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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nursery should pay?

87 replies

Oneshoetwoshoe · 07/04/2022 22:13

NC for this.

Our one year old came home from nursery with only one of her two very first shoes. The nursery was expecting Ofsted the next day so had had a huge clear out. They have subsequently searched high and low and emailed all the parents.

They're a lovely nursery, our baby is happy there and we're really lucky with our baby's key workers. They have both contacted us and offered to buy her a new pair together, which is really kind. However, we emailed the nursery, concerned that they appeared to be having to do so out of their own money, when we thought it was something that the nursery should pay, as a company, rather than what would be an hour's wage for two of their employees. Especially as one is very junior and the other pregnant.

Nursery have replied, telling us to clearly label our baby's clothes and that it isn't their policy to pay for missing property, as it isn't with other nurseries or schools. I get that with schools, when the children are responsible for their own things and I would never assume so with clothes, bags or coats etc, but shoes? I also don't really see how labelling would have helped in this case.

Either way, I don't know enough- really happy to be told IABU. I'm just sad we've lost one of her very first shoes, sad that we might have to buy more unnecessarily, given our financial situation and frustrated that it doesn't feel like the nursery are valuing their staff or responsibilities.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 07/04/2022 23:05

Bit worrying they were having a big clear out for ofsted. The inspection comes at short notice now so this doesn't happen and they get a glimpse of normal life at the setting.

FruitToast · 07/04/2022 23:09

I wouldn't expect nursery to pay. A 1 year old can't be responsible for their shoes but neither can nursery workers if they weren't labelled and therefore they don't know who they belong to, staff take breaks and staff have to room swap throughout the day to maintain ratios. We label EVERYTHING (even the £1 Primark sunglasses) that goes into nursery and it normally finds its way home, albeit sometimes a week or 2 later. Take this as a learning experience, replace with some cheap Asda first walkers for nursery shoes, get yourself some stick in name tags and NEVER send anything expensive or with sentimental value to nursery.

Kanaloa · 07/04/2022 23:22

@Sherrystrull

Only send your child to nursery in clothes you don't mind being lost or ruined.
Really? I’ve worked in nurseries for years and yes you have to accept that clothes may get paint or messy play on them but you shouldn’t just be resigned to shoes being thrown away. I would expect a parent to be pretty annoyed if their kid came to nursery with two shoes and went home with one - and as for be prepared to lose them most people can’t afford a new pair of shoes every time nursery loses a pair.
Wineat5isfine · 07/04/2022 23:22

Oh good lord 🤦🏼‍♀️

Bunnycat101 · 07/04/2022 23:25

nightsoutasap Like another poster has said that was lovely of you but I don’t think you needed to. I expect my toddlers to have accidents and that means they might wee on their shoes. I don’t think that was your responsibility to replace at all. There have been a fair few times I’ve picked up my youngest and she’s left in wellies as her shoes had been antibacked and drying after an accident.

Kanaloa · 07/04/2022 23:25

@Tumbleweed101

Labelling really helps everyone. If your child is there for a long day they may not be with the same staff you handed them to at the end of the day. I often end up with children I don't care for during the main part of the day at the end of the day and have no idea whose coat/shoes is who. I just hope my colleagues have kept everything in the right place.
But surely (well when I’ve worked in childcare) if you pick up a shoe you don’t go ‘oh no label. Oh well, bin it.’

You look at all the babies in the room, see who has shoes on, see one baby has only one shoe and it’s the same as the one you’re holding, and put it on that child/put both shoes in that child’s bag. Or ask around, or put it in the post and found. You don’t just throw a shoe in the bin.

WhereHasSpringSprungTo · 07/04/2022 23:26

My dcs nursery stipulated to label everything inc pants and vests.
Id just leave it. It was nice of the workers to offer but i wouldn't accept nor would i expect the nursery to pay.
Common sense says to at least label expensive items.

Ps you can get printed labels specifically for shoes

Holskey · 07/04/2022 23:36

Only send your child to nursery in clothes you don't mind being lost or ruined

Um no, I'm not prepared to lose a shoe. I don't think we should have the expectation that shoes will go missing and that we should just buy new ones.

OP Yanbu

Loginmystery · 07/04/2022 23:38

@Giraffesandbottoms

Don’t buy second hand shoes - they are moulded to the feet of the previous owner and that’s not actually good. Shoes are one of the things you definitely should not buy second hand. And should buy quality.

I think YANBU. They lost the shoe and should replace it!

I agree with this completely. I would never buy second hand shoes for the reason above and also I think the nursery should be able to pay for the shoes.
Brett239 · 07/04/2022 23:39

No, the nursery is not responsible. Buy a few pairs so you have spares.

RussianSpy101 · 07/04/2022 23:43

YABU to expect them to pay. YABU to not label every item that goes to nursery aswell.

Just buy new shoes.

@nightsoutasap complete overkill. Would never expect an item to be replaced due to an toileting accident. Is it really financially sustainable for you to do that for each child who has an accident?

Stompythedinosaur · 07/04/2022 23:44

Items get lost sometimes at childcare. It is just one of those things. If you had your dc with you all the time, things would also get lost and need replacing. It is just one of those things that happens.

Clearly not appropriate for low paid employees to pay for new shoes though.

Walkingalot · 07/04/2022 23:48

I still label my DS's stuff and he's at High School, lol. Honestly, this is the first of numerous items being lost. Yes, it's sad, her first shoes, I get it.

RobynNora · 07/04/2022 23:49

I think YANBU. My young toddler’s last pair of shoes cost £40 and I’d be well peeved if they were thrown in the bin in an Ofsted clear out. I don’t spend much on clothes but never skimp on shoes so I’d be annoyed at that sort of carelessness. The nursery rather than staff should pay, I agree. So nice of them to offer to split costs though

ittakes2 · 07/04/2022 23:50

Sorry you need to label your items.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 07/04/2022 23:51

Labels or having your dc’s name in the shoe is very likely to have helped in this situation . You don’t mention @Oneshoetwoshoe if they were labelled but the advice that the nursery gave hints that they weren’t.

Also who picked her up and took her home with only one shoe? Things are usually found more easily the same day so why would they have left with just one shoe?

I think you and your partner (if you have one) need to chalk this up to experience and learn from it to avoid a reoccurrence.

MrsIglesias · 07/04/2022 23:53

Nurseries are really really struggling right now. Lots are close to closing. Read the latest Early Years Alliance survey. Lost shoe is annoying but won't happen again. There's lots of shoes in charities shops. Id leave it.

Notcreativeatall · 07/04/2022 23:54

Were they labelled?
YABU - i actually find it quite sad that the key workers were offering to replace- they are responsible for looking after the child not really her belongings

BFPDec21 · 08/04/2022 00:02

@Sherrystrull

Only send your child to nursery in clothes you don't mind being lost or ruined.
We quickly came to this realisation and I'd say this is the best advice.

Lots of things get lost at nursery over time and jumpers will get lost at school as well. Did you say anything immediately and wait for them to look the same day?

I think they're right about the labeling and it's one of those things that you'll have to replace yourselves. I wouldn't think of asking them to pay for it.

CrabbyCat · 08/04/2022 00:03

We labelled shoes and coats at nursery, but not clothes, I just sent them in older stuff. Shoes we didn't label until we got a message about another child having come home in a mismatching pair of shoes. On checking, we realised it was DS who had the mismatching pair. They were only 0.5 size different and whilst original different coloured (blue and grey) versions of the same model shoes, with dust and dirt on them they looked the same. We'd never have noticed the mix up if the other parent hadn't. From that point on, we labelled, I really hadn't thought previously about how many almost identical shoes a nursery juggles!

surreygirl1987 · 08/04/2022 00:05

I think you are being very unreasonable. Things go missing. Those poor staff members thinking they had to pay for it themselves! Staff at my nursery always seem worried when my sons' things go missing / get damaged, but I've made it clear it doesn't matter (and I only send my boys to nursery in cheap second hand things anyway!).

medicmummm · 08/04/2022 00:11

DS had “nursery shoes” usually cheaper supermarket ones or Clark’s outlet as they would only be played in and get messy.

DS also lost a school shoe at school once, it was named and they paid for a new pair. Also had a shirt damaged by another child and made the other child buy him a new one! It’s private though if that makes a difference (although nursery also are)

Best of luck… perhaps a cheaper spare pare for nursery are the answer

SleepingStandingUp · 08/04/2022 00:17

Is the issue here how much you're spending o shoes for nursery given that replacing them would costs several hours wages? It's nursery, don't NT send them in best stuff, or expensive shoes etc especially given money is tight

thirdfiddle · 08/04/2022 00:23

Not unreasonable. The nursery should pay, not members of staff out of their own pocket. Do you have anything else like trainers or wellies he could wear for a day or two to see if it turns up? Depending on how tight money is I'd try to absorb the cost, but it is on their watch and shoes are not throwaway items for toddlers.

You have now learned that they do take shoes off, so definitely label them. We just have a big pack of those washable sticky labels and stick them on everything. Even in shoes they last long enough - more wear but less washing.

thirdfiddle · 08/04/2022 00:26

We only usually had one pair of shoes for toddlers. They shouldn't be going around in badly fitting ones, and properly fitted ones are expensive, and they grow out of them so often. I don't think most people have the money to have multiple pairs of shoes let alone throwaway ones every time a toddler changes size.