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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If something is important, keep it safe?

28 replies

YoungSheldon · 08/04/2022 21:56

Was round at parents today, they pulled out a toy and gave it to my child to play with. I picked it up with the kids toys as we left, just gathering things today and didn’t really clock I’d picked it up.

Long story short, this toy ended up getting lost while we were out during the day. I’ve had no end of grief since then. Emotional manipulation is my parents go to reaction whenever I’m perceived to have done something wrong so I’m never quite sure if I’m to blame or if it’s an overreaction.

I apologised for losing the toy, genuinely thought if it had been brought out for the kids to play with, it was fine to be used. I’ve since been told it’s a sentimental toy with important memories attached from childhood. I’ve been ignored or had the ‘emotionally damaged’ response to anything else I’ve said all day. AIBU to think of something is that important, keep it away from anything that could potentially cause damage? Or is this all completely my fault?

OP posts:
fxsdop · 08/04/2022 21:58

You shouldn't have taken it and when you realised, you should have returned it or kept it safe until it was returned.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 08/04/2022 22:08

Yep. Your fault.

OnaBegonia · 08/04/2022 22:09

The OP didn't realise she'd taken it away with her so 'you shouldn't have taken it is pointless'
Your parents are being ridiculous, whose toy was it?

IncompleteSenten · 08/04/2022 22:12

Whose childhood?

They gave it to your child to play with at their house. Not to take away and lose. Yes it was fine to be used because they let your child use it. That doesn't mean it was fine to be taken.

However, it's clear this is a symptom of a much bigger issue and is likely not really about the toy itself

Calandor · 08/04/2022 22:19

Shit happens. You need to apologise but equally they shouldn't have given it to the kids

Original poster
YoungSheldon · 08/04/2022 22:20

I didn’t realise I’d picked it up with the other toys. Yes I know I shouldn’t have taken it out of the house, and wouldn’t have done intentionally. Obviously I would have returned it safely if I had realised I had it.

I do feel bad about losing it, and accept that’s my fault for doing so. But I didn’t realise how important it was, and having been given to my kids thought if it meant that much something would have been said as it was handed over.

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 08/04/2022 22:21

Why did you take it, yes I think you are wrong here

Original poster
YoungSheldon · 08/04/2022 22:23

It was a little key ring sized toy, not a big toy I thought oh I’ll have that. Genuinely just absently minded picked it up as I was gathering our things together to leave.

OP posts:
fxsdop · 08/04/2022 22:24

Well yes, I suppose if something was that important to me I wouldn't give it to kids to play with in the first place

ButtockUp · 08/04/2022 22:25

How didn't you realise that this toy wasn't a new toy that parents had given?
Do you normally go out with random toys that you don't look after?

AHungryCaterpillar · 08/04/2022 22:25

So how do you know you lost it if you didn’t see it when you took it and didn’t realise you had it when out? How do you know you took it with you then?

AchillesPoirot · 08/04/2022 22:25

Sorry that they’re laying it on you.

But you did lose it.

So I’m saying I’m on the fence I suppose. Sorry

WulyJmpr · 08/04/2022 22:27

Of course they're being blooming ridiculous.

Ignore the emotional manipulation. You've apologised that's that they should move along.

DysmalRadius · 08/04/2022 22:27

It was an accident - in an ideal world you would have realised that you had it before it left the house, your parents would have checked that it was still there before you left or you would have been able to stash it somewhere safe, but it seems like an overreaction to make it into something that you should be made to feel guilty about (unless there's a huge backstory of you being careless with others' belongings?!).

Original poster
YoungSheldon · 08/04/2022 22:37

No backstory, I’m usually really careful with belongings, especially if they’re not mine. And would have been extra careful in making sure it was safe before we left if I’d have known how important it was. It was just one of those days where my child is still getting over a big and not quite 100%, hasn’t been sleeping as well for the last few days so I guess I haven’t thought as I was picking things up that that toy wasn’t one of ours.

@AHungryCaterpillar my parents couldn’t find the toy after we left, the only explanation is that I’ve taken it with me, it couldn’t have gone anywhere in their house. I can’t find it either so must have lost it somewhere while we were out today.

OP posts:
IWentAwayIStayedAway · 08/04/2022 22:40

Are you sure you lost it and its not at your parents house?

Kite22 · 08/04/2022 22:44

YABU.
Presumably this is something that you or siblings had as children and your parents have kept it all that time and enjoy seeing their dgc play with it.
a) you should have been more careful collecting things up
but, if that didn't happen then
b) when you saw it at your house, you should have put it up on a shelf / somewhere safe until you saw your parents next, and not taken it out and about with you.

ldontWanna · 08/04/2022 22:58

my parents couldn’t find the toy after we left, the only explanation is that I’ve taken it with me, it couldn’t have gone anywhere in their house. I can’t find it either so must have lost it somewhere while we were out today.

Uhmm no. The other explanation is that they lost it. Kicked it, put it away mindlessly, fell behind a sofa,in a shoe or your kids lost it/hid it in the house.

You're so used to being guilted that the only explanation is not only that you must've taken it(despite not remembering doing so), taking it out AND losing it despite never seeing it again. While it's possible there are other easier possible explanations.

Mummy1608 · 08/04/2022 23:03

Yanbu, they ABU.

The lost thing, it's a thing, just a thing, not a person. Just stuff.

I hate it when people put sentiment over real human relationships. Their real life daughter and grandkids are right there, but they're more bothered about a keyring sized toy and willing to fall out with their flesh and blood over it. Bonkers.

Ishouldreallybeonanisland · 08/04/2022 23:06

Yeah that sounds like bullshit behaviour from your parents. If it was that special then you'd expect them to mention that as they get it out for example. I think you haven't done anything wrong at all.

Siameasy · 08/04/2022 23:33

They ABU
It’s just a toy. Fancy them getting so upset about it. Stuff always goes into shambles mode when young kids/frazzled parents are around. They should’ve known that.

Freddiefox · 08/04/2022 23:37

It’s just a toy, they may have lost it, or
You may have lost it. It’s just a stick to beat you with.

WildCoasts · 09/04/2022 00:47

Whatever happened, it was an accident and not on purpose. You shouldn't be given guilt over it.

Thatswhyimacat · 09/04/2022 00:58

All of the 'shouldn't have taken it' 'shouldn't have lost it' posters have presumably never done anything accidentally in their lives.

OK, so maybe yabu to say they should have kept it under lock and key and never given it to the child, they obviously didn't expect it to be taken and lost. But it was, and it wasn't on purpose, and being horrible to you won't bring it back, so they are being stupid. It is one of those things that happens in life.

Thatswhyimacat · 09/04/2022 01:00

@Mummy1608 perfectly put