?) have always been told we have to do all the domestic drudgery and shit and look after the house and family and all that crap. If we don’t, we’re lazy basically, it’s ridiculous.

Men would never feel the need to question this!

@Makeitsoso

I said I was feeling guilty to a friend a few years ago and she told me it was a bizarre British attitude and that it was considered in her culture your civic responsibility to outsource the things you could afford to (paying reasonably of course) in order to spread your wealth. Only a selfish person would do their own cleaning when they could afford not to! Totally different thought process.

100% agree with this attitude. I can't really afford to outsource anything, but if it's a choice between hoarding money I could easily manage without, or paying somebody local to do stuff (which may then be spent in the local community), why wouldn't I do the latter?

It's because having a cleaner is a personal service and like having staff, whereas going out for a meal is an external, non-personal skilled service and a social occasion.

Not that I am saying cleaning isn't skilled, but a good housewife "should" be good at cleaning. She should be good at cooking too, but it's ok to go out for a nice meal once in a while due to the aforementioned social aspect. Therefore agree - cleaning = wife work; cooking professionally tends to still be male-dominated, so has more respect.

We have a cleaner, not because we are lazy but because we can afford it and because we rather want to spend our time with the girls. We also have a window cleaner and a couple of times a year a gardener comes to so up the worst bit in the garden.
Our cleaner is actually Male

I know exactly what you mean. I feel awkward about having a cleaner but don’t feel in the slightest bit odd about any of the other many services I pay for, car washing, window cleaning, etc.

I think PP are right - it’s just ingrained into us that it’s some kind of womanly failure to outsource your domestic drudgery.

I feel the same. I get where you’re coming from!

I think how you feel is something inbuilt in women to feel bad about outsourcing the domestic stuff; we have a cleaner as we can afford it and the little time I do have with my DC I’d rather not spend cleaning. However I don’t often mention it to people such as at work as part of me somehow feels odd about it

Logically, you are absolutely BU to treat them (going out for a meal and using the services of a cleaner) as exactly the same, but you really aren't unusual in thinking this way.

I have a cleaner, and it took me quite a while to "come out" about it
Once you do, you find quite a lot of other people have cleaners, and those that don't, wish they did.

It is odd though, as all of those people would be happy to pay someone to fix their car / decorate a room / do their nails / bake a cake / clean their windows etc., but societally there does seem a reluctance to admit that you'd rather pay someone to do your cleaning, than do it yourself.

Best £35 I spend each week

Factors could be the awkwardness of a 1:1 personal ‘employer’ relationship and/or the same person being in your home regularly.

Whereas most goods/services are provided at others’ premises, and usually more impersonal.

Our cleaner is absolutely the last luxury I would ever give up. My advice to you is to try having someone for a few months and see how you go

If you don't absolutely love the results, it's probably because you haven't found the right person so look around for someone who suits you.

As soon as you find the right person or service, you won't want to go back to not having a cleaner. I promise 😀