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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say screw the lot of you and drive off into the sunset

39 replies

Jumpjumparound · 07/04/2022 15:28

I know IABU, more a vent than anything. Just back from a week’s holiday with DH and 3 DC, 11, 9 and 4. Lovely cottage, lots of fun activities planned and they have been rude and complained about the whole thing from start to finish. DC have done nothing but fight the whole time over things you wouldn’t even think it possible to fight over. Apparently DC 4 was looking at DC 9’s book for example. Not touching it, just looking at it from a distance. DH has been in a mood the whole week over something that happened at work before we left. I’ve tried to be sympathetic but he left me with all the cooking and cleaning to do (it was easier just to do it myself) and now we’re home has disappeared off to his mate’s house, so I l have even more cleaning and unpacking to do. Now I’ve locked myself in the bath and the kids are outside the door, arguing with each other. I’ve never done so much for people who seem so utterly disgusted and ungrateful for it. WIBU to drive off and leave them all to it? (Once DH gets back from his mate’s of course).

OP posts:

Esspee · 07/04/2022 15:33

Do you have a friend or family member you could visit as soon as your DH (or should that be just H) returns? I would leave the unpacking and disappear off until bedtime.
I did that once and the family went into shock. No idea what they had for dinner that night but behaviour improved dramatically after that.

ForeverLooking · 07/04/2022 15:34

God no YANBU. DO IT.
I wouldn't unpack, wash or sort out your "D"H stuff either. Leave it in the suitcase and put it to the side.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 07/04/2022 16:16

I think a couple of nights in a hotel is the least you deserve

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/04/2022 16:25

Hire a coach and you'll easily fill it with people who want to come with you and escape their squabbling ingrates.

Cherrysoup · 07/04/2022 16:29

I’m appalled that your dh has fucked off to his mate’s house. Did he even help to unpack the car? I’d be furious.

Iloveartichokes · 07/04/2022 16:40

I’d down tools immediately, smile whilst skipping past H at the door, and have a weekend in a luxury hotel. Make sure you pamper yourself so you have a holiday.

theprincessofliechtenstein · 07/04/2022 16:55

Pack your overnight bag instead of unpacking their stuff, wait for DH to get back and be out the door before he's had time to shut it. Don't text for at least an hour. Let 'un sweat.

AntarcticTern · 07/04/2022 16:57

Your DH is the one I'd be cross with. The kids are just being kids. How dare he leave everything to you?

Dillydollydingdong · 07/04/2022 17:00

I disappeared once for five days. No hesitation. It not only scared the life out of them but it means they have to look after themselves and you get a nice break. Afterwards, just say you'll do it again if they carry on like this.to

Sexnotgender · 07/04/2022 17:03

Fuck no. Ungrateful monsters.

Is your DH usually such a useless dickhead?

mollyblack · 07/04/2022 17:04

Time to book a couple of nights away for yourself. And keep doing as often as you can manage.

ForeverSingle881 · 07/04/2022 17:04

Do it. 2 nights at least, I recommend 5 so they really need to do shit on their own. Your DH is an absolute arse.

Bonheurdupasse · 07/04/2022 17:06

@Dillydollydingdong

This OP.

Very seriously, take a few days away, whether at a friends or a Premier Inn.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/04/2022 17:12

@theprincessofliechtenstein

Pack your overnight bag instead of unpacking their stuff, wait for DH to get back and be out the door before he's had time to shut it. Don't text for at least an hour. Let 'un sweat.

This. Even if it's a Travelodge on the motorway it gets you away from them. Plus you can get wine and snacks from the M&S/Waitrose.

Are they normally like this day to day and on holiday? Why have you ended up in a position where he doesn't do his share of cooking and cleaning?

LikeAStar1994 · 07/04/2022 17:20

Yes, you definitely should!

I'm so sorry it was a rubbish holiday and I'm sad that you have tried so hard to make it lovely for everyone but they didn't appreciate it at all. I would do as other people have suggested and take yourself off somewhere. Give them a fright

incognitoforthisone · 07/04/2022 17:21

Your DH was in a mood for an entire week because something annoyed him at work? A WEEK? And now he's just gone off and left you dealing with all the unpacking? What an absolute tool.

Also, kids will be kids, but I think a 9-year-old should be past the point at which they throw a strop because [checks notes] someone looked at something from a distance. I mean, that's the sort of thing a two-year-old has a tantrum about.

In all seriousness, I would absolutely sit the kids down and tell them how utterly obnoxious and ungrateful they've been, if you haven't done that already. And I would also be taking myself off for a few nights somewhere - anywhere - the moment DH came home.

OutingHobby · 07/04/2022 17:24

@Esspee

Do you have a friend or family member you could visit as soon as your DH (or should that be just H) returns? I would leave the unpacking and disappear off until bedtime. I did that once and the family went into shock. No idea what they had for dinner that night but behaviour improved dramatically after that.

Yes Do this

1forAll74 · 07/04/2022 17:26

You should still have a few rules to go through, even when on holiday,, to quell some bad behaviour from children, and to get people doing a few bits to help out with things, so its not all left to you..

2catsandhappy · 07/04/2022 17:26

Pack an overnight bag and book a hotel online. Leave all the suitcases to the dc and dh/dp.
Be ready to leave as soon as his key is in the lock.
Have fun xx

tackling · 07/04/2022 17:26

Vanishing off punishes the kids unfairly. As someone else said, they're just being kids.My mum pulled this shit threatening to walk out and it wasn't okay, it left us terrified all the time, and it wasn't our fault - it was our dad she was really unhappy with.

But I'd be bloody having a pointed discussion with "DH".

GreenLunchBox · 07/04/2022 17:26

DC have done nothing but fight the whole time over things you wouldn’t even think it possible to fight over. Apparently DC 4 was looking at DC 9’s book for example. Not touching it, just looking at it from a distance.

Ylvamoon · 07/04/2022 17:26

Sounds like you need a little break!

Do you have a friend/ family who live a few hours away? I think it's time for a long weekend visit!

SockFluffInTheBath · 07/04/2022 17:31

All those threads from people undecided about having kids need to redirect to this one because this is the bloody reality of being a mother. Leave the washing OP, give the kids a frozen pizza and the tv remote, and get yourself a nice hot bath. DH can sort the car and the washing when he bothers to get home, and if DC don’t have their favourite pants in the morning then it’s on dad.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 07/04/2022 17:34

I am hoping you have nice car snacks, a great audio book to listen to and that as you drive off into the sunset you enjoy the total freedom of the moment.

Mummy1608 · 07/04/2022 17:35

@tackling

But I'd be bloody having a pointed discussion with "DH".

I agree with this. My mum was also sometimes volatile and it was terrifying.

You're very right to be angry with your husband, very angry. But your kids are just being kids; they could benefit from better discipline no doubt but disappearing isn't the way to go about it

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