Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I a control freak?

39 replies

CrabSnake · 06/04/2022 08:25

AIBU to think that if you've got guests coming to visit then they should update you about things like when their plane has landed.

If I was visiting someone overseas I'd text them as soon as I got signal saying "just landed", "cleared immigration", "leaving the airport now". I do have control freak tendancies though! They're not staying with me but I think they're planning to come straight here, they didn't actually say come to think of it.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 06/04/2022 08:27

Unless they were picking me up, no I wouldn’t feel the need to inform people that I had landed.

CatherinedeBourgh · 06/04/2022 08:28

I would not expect this of guests. Just a bit of notice of when they are arriving at mine.

GeneLovesJezebel · 06/04/2022 08:28

It would be nice for an ‘on the way now’ text. I don’t think you should expect multiple texts charting their progress.

cumonilean · 06/04/2022 08:28

I'm not sure control freak is how I would describe this but micro managing. Surely if you have an ETA of their arrival that's enough. I'd find it quite stressful to have to keep someone updated at every step of my journey.

MissisBoote · 06/04/2022 08:28

Yabu - I'd just want to know what time they were arriving at mine - I don't need a commentary on the journey.

Star81 · 06/04/2022 08:29

If you know the flight details you could check when it landed yourself ? I wouldn’t expect them to give you a step by step progress report I’m afraid.

Donkeyinamanger · 06/04/2022 08:31

I would only expect an update if something changed, they were delayed or going to be earlier than expected. No one needs to be stopping every 5 minutes to send a text as they are trying to get through an airport.

Original poster
CrabSnake · 06/04/2022 08:32

@Star81

If you know the flight details you could check when it landed yourself ? I wouldn’t expect them to give you a step by step progress report I’m afraid.
Yes I did check. They landed almost an hour ago and I haven't heard anything. I don't want to pester them as I'm very conscious I can be a bit of a control freak. I'm not sure what time they're coming to mine.
OP posts:
TheHoleNineYards · 06/04/2022 08:40

I’d expect to know what time any guests were arriving at my home, but not expect them to update me when they landed etc.

UnsuitableHat · 06/04/2022 08:40

I’d probably text after landing, or when about to get a taxi or whatever, but not at every stage of the process. Were you expecting them a while ago? Could you text them?

LndnGrl · 06/04/2022 08:43

@CrabSnake

AIBU to think that if you've got guests coming to visit then they should update you about things like when their plane has landed.

If I was visiting someone overseas I'd text them as soon as I got signal saying "just landed", "cleared immigration", "leaving the airport now". I do have control freak tendancies though! They're not staying with me but I think they're planning to come straight here, they didn't actually say come to think of it.

I don't think this is unreasonable.

palmplantcirca1980s · 06/04/2022 08:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Shoemadlady · 06/04/2022 08:56

Why not just ask them which flight they're on and then check the airport website to see if they've landed.
Surely if you know someone is landing at 2:00 and if you live 30 mins away you can pretty much guess you'll see them in a couple of hours? How small an arrival window do you want if you know they're coming?

TibetanTerrah · 06/04/2022 08:59

Just landed doesnt mean anything though. Your bag could be first out, last out, or have disappeared completely. I wouldn't bother with an update until I had an actual firmish ETA tbh.

girlmom21 · 06/04/2022 09:00

You don't need to know every step of their journey.

Before they depart they should tell you approx what time they think they'll be with you and then give you a heads up when they're getting their transport at the airport IMO.

I've never spent more than 5 minutes getting through immigration so I'd be spending more time texting you than I would at the airport.

SickAndTiredAgain · 06/04/2022 09:01

I'd text them as soon as I got signal saying "just landed", "cleared immigration", "leaving the airport now".

I wouldn’t expect all of these. But once they’d left the airport, a text to let me know what sort of time they’re arriving is polite I think.

Thegoodandbadlife · 06/04/2022 09:02

I’m with you on this especially if I’ve offered to cook for when they’ve arrived to my place. Don’t need a lot of details - just landed safely and or leaving the airport now. Flights are unpredictable as is how long customs is - it’s a bit different to someone driving to visit when they can make a simple call saying oh bad traffic running 10 mins later etc than the pre arranged meet time. Depends on plans though whether it’s “controlling” or not. If they’re staying with you and it means you staying up late to let them in or are cooking it’s fine. If they’re staying somewhere else and you’ve agreed to meet up whenever they’re free that’s a bit different.

Mosaic123 · 06/04/2022 09:04

If you are cooking for them is really helpful to know their ETA.

Otherwise it's just polite of them to keep you informed and also indicates, in a rather nice way, that they are excited about seeing you.

Original poster
CrabSnake · 06/04/2022 09:10

Yes, sorry, I didn't mean I expected a blow by blow account but just something. There's always a minute when you're waiting in a queue or whatever.

It's a small airport and a domestic flight they're getting off. I did speak to them after their long international flight landed and there was a change of plan but now it's just radio silence even though they landed over an hour ago and as I said tiny airport, no immigration.

I think the stress of covid rules is getting to me.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 06/04/2022 09:13

Just message them and ask for an eta

rookiemere · 06/04/2022 09:15

I wouldn't send many status report messages, but as soon as I had landed I'd text to give you an ETA and then update if that was significantly altered.
Disclaimer: I'm also a bit of a control freak.

Original poster
CrabSnake · 06/04/2022 09:16

@Mosaic123

If you are cooking for them is really helpful to know their ETA.

Otherwise it's just polite of them to keep you informed and also indicates, in a rather nice way, that they are excited about seeing you.

That's it. I feel like they're not excited to see me. They're my parents but didn't want to stay with me even though I asked them too. I just feel pushed out as usual and they're not even here yet!
OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 06/04/2022 09:18

It's fine to message them and ask for an ETA. I wouldn't normally report on my progress, but might send a text once I'm on the bus/in the taxi - but not always. Otherwise I'd only text if there was some massive delay.

Herecomesthesun2022 · 06/04/2022 09:22

I think it’s polite for people to send some kind of journey update after they’ve landed. Whether it’s ‘just landed’ or ‘leaving airport now’. It’s polite and costs nothing. Parents’ generation might not be in the habit though, having flown for decades without a mobile phone

Youdoyoutoday · 06/04/2022 09:22

Would they not go straight to the hotel then come to you? Assuming they are getting a taxi, I wouldn't schlep all the luggage to yours then the hotel.

That said, if its your parents, a text to ask 'all OK?' is not controlling so I would send that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread