Am I a control freak?

[CrabSnake]

AIBU to think that if you've got guests coming to visit then they should update you about things like when their plane has landed.

If I was visiting someone overseas I'd text them as soon as I got signal saying "just landed", "cleared immigration", "leaving the airport now". I do have control freak tendancies though! They're not staying with me but I think they're planning to come straight here, they didn't actually say come to think of it.

I asked if all was ok and turns out they're already at the hotel.

So now reply with

Great, glad you got there safely. what time are you popping over so I know what time to cook for? Looking forward to seeing you x

They're probably jet lagged and befuddled after their long flight, I wouldn't read too much into it.

Am I a control freak?

Little bit, yeah.

Presumably they are older people who have done a long international flight and then a shorter domestic flight to see you, and yet you somehow think it's about them not being excited to see you? They're probably tired OP!

When my brother visits I ask for a text (non driver) when he's 10 mins away so I can listen out for the door and get the kettle on / prep food. Don't see the need for a running commentary.

From your updates OP doesn't sounds like it's an issue about just when they're going to arrive but a much deeper issue of you feeling a bit left out and maybe not feeling a nurtured as you'd like by your parents?
Sorry you're feeling that way. X

@Shoemadlady

From your updates OP doesn't sounds like it's an issue about just when they're going to arrive but a much deeper issue of you feeling a bit left out and maybe not feeling a nurtured as you'd like by your parents? Sorry you're feeling that way. X

You're right I think. They've always favoured my brother and sister (who are also with them) and sort of kept me out of the loop/their affections so it just feels like more of the same. They'll all be coming over just in time for dinner which I'll be making with my newborn and toddler in tow. It's not just them either. I don't feel like I'm a priority for anyone right now. Anyway it's a nice evening here so I'm going to take the babies out for a walk which always clears my head (as long as they don't both start screaming).

But they're not even definitely coming to see you?
Why do you need to know if they've landed if they aren't coming directly to you? They might go to their hotel first in which case why do you need to know what time they are going through customs when it will have no effect on when they arrive at yours if they're thinking they'll drop off their bags, have a nap, shower, see you this evening.

It all seems very weird to me! If my parents were visiting from overseas and I hadn't seen them for a while we'd be messaging each other anyway, not as a control thing but because we would be excited, and would have a plan for when we would see each other (tbh I would have met them at the airport!) not me sitting in my house assuming they might pop in at some point but not knowing! Do you not get on?

@latetothefisting I don't know. I do get the feeling they don't like me. I'm always the one to initiate contact. I was supposed to meet them at the airport (and I was looking forward to it) but then they changed their plans which would have meant me hanging around for I wasn't sure how long with my kids in tow so I didn't want to risk it. They're now having to wait around at their hotel/do some covid admin stuff rather than meet up. They knew this was what would happen and they didn't have to make this change but they did so I just feel a bit put out that from my perspective they chose to put off seeing us even though it's been a long time since we were together and I thought they were looking forward to it.

I'm also exhausted as I have a baby that doesn't sleep so everything seems that bit worse.

@CrabSnake

I'm also exhausted as I have a baby that doesn't sleep so everything seems that bit worse.

Surely that's the reason they don't want to stay with you?

If I was being collected or expected to arrive somewhere at a particular time, then I'd probably let them know bit not otherwise. And certainly not constant updates.

You're definitely a priority for both your children, honestly! You're the most important person in their lives!
Hope you had a nice catch up when they did come round.