To think she has undiagnosed adhd

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 2022-04-08T20:06:05+00:00

I phoned my mum tonight and she asked me if she’d already told me how she got on at the opticians. I said yes, you told me when I phoned on Tuesday. She says “right ok” and then proceeded to tell me the whole story again🤦🏻♀️. She just had to get the story out! I maybe could have repeated saying that she’d already told me but I didn’t want to interrupt. It'd fluster her. I phone her 2 or 3 times a week and the majority of calls are me listening to her tell me all the tiny details of her days. There is no back and forth. If I respond I just get talked over. Occasionally she'll ask me how my day was and when I'm answering she'll interrupt me with something "really important/funny." It does my head in. I used to phone her weekly but during lockdown I used to phone daily. She lives on her own. I had to scale it back for my own sanity. Though in lockdown we actually had proper conversations. It was lovely. Now she's back to her routine of volunteering and church stuff it's back to her talking about how she cleaned the teapots and other scintillating stuff[confused][grin] I just posted to vent. I love her to bits but gosh she's a challenge.

Lazylady76 · 08/04/2022 21:55

Think maybe she's just lonely.

Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 08/04/2022 23:06

@Lazylady76

Think maybe she's just lonely.

She speaks to my brother and sister plus her friends and is a member of many church groups. During lock down she was deteriorating because of lack of interaction

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XenoBitch · 08/04/2022 23:09

Has she always been like this?
ADHD is a life long thing. She will have always have had it. It is not something that suddenly starts happening later in life.

Shardonneigghhh · 08/04/2022 23:11

My son is autistic and struggles with to and fro conversation. But the info you have given re your mum could mean something or it could mean nothing, it would need to be considered along with many other traits and difficulties. Neurodivergency is greatly undiagnosed, particularly in women.

Myadhdusername · 08/04/2022 23:12

Has she always been like this? Isn't it more likely dementia or something like that?

amy85 · 08/04/2022 23:15

She sounds lonely tbh

Nosetickle · 08/04/2022 23:20

This sounds so like my mum, interesting you think it could be ADHD. What makes you think that? I used to talk to my mum daily but not so often now because it’s just quite frustrating to be honest. I love her to bits but if I tell her anything about my life she always interrupts me with anecdotes about her life that I’ve heard so many times before and often when I say she’s told me that before she continues to tell me in detail the whole anecdote again. I’d like to understand why she does this and how best to handle it. I just end up getting frustrated with her and upset that she’s not listening to me and doesn’t care about my life she just wants to talk about herself all the time.

Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 08/04/2022 23:23

She has always been like this but it's getting worse with age. My dd 26 got diagnosed with Aspergers/asd last year and adhd is suspected too. I also think I and my ds 24 have both conditions.
I am just less tolerable than I used to be I think.

I have a disability and I probably don't have the energy to deal with it and tolerate her behaviour. I never express this to her, I just suck it up. She is who she is.

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Shinyandnew1 · 08/04/2022 23:23

Lonely, old/forgetful or dementia.

If she hasn’t always been like this, it’s not adhd.

Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 08/04/2022 23:25

@Nosetickle

This sounds so like my mum, interesting you think it could be ADHD. What makes you think that? I used to talk to my mum daily but not so often now because it’s just quite frustrating to be honest. I love her to bits but if I tell her anything about my life she always interrupts me with anecdotes about her life that I’ve heard so many times before and often when I say she’s told me that before she continues to tell me in detail the whole anecdote again. I’d like to understand why she does this and how best to handle it. I just end up getting frustrated with her and upset that she’s not listening to me and doesn’t care about my life she just wants to talk about herself all the time.

It's the interrupting thing mostly. Her need to get the story out. I have this urge too but I try to control it.

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Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 08/04/2022 23:27

@XenoBitch

Has she always been like this? ADHD is a life long thing. She will have always have had it. It is not something that suddenly starts happening later in life.

Yes, but I didn't really notice until my dd 26 got an asd/Aspergers diagnosis and suspected adhd

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Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 08/04/2022 23:29

@Myadhdusername

Has she always been like this? Isn't it more likely dementia or something like that?

Her mother had dementia and I think she may be on that road. It's hard not to overthink our conversations. She's 78 but quite active and VERY independent!

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VelvetChairGirl · 08/04/2022 23:31

sounds like shes going senile/dementia if she wasnt always like that.

altho my sister was like that after a heart attack it ruined her short term memory, so she'd endlessly have the same conversations with you and claim she didnt know things you'd told her 3 times before, I just learned not to bother going over the same ground again and just ignored it, or said I dont know in answer to the same old questions.

Mangogogogo · 08/04/2022 23:31

Im being ‘investigated’ (whatever the fuck that means) ADHD, my partner has ADD and my mum is exactly like yours and I don’t think she sounds like she has it. She sounds like my mum and all my friends parents once they got to an age where the children were grown.
You can also be lonely in a house full of people!

NotAScoobyToBeSeen · 08/04/2022 23:34

Im not suggesting it couldnt be something else but you can be busy and surrounded by people and still be lonely so dont automatically rule that out!

Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 08/04/2022 23:49

Yes, I do think she's lonely. She is busy but doesn't have close friends. She gets rejected. Her good friend went NC with her a few years ago. Her church friend was upset with her and others for their very unchristian reaction to her over sharing at a group meeting.

As I said I think she has adhd and possible asd. We've spoken about my dds diagnosis but she interprets it as a failing on her behalf
I don't want to cut down contact any further but I am finding it such a chore to phone her. Obviously I'm a good actress and sound thrilled and enthused by her stories.

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Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 09/04/2022 00:16

@Nosetickle

This sounds so like my mum, interesting you think it could be ADHD. What makes you think that? I used to talk to my mum daily but not so often now because it’s just quite frustrating to be honest. I love her to bits but if I tell her anything about my life she always interrupts me with anecdotes about her life that I’ve heard so many times before and often when I say she’s told me that before she continues to tell me in detail the whole anecdote again. I’d like to understand why she does this and how best to handle it. I just end up getting frustrated with her and upset that she’s not listening to me and doesn’t care about my life she just wants to talk about herself all the time.

Yes, I feel like that too. My siblings and I have just put up with it for decades. I am 50. It's not going to change it's only going to get worse

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XenoBitch · 09/04/2022 00:18

What is it you would like to see happen? If your mum was assessed and diagnosed, not would not change anything.

XenoBitch · 09/04/2022 00:18

*It would not change anything

Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 09/04/2022 00:25

@XenoBitch

What is it you would like to see happen? If your mum was assessed and diagnosed, not would not change anything.

I'm just having a moan really. Nothing is going to change. We as a family are neurodiverse I think. I just need to learn skills to tolerate my elderly mother with these diversities.

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Squashpocket · 09/04/2022 00:26

This sounds like a normal part of ageing.

She's lonely and turning inwards. No longer has time and energy for others. She cared for you for years, but increasingly the balance shifts to you caring for her. All normal, all expected. This is the circle of life. I suggest the best course of action is to make peace with it and treat your mother with as much care as she has treated you over the years, however much that may be.

Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 09/04/2022 00:35

@Squashpocket

This sounds like a normal part of ageing.

She's lonely and turning inwards. No longer has time and energy for others. She cared for you for years, but increasingly the balance shifts to you caring for her. All normal, all expected. This is the circle of life. I suggest the best course of action is to make peace with it and treat your mother with as much care as she has treated you over the years, however much that may be.

She's ALWAYS been like this though. It's getting worse. I used to handle it and tolerate it but over the past couple of years it's been difficult. My brother and sister do all the physical stuff which I can't due to my disability. I do the twice/thrice weekly phone calls nowadays. She used to come and stay with us monthly for a couple of nights. My siblings can't do that. I just feel sad for her but at the same time annoyed with her lack of self awareness!

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Apileofballyhoo · 09/04/2022 00:53

Is it the having to get the story out thing you think is ADHD related, OP?

TheSummerPalace · 09/04/2022 07:29

Its called destination amnesia - where older people can remember the source of the memory, but not who they have told about it (destination memory). Look it up on Google.

Original poster

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 09/04/2022 11:49

@Apileofballyhoo

Is it the having to get the story out thing you think is ADHD related, OP?

That and the constant interrupting, not listening or taking in information.

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