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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A.i.b.u to set struggling dd 16 , hours of revision over Easter?

56 replies

Thinkyoung · 07/04/2022 13:51

I say struggling because i think she has inattentive a.d.h.d (due to be assessed just after g.c.s.e but there is no attempt to struggle). She is capable of passing, just but does badly in exams. She has low self esteem . Left to her own devices she does nothing apart from phone, or movies. So do i leave her to fail or crack the whip with hours to perhaps pass some? A.i.b.u to insist on productivity?

OP posts:
Katyrosebug · 07/04/2022 13:53

Easter is a time for her to recharge. Let her just be a teenager and her age and don't put too much pressure on her otherwise she'll become overwhelmed

RampantIvy · 07/04/2022 13:53

It sounds like she does need extra support to revise, yes.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 07/04/2022 13:54

It would be sensible if you went through revision books with her. What are school offering in terms of intervention. My 16yo is middle set for maths and is predicted grade 6, her school are doing 2 hour intervention sessions after school to help her achieve the 6.

EmpressCixi · 07/04/2022 14:11

If she has ADHD no amount of “cracking the whip” will alter how well she does in exam conditions. If anything, I’d work on her confidence and also find out from school what sort of support they are giving her. (You really should have had her assessed years and years ago.)

Grasshole · 07/04/2022 14:14

It's not fair or helpful in any way to say that the op should have had her daughter assessed years ago because inattentive ADHD presents very differently in girls and can be extremely difficult to work out what's going on. This is why it's more commonly recognized and diagnosed during the teen years.

Op, I think you could insist on some revision, but you will have to commit to sitting and helping/supervising.

And yy, definitely make sure the school are giving enough support.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 07/04/2022 14:25

What do you know about inattentive ADHD and appropriate learning techniques?Having her sit down with books or notes s going to do nothing for her if she has ADHD she'll benefit from physically manipulating items instead of writing or reading. How is her working memory and processing speed?

You would be better off quizzing her verbally whilst she does something with her hands to stay focussed. Making revision cards with her and quizzing her or playing snap ie in chemistry write out the names of organic molecules on one card and the formula for them on another. Get some lining paper from B&Q and draw circles on it to represent atoms and the shells/orbits and write Xs or use bottle tops for electrons, protons and neutrons etc.

whenwillthemadnessend · 07/04/2022 14:27

My dd has slow processing officially but is very bright and able . No amount of nagging helps. She has tutors in English maths and science which I look at as her revision time.

She relies on her Pre held knowledge and a small amount of cramming and scrapes 6s and a few 7 s in mocks when lucky. She is doing 3 non exam type GCSEs art etc and is getting 8s.

But because I can't get her to apply herself in subjects that require revision she won't get the high grades in the other subjects. It's extremely frustrating but nagging was affecting our relationship so I stopped doing it and we are both happier for it. Her life sadly.

Unsureaboutit9 · 07/04/2022 14:32

If you do it I’d try and do it in a positive way rather than ‘setting’ her hours of revision as you’ve said and telling her to do it. Can you have insentives for doing it? Like a cinema trip reward or extra pocket money etc.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/04/2022 14:34

I saw a tip online which said that as you read a piece of work, instead of writing notes, write yourself questions. Then, at a later date, go back and read your own questions and try and answer them.

Could she set some time aside in the first weekend to read over her most challenging subjects, write herself 10 questions for each topic. Then, put everything away and have a break. Don't pick the questions back up until the latter part of the fortnight off and sit and try and answer them then.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/04/2022 14:36

Also, are there any subjects (aside from Maths and English) that she either absoloutley excells at, or plans to drop asap and it probably doesn't matter what grade she gets?

If so, give her permission to cross these subjects off her revision list. It's a weight off.

loopylindi · 07/04/2022 14:36

some people learn better using more graphic representations - so use visual clues such as flow charts, word clouds, numbered rather than bullet pointed lists, cartoons . These strategies really do work. Also developing routines/ movement routines, clapping, chanting, playing ball against a wall, associations. There are loads of ways of making learning fun so she doesn't realise she's learning. Can she buddy up with a friend (in person not on the internet) to discuss topics with?

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 07/04/2022 14:38

It is also worth going through past exam papers and going over how to actually answer the questions even though they will have done this at school.

If you write an 'X' in a tick box if read by a scanner it will be wrong.
Ticking too many/too few boxes.
Not realizing where the question is or what it is actually asking.
Learning not to panic or give up if they see a question with lots of writing, often they give lots of information but the question itself is easy.

I've scribed for a student that left a question blank as it asked them to draw the particles in neon gas, they got thrown because they didn't know what neon gas looked like, had the question been 'draw particles in a gas' they could have answered it easily and the answer is the same.

Gowithme · 07/04/2022 14:46

Mine has ASD and I organise all his revision. I find the CPG books are really good. I'd keep sessions short. Maybe half an hour, 3 times a day.

VeryMuchFlaggingMinty · 07/04/2022 14:50

Being a dragon about revision isn't going to help anyone.

As a PP said...do some research into appropriate techniques, then sit down with her and support her to put a revision plan in place.

Revising in sprints might work for her...15 minutes at a time then a break.

Is there an SEN teacher at school you could ask to point you in the direction of some resources for planning.

Chely · 07/04/2022 14:53

Revision is overrated

AlexaShutUp · 07/04/2022 14:55

I think "insisting on productivity" is the wrong approach, and you will alienate her if you pursue it. If she does have adhd, then it isn't laziness that gets in the way of her doing stuff, it's poor executive function. It can be very, very hard to get started on stuff.

I think you need to reframe the conversation. Instead of "insisting on productivity", ask her how you can support her with her revision and help her to stay focused on what she needs to do.

Dancingbea · 07/04/2022 14:58

Agree with @gowithme - short focused sessions where you have decided in advance what you are going to cover and how. The good thing about this lot of GCSEs is the topics are very defined.

ExtraOnion · 07/04/2022 15:05

It doesn’t matter, she can always take them again.

There are a myriad of pathways to get you to where you want in life.

DD (Y11) is currently being assessed for ASD .. she’s high functioning and really bright, there is every chance she will leave will no GCSEs . She still going to college, not A-Levels, but she’ll be fine.

She wants to work in Law, but she may be a couple of years behind her peers.

It doesn’t matter .. as long as her mental health is good, that we are talking, and she’s on an even keel is enough for me.

Not all kids will be ready to take exams at 16

RampantIvy · 07/04/2022 15:07

It doesn’t matter, she can always take them again.

Only English and maths as far as I know. It isn't usual to retake other subjects.

EmpressCixi · 07/04/2022 15:08

It's not fair or helpful in any way to say that the op should have had her daughter assessed years ago because inattentive ADHD presents very differently in girls and can be extremely difficult to work out what's going on. This is why it's more commonly recognized and diagnosed during the teen years.

Not sorry, parents need to be more involved regarding SEN and not coasting until GCSEs and having a oh shit Sherlock moment.

We’ve known for decades that ADHD presents differently in girls. My DD has it. Suspected age 6, assessed and diagnosed aged 7. And that was gosh, she’s 20 now, so 13yrs ago?

zoemum2006 · 07/04/2022 15:12

Make sure she knows how to revise and the best method for her and then what structure/ support she needs to achieve it.

So what might work……create 10 flash cards on the Second World War in 30 Minutes (set a timer).

Once that’s done you need to check it and maybe ask her a few questions on what she’s written.

That would probably be enough for 1 day (she might be able to do two sessions?)

Calennig · 07/04/2022 15:13

I was planning on sitting down with DS and doing some.

senca quizlet CPG books and work books might be useful tools.

School has a maths and science app that they set work on and can do revsion with.

For certain subjects nothing seems to happen unless I'm sat next to him keeping him on track.

Revision techniques - what really works?.

Best things are start early and test a lot - and if teachers are putting revsiosn classes on make sure they go.

Calennig · 07/04/2022 15:15

Quizlet is an on-line flash card system - works well for DD2 and DS as they can do it on their phones quickly. DD1 claims it doens't work as well for her as she gets more from phyically writing it out.

PineappleWilson · 07/04/2022 15:16

If you feel she has ADHD, have you arranged with her school's SENCO for her to have additional support in exams - maybe a scribe if she can say answers but not write them, or more time or a quiet room etc. I'd set it up as a 2-way offer. You'll tackle the school with how to support her to do exams and she does any hour every morning of revision.

crazycrofter · 07/04/2022 15:32

Ds has adhd and is year 11. He struggles to look ahead/anticipate so left to his own devices he’d revise the night before. I’m paying him per hour of revision Shock Never thought I’d do bribery but it’s worked as he loves going to the cinema/Maccies etc at the weekend so needs the money. He revised using apps on his phone, has frequent breaks (every 15-20 mins) and uses his phone timer to record total revision time.