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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think nursery should pay?

87 replies

Oneshoetwoshoe · 07/04/2022 22:13

NC for this.

Our one year old came home from nursery with only one of her two very first shoes. The nursery was expecting Ofsted the next day so had had a huge clear out. They have subsequently searched high and low and emailed all the parents.

They're a lovely nursery, our baby is happy there and we're really lucky with our baby's key workers. They have both contacted us and offered to buy her a new pair together, which is really kind. However, we emailed the nursery, concerned that they appeared to be having to do so out of their own money, when we thought it was something that the nursery should pay, as a company, rather than what would be an hour's wage for two of their employees. Especially as one is very junior and the other pregnant.

Nursery have replied, telling us to clearly label our baby's clothes and that it isn't their policy to pay for missing property, as it isn't with other nurseries or schools. I get that with schools, when the children are responsible for their own things and I would never assume so with clothes, bags or coats etc, but shoes? I also don't really see how labelling would have helped in this case.

Either way, I don't know enough- really happy to be told IABU. I'm just sad we've lost one of her very first shoes, sad that we might have to buy more unnecessarily, given our financial situation and frustrated that it doesn't feel like the nursery are valuing their staff or responsibilities.

OP posts:

EliyanahM · 08/04/2022 00:28

Basically the key workers shouldn't have offered to pay, it's not that YABU thinking the nursery should be the ones to pay, because it's only in the scenario that someone other than you is paying, because they offered. But they shouldn't have offered because if they did that every time an item went missing they'd not have any wages left.

EliyanahM · 08/04/2022 00:30

Also, my daughter came out of nursery a few months ago wearing wellies, I thought ok, her shoes must have been destroyed, went out bought her new shoes. Easter break and I get handed a plastic bag with her (now far too small) shoes in, stinking of piss. Lol

SleepingStandingUp · 08/04/2022 00:32

So you picked her up say I na Wednesday and they had an inspection on the Thursday. So Wednesday when you asked where her shoes were, what did they say? Surely even if they'd been having a sort out, the shoe couldn't have gone far in a few hours?

AegonT · 08/04/2022 07:59

I would expect nursery (not individual staff) to pay in this situation. They were clearly careless in their clear out. Yes labelling would help but even unlabeled it would be in lost property or at another child's house not in the bin. My children go to school/pre-school/camp in good quality fairly expensive shoes and they've only been lost once (and found again a few days later).

DropYourSword · 08/04/2022 08:02

You label EVERYTHING they go in with. Everything. And only ever send them in with cheap stuff.
It's really not realistic to expect them to pay.

MRex · 08/04/2022 08:54

Old Tshirts are fair game, but shoes aren't throwaway items. I wouldn't make nursery pay, but I would expect an apology and a plan to be more careful with shoes in clear-outs.

ImustLearn2Cook · 08/04/2022 09:03

How long has this shoe been missing? Is there a possibility that it might be found?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 08/04/2022 09:19

Op’s not coming back are they?

Isonthecase · 08/04/2022 09:19

Unfortunately an expensive but useful lesson for you. Basically don't send your child to nursery in anything you'd be gutted if they lost them, they can't possibly keep track of absolutely everything with so much clothing around that may be special to you but isn't to them. And yes, I know your pain, it still rankles that my child lost one of his lovely fancy shoes on a day out in 2018 🙈

TabithaHazel · 08/04/2022 09:24

I think if these first shoes were so important for you to keep as a keepsake you shouldn't have sent them into nursery in the first place - especially if they were not labelled. If you had at least labelled them then if they showed up in another kid's bag then they would be able to make their way back to you. I think it's a bit unreasonable for you to even consider wanting the nursery to pay for shoes that your child will probably grow out of in a couple of months anyway.

Anyway, just chalk it up to experience, this is just the beginning of things belonging to your child that will be lost and not a big deal in the grand scheme of things - you can buy relatively cheap but good quality shoes from Sainsburys or Asda these days, so hopefully replacing them won't break your budget this month.

Dinoteeth · 08/04/2022 09:26

@Bunnycat101

nightsoutasap Like another poster has said that was lovely of you but I don’t think you needed to. I expect my toddlers to have accidents and that means they might wee on their shoes. I don’t think that was your responsibility to replace at all. There have been a fair few times I’ve picked up my youngest and she’s left in wellies as her shoes had been antibacked and drying after an accident.

I agree, I've cleaned shoes after accidents. It happens. I bet if it happened at home mum would clean them.

Hiddenvoice · 08/04/2022 09:31

The keyworkers should not have offered to pay for the shoes.
Where are the shoes kept during the day?
Sadly all childrens belongings should be labelled and I wouldn’t send them to nursery with anything you don’t want to get ruined- covered in paint/mud.
Things are easily misplaced and could easily been picked up by another member of staff, child or even parent/caregiver. I don’t think the nursery should pay to replace it.
I understand you’re annoyed and j would complain to them too but I would expect them to replace it.

JudgeRindersMinder · 08/04/2022 09:51

I think people who are basically saying you should suck it up are missing the point!
The shoe hasn’t “gone missing” or been “mislaid”, it’s been thrown up when the nursery were having a clear out for an inspection.

A clear out which shouldn’t have been necessary as the place should be kept in proper order all the time, not just because they know they’re getting an inspection!

Absolutely pursue this with the management of the nursery, when my kids were that age they only possessed 1 pair of shoes at a time because I bought quality rather than quantity and I was paying approx £40 a time and that was 20-25 years ago!

A Cardigan or similar going AWOL I could just about live with, but not their bloody shoes-how are they supposed to go outside in 1 shoe??

SpringIntoChaos · 08/04/2022 09:54

I'm honestly staggered at some of the responses on this thread!!

Whilst I totally agree that things do get lost/taken home by the wrong child/ruined by paint etc (I'm a primary school teacher so know FULL WELL how things go missing!) I don't believe FOR ONE SECOND that this is one of these moments!

The nursery have admitted to throwing the shoe away ffs...it hasn't been 'lost'...they THREW IT AWAY 🤦‍♀️

It wouldn't have made an ounce of difference if it had been labelled in this instance. They were in an 'Ofsted Panic' (totally get this by the way) and the shoe was chucked out!

Of course they should replace it...shoes are bloody expensive! This isn't a vest or a pair of socks we are talking about here!

I'd most definitely be going back and reminding them that they need good feedback from parents whilst Ofsted are on site 🤔

BuffyFanForever · 08/04/2022 09:55

Always always label shoes. They are actually something that goes missing ALOT more than you would think with little ones. It was very kind of the staff to offer to buy another pair (definitely wouldn’t take them up on this though) but the nursery were never ever going to pay for that!

Plumbear2 · 08/04/2022 09:56

You label everything, especially with babies because they are unable to say that item is mine.

00100001 · 08/04/2022 10:02

"lots of issues we have created by wearing shoes."

Caused by ill fitting, poor quality shoes.

Soontobe60 · 08/04/2022 10:14

@Mummy1608

You can get shoe labels. I would label everything from now on.

We've also lost stuff at nursery but only when it was unlabelled. I still don't label everything but I label stuff I don't want to lose

If the shoe is lost, then a label wouldn’t have made any difference!

I’m in the nursery should pay camp. There will only be a few children in the same room as the OPs baby, so how hard should it have been to ensure their baby came home in the same shoes she arrived in? The only way it could have ended up in another child’s bag is if a member of staff mistakenly put it there. It could have come off whilst the baby was playing, in which case a quick search of the toy boxes would turn it up. It sounds to me that someone has unknowingly thrown it away. It’s irrelevant who that was, but the Nursery should pay, or at least offer compensation towards another pair of shoes.

Soontobe60 · 08/04/2022 10:15

@BuffyFanForever

How can shoes in a room in a private nursery go missing? It’s not like the children have an area the size of a football pitch to play in!

mummyh2016 · 08/04/2022 10:17

@SpringIntoChaos

I'm honestly staggered at some of the responses on this thread!!

The nursery have admitted to throwing the shoe away ffs...it hasn't been 'lost'...they THREW IT AWAY 🤦‍♀️

It wouldn't have made an ounce of difference if it had been labelled in this instance. They were in an 'Ofsted Panic' (totally get this by the way) and the shoe was chucked out!

Of course they should replace it...shoes are bloody expensive! This isn't a vest or a pair of socks we are talking about here!

I'd most definitely be going back and reminding them that they need good feedback from parents whilst Ofsted are on site 🤔

It got thrown away because they believed it was lost. Nursery didn't just take a shoe off a random child and decide to throw it away! You work in a school, if the same thing happened at school would you expect school to replace it? No. And definitely don't threaten to leave bad feedback with ofsted to get them to replace. These people have to look after your child, and whilst I know they won't do anything to your daughter you might find there's a bit of a frosty atmosphere or might not go out of their way to help you the way they normally do.

ladycarlotta · 08/04/2022 10:21

I think this is your first painful lesson not to send anything you care about into nursery. I also totally get that this is an emotive moment with it being your child's first shoe.

You can definitely get cheap first walkers that are adequate for very small children's feet - try Dottyfish or buy second hand. Nursery is definitely a playwear only environment as I've learned the hard way.

We lost one of my kid's first shoes when she removed it in the buggy and I guess flung it away without my noticing - I was gutted at the time but it actually meant that the surviving shoe was in very good condition and since it was no longer usable I stuck it in one of those box frames to display in her room forever. So it was actually quite a nice way of having a keepsake, when I might have passed them on to another family otherwise.

Dinoteeth · 08/04/2022 10:26

Op I have sympathy and I get it, my kids only had one pair of shoes at a time at that age.
My guess is nursery want kids in slippers / indoor shoes. Helps keep the floors clean etc.
Her outdoor shoes should have gone in her bag or shelf, fallen on the floor or something and someone else stupidly binned it instead of checking the bags, or shelf where they were?

Sounds like there has been a lot of clutter, unclaimed, spare clothes lying around too.

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/04/2022 10:42

I don't think either the staff or nursery should pay.

It's a run if the mill hazard.

Only send in clothing you don't mind being absolutely destroyed or lost.

ASDA and Primark and second clothes and shoes are ideal.

Sherrystrull · 08/04/2022 11:05

@Holskey

Only send your child to nursery in clothes you don't mind being lost or ruined

Um no, I'm not prepared to lose a shoe. I don't think we should have the expectation that shoes will go missing and that we should just buy new ones.

OP Yanbu

Um yes.

I've worked in schools for years and things get lost. Other children take things home by mistake and then don't return them. Things get scooped up with other things and misplaced. It happens.

I sent my kids to nursery in old clothes and either old wellies or hand me down shoes. They only wore them when they were outside and then when home they wore their proper fitted shoes. It doesn't seem to have affected their development.

BuffyFanForever · 08/04/2022 11:27

@Soontobe60 have you ever worked with very young children? Believe me they don’t need a football pitch area to lose an item. It’s usually a much beloved item that disappears as if with the fairies! Labelling won’t remove the issue but you’d be surprised how much it can help!

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