To ask if anyone is friends / related to someone who has committed domestic violence?

[Oogabooga123]

I have always wondered how the friends / family of these people feel about it?

EXDP was massively controlling, and abusive in most ways, mostly emotionally and a few times physically. His mum knows, his siblings know, at least some of his friends know.

They all seem to carry on as usual, it just seems so strange, I feel like if it was my brother I wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

Just musing out loud really, he was spotted out locally having dinner with his family and new girlfriend, poor girl… how can they not tell her?

Is this just his or is there families everywhere that are apparently ok with this.

No, of course not.

I had a neighbour who I later learnt had committed DV. I disliked him from the first moment I met him, he was a deeply unpleasant person. I didn't know about the DV then, but I wasn't surprised when I found out.

Fortunately his partner kicked him out and he's no longer my neighbour. She is a lovely person.

Yes, my uncle. My grandmother punished him.

This is a cathartic thread.

I left an abusive relationship last year. My friends reactions have varied, some have been supportive, some have claimed they’re “impartial”, some have continued to be friends with him despite knowing I left with a non-mol. I find it unbearable that people would continue to be friends with him despite that.
It seems to be out of some aim to be mature about the divorce- “we can still be friends with both of you”. It mostly makes me never want to speak to them again.

His family have never spoken to me since. I assume they think I have ruined his life and that a I’m an insane liar. But I so much hope that there is a small part of them that doubts that, and that knows there is truth in what I’ve claimed. As a young teen he held a small child out of an upstairs window by the ankles, wrestled his father to the floor and pinned him against the wall, had to be physically restrained by both parents because they thought he would kill his brother after an argument.. how can they not see there’s a problem?

My dad was abusive. His mum told off my mum for failing to give him the space that he needed, being a genius. My cousin, who got a different bucket of crap from her grandmother and dad, was always keen to insist that 'our family isn't that bad, quite normal'.

Aged 18 my mother was sexually assaulted by a colleague of her dad's ( both vicars). She tried to confide in her stepmother, who asserted that 1. this hadn't happened and 2. it was my mum's fault.

20 years later she tried to tell a family therapist about my dad's attempt to rape her. Therapist ignored it and somehow concluded she, not he, was the problem.

Ppl are damn good at finding excuses. Oh, and damn the patriarchy. Damn it.

For 18 years I suffered physical, mental, sexual, financial and emotional abuse. I was stabbed, ear sliced off, kicked so hard in the vagina that i required an operation. When I finally left he stalked me for a further 2 year. Yet his family think he's fantastic, his friends & ex mutual friends think he's great. 2 of our 3 kids think he's amazing and some of my own family still speak & associate with him. In his last violent attack at our family home not even the police would enter & waited for armed response to arrive they left me & my 3 kids inside the whole time that bastard had a knife to my throat 49 mins to be precise but not even the police helped. Yes he's well know to our local police & considered extremely dangerous but surely it's their duty to protect. Another time we were sat in a beer garden on a match day ( beer garden full of big burly meat head men ) out of nowhere the bastard jumped up & repeatedly kicked & kneed me in my face & head; not one of the Men ( I use that word loosely) tried to intervene or help me but as soon as it was over & he left the beer garden they then gathered around to ask was I alright and had he really just assaulted me in such a brutal manner in public! I told them they were a bunch of bitches & to f**k off. I couldn't/wouldn't stand by while anyone was being attacked.

no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors

So when my ex's friends saw me stagger from 'behind closed doors' of a hotel room, covered in blood, barefoot, with a split lip and my nose smashed across my face, you think they didn't know what was going on, then? Really? Right.

My ex kicked our front door in and I asked FIL to fix it because he was a very handy.

He duly fixed it and he and MIL never mentioned it again.

They knew he was abusive but they just brushed it under the carpet.

our mutual friend used to call Ex out on his behaviour.. but he wasn't just controlling/abusive with me, he did it to friends/family too.

they have all, one by one, walked away from him.. he spends a lot of his time moaning he is lonely now, and seems to really struggle to understand why no-one wants anything to do with him.

My ex MIL is a strange woman. She knows what he did and acknowledged it but then there’s been various excuses for it.

When I left him she said he was taking drugs because he couldn’t see his kids. He was taking drugs when he lived with them so that doesn’t make any sense. Then he got together with someone else and strangled her but that wasn’t his fault because she was just as bad apparently.

She also sent him to prison twice herself for abuse on her. But then let him move back in with her each time he came out because he’d “changed”. Needless to say he’s still an abusive drug addict who puts the fear of god into her so she gives him money.

But at first I was told I’d ruined his life etc everything was my fault.

I don’t have much to do with her now. She video calls my older dd now and again that’s about it.

I agree with the respect comment someone made though. He never had any respect for her and she never taught him to either. Funnily enough her other 2 kids don’t have any respect for other people either. No discipline and just let them carry on for an easy life what’s happened is one of her sons abuses every woman he comes into contact with