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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband keeps turning off my Alexa

122 replies

HalleBre · 06/04/2022 20:01

I have an Alexa in the bedroom. I use it for my alarm and to play music.

My husband keeps turning it off without telling me because he thinks it's "listening to us."

I've agreed to not having one in any other room. But, I enjoy having it in the bedroom and sometimes rely on it to wake me up in the morning.

Every time I speak to it, it's been turned off.

Aibu to be pissed off??

OP posts:
VelvetChairGirl · 06/04/2022 21:19

@HalleBre

I have an Alexa in the bedroom. I use it for my alarm and to play music.

My husband keeps turning it off without telling me because he thinks it's "listening to us."

I've agreed to not having one in any other room. But, I enjoy having it in the bedroom and sometimes rely on it to wake me up in the morning.

Every time I speak to it, it's been turned off.

Aibu to be pissed off??

1 it is listening to you, he is correct, god knows what they are doing with the data but it most certainly is listening, amazon own Ring doorbells too and collect all the video they film as an unofficial CCTV operator again god knows what they are doing with that data but I wouldnt trust them.

2 why have it on all the time its wasting electricity and thats increased by 54%.

IstayedForTheFeminism · 06/04/2022 21:21

Does anyone know how much electricity Alexa/a smart plug/a smart bulb actually use?

Momicrone · 06/04/2022 21:21

I would hate to have an alexa in the bedroom, you can listen to music and have an alarm other ways, you should respect that you are sharing a room

VelvetChairGirl · 06/04/2022 21:24

@HalleBre

Yes, he has a smartphone. He doesn't have any social media though because he thinks he will be tracked.
Andorid and apple do the tracking, he's getting tracked anyway, even if he had an old nokia brick he'd be tracked at least within a set distance of the nearest mast if not exactly pinpointed.
Ricksteinsfishwife · 06/04/2022 21:25

I think some people actually think Alexa is human or a human is behind it, listening to you in your home.

It’s neither and your husband is being silly. I’d struggle to not have the ick if my husband was coming out with that nonsense.

godmum56 · 06/04/2022 21:26

he's batshit. Keep the alexa and turn off the husband

MissConductUS · 06/04/2022 21:27

The privacy settings are configurable.

www.today.com/money/how-change-your-alexa-privacy-settings-so-amazon-can-t-t152018

Your smartphone picks up way more data about you. I used my Echo devices to keep my shopping list and listen to the news, so it's not a great concern for me.

BingBangB0ng · 06/04/2022 21:28

@HalleBre

Yes, he has a smartphone. He doesn't have any social media though because he thinks he will be tracked.
You seem to have a lot of distain for him, but he’s not exactly wrong about this either. Facebook does track your browsing.

He’s not wrong about the government being corrupt, either.

www.forbes.com/sites/kateoflahertyuk/2021/05/08/all-the-ways-facebook-tracks-you-and-how-to-stop-it/

Ncwinc · 06/04/2022 21:29

Even a conspiracy theorist can be right sometimes.

time.com/5568815/amazon-workers-listen-to-alexa/

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 06/04/2022 21:32

@Atomiccat naive my arse. Christ.

PenStation · 06/04/2022 21:37

Someone bought one for me, but I regifted it and replaced it with an bluetooth speaker that isn't smart but has much better sound quality and it has been a good buy. The voice activation of alexa is an irritation and I definitely wouldn't have one in my bedroom. Could you sell it and get a decent non smart speaker you both like?

TibetanTerrah · 06/04/2022 21:37

They are always listening. The other day I was looking through a drawer for something and did a singsong absent minded "where are yoooou". Alexa pipes up on this weird waffle about going to space soon that went on for ages. I didn't even use the wake word Confused

He does sound paranoid though which must be frustrating.

VelvetChairGirl · 06/04/2022 21:40

[quote Ncwinc]Even a conspiracy theorist can be right sometimes.

time.com/5568815/amazon-workers-listen-to-alexa/[/quote]
there was a case of a family getting prosecuted for drugs, because their kids school issued laptop was listening in, I wouldnt trust any of these things theres a lot of money to be made from user data.

HedgehogToes · 06/04/2022 21:41

My DH used to do this to me.

I had to set several different alarms on different devices to make sure I didn't oversleep, which then woke him up, and he stopped switching the Alexa off.

Snazzyjazzpants · 06/04/2022 21:46

Do you actually think Alexa doesn't listen, Facebook doesn't track you and the government isn't corrupt?

mathanxiety · 06/04/2022 22:12

@HalleBre, your H is nuts. Your problem goes wayyy beyond turning off the Alexa.

Gas masks? Next he'll be calling the government the 'gummint' and making tin foil hats.

You're not going to have a rational conversation with him about this and moving the Alexa elsewhere won't solve the problem.

Ragwort · 06/04/2022 22:24

Sleep in a separate room.

WonderfulYou · 06/04/2022 22:27

I think your husbands right to privacy in the bedroom trumps your right to alexa in the bedroom.

I agree.

I know many people who don’t want their devices listening to them and definitely wouldn’t buy an Alexa.

So in this situation I would respect his right to his privacy.

aloris · 06/04/2022 22:35

We have an Alexa and I hate it. They ARE listening to you. Our Alexa sometimes "wakes up" when we talk and starts answering questions (questions that we did not ask it, but that reflect things we are discussing). I have it because my husband likes it, but we only have it in the daytime living area. My bedroom is where I feel like I should be free to talk privately. I would not consent to having one in my bedroom and I don't think you should force him to accept that.

EmmaH2022 · 06/04/2022 22:43

I'm in the hate category

I really think there's a huge difference between a smartphone and Alexa.

He agreed initially but now realises it's a bad idea.

underneaththeash · 06/04/2022 22:43

It's not sentient being so obviously not listening to you...but it is collecting data. So I won't have one in my bedroom either. DH and I have had the same discussion.

Snoozer11 · 06/04/2022 22:46

How would they know you've said the wake word if they weren't listening all the time?

whynotwhatknot · 06/04/2022 23:05

funny how he thinks he cant be tracked through his phone

mathanxiety · 07/04/2022 01:27

I assume he has a credit card?

Quite a few people here haven't understood the question. It wasn't 'Does Alexa listen to you?'

It was whether the OP is BU to be pissed off that her smartwatch-wearing participant in other elements of modern life has unilaterally decided to take control over something that he initially agreed to.

OP, YANBU.

FWIW, your H has lost the plot. Someone who is fixated on one single element of modern life which someone else has chosen while ignoring the multitudinous ways other elements of daily life are noted in algorithms either hasn't thought things through (and is paranoid), or is being controlling.

I would come down on the side of controlling, since prep for worst case scenarios and therefore living in fear of big forces arrayed against the individual seems to be part of his mental world. He is trying to control whatever he can. He is controlling you.

I would try to put a stop to the prepping and all the rest of the paranoid nonsense if you can. This sort of thing takes a hold of people and can destroy not just relationships but lives.

Hawkins001 · 07/04/2022 01:31

@HalleBre

I have an Alexa in the bedroom. I use it for my alarm and to play music.

My husband keeps turning it off without telling me because he thinks it's "listening to us."

I've agreed to not having one in any other room. But, I enjoy having it in the bedroom and sometimes rely on it to wake me up in the morning.

Every time I speak to it, it's been turned off.

Aibu to be pissed off??

In the old days, people needed "bugs" now days it's alexa, ect, and remote connections to enable eavesdropping.