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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Etiquette on a budget?

38 replies

1PresentOr2 · 05/04/2022 10:09

Hello Wise Mumsnetters

More of a WWYD and have name changed for this due to previous posts. I have a dilemma and I really don't know what to do...

My DC (let's call them Reggie) has been invited to a classmate's birthday party (let's call them Freddie). I received the party invite from Freddie's mum a few weeks ago. They will be doing a particular group activity & Reggie was keen to go so I RSVPd that Reggie would be there. I don't know Freddie's mum all that well but she seems like a nice lady.

I then found another party invite for a second party for Freddie in Reggie's school bag. It turns out that this party is being held by Freddie's dad (who I don't know at all) at his house on a different day as his parents are separated and I think they don't get on.

This is where the tricky part comes in... with the cost of everything going up I do not have enough money to buy a second present - I barely have enough for essentials. Reggie really wants to go to this party and I know that Freddie will be disappointed if Reggie is not there. DH says Reggie should go to the second party without a gift but to me it seems bad form to turn up to a party with no gift. Should separated parents really expect you will buy two gifts for their child, or should Reggie only go to the one party?

If I had the where-with-all, Reggie would go to both parties with a gift each time, but I don't... what should I do?

OP posts:
SquishySquirmy · 05/04/2022 10:13

Could you send him to the second party with a very token gift? Eg, a bag of chocolate or similar for £1.50? Depends how tight the budget is though, and on the ages!

Totalwasteofpaper · 05/04/2022 10:14

No. 1 birthday= 1 gift.

At 2nd party you say you gave the birthday gift last Wednesday or whatever.

Their parental dysfunction is not your issue.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 05/04/2022 10:17

This is a bit strange and something the parents should have thought about/coordinated. I don't think the child should get 2 proper gifts. 2 small gifts perhaps? A book at one party and some sweets at another? Basically what you would spend on 1 gift normally but split over 2 smaller presents. Or just take a bag of sweets or something to the 2nd?

BarryKentPoet · 05/04/2022 10:19

I would get 2 smaller gifts

BarryKentPoet · 05/04/2022 10:21

Amazon 2 books for £7 and 2 £1 bags of sweets?

JudgeRindersMinder · 05/04/2022 10:23

I’d go with what others have suggested, normal gift for party #1, then bag of Haribo or similar for #2

MissPattyGilmore · 05/04/2022 10:23

Agree with token sweets, or 2 smaller gifts (sorry)

Stompythedinosaur · 05/04/2022 10:23

I don't think you need to give a gift at the second party.

If my dc drop a gift round to their friends on their actual birthday, we don't then take a gift to their party a couple of days later.

Sushi7 · 05/04/2022 10:29

Freddie only needs one gift. Maybe just take sweets for the second party.

Youdoyoutoday · 05/04/2022 10:30

No second gift, its ridiculous to put other parents in this situation.

Jimjamjong · 05/04/2022 10:30

Personally, I would try to find something inexpensive to bring at the second party (if you have already bought the first gift, otherwise split the cost in 2) : a book, marbles, stickers, water pistol... are some ideas.

InDubiousBattle · 05/04/2022 10:32

If you haven't already bought the gift I'd split the budget to two smaller gifts. If you have then I'd take a poundland easter egg to the second one.

SoupDragon · 05/04/2022 10:37

I'd take an Easter egg to the second party just so DS didn't arrive empty handed.

SoupDragon · 05/04/2022 10:38

One of the fake Lindt chocolate rabbits from Aldi (or similar!) maybe?

Janek · 05/04/2022 10:46

@Stompythedinosaur

I don't think you need to give a gift at the second party.

If my dc drop a gift round to their friends on their actual birthday, we don't then take a gift to their party a couple of days later.

This! My dd and my nephew are the same age and friends. My nephew gets a birthday present from us on his birthday because he is my nephew. If dd is invited to his party on another day then she arrives empty-handed.

In your situation I would prime your ds to say "I gave you your present on ..." if he's asked. But he won't be asked.

And actually, my nephew has previously seen dd on her birthday, but saved the present for her party, which I found really weird!!!

purplecorkheart · 05/04/2022 11:03

If you haven't bought anything yet then maybe go for two small presents. Otherwise a small present to one. You could always explain to Freddie's mom particularly as they are doing a group activity you could explain that you are worried that ds would mislay it and that he will bring it to the other party.

Original poster
1PresentOr2 · 05/04/2022 11:05

OK, thanks all - I knew you'd have the answer!

Before I knew about the second party, I had asked Freddie's mum for gift suggestions and had settled on an idea that would use the whole budget up. I haven't bought anything yet though so I am going to have to rethink and find some smaller gift ideas. Apparently he is in to art - what might a 9 year old boy like for an art gift (or is that a whole other thread?). I like the easter egg/bunny idea too.

This time last year I would have just gone and bought two gifts.

Off to work now so thanks again to anyone else who replies but I won't be able to get back to you til much later this evening.

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 05/04/2022 16:27

Rex London have some good origami aeroplane sets and a Build London Bridge set that is reasonably priced.

KatherineofGaunt · 05/04/2022 16:41

I definitely wouldn't buy two gifts. OP, buy the gift you were going to and give it to the birthday boy at one of the parties. The other parent will just have to deal with the fact that their child already got a present. If they can't handle that, then they're weird.

Mysteryclub · 05/04/2022 16:43

Split the card and the birthday present. Make sure the present has a label on it. Give gift at party 1 and the card at party 2

BrownOwlknowsbest · 05/04/2022 16:47

Do you have a freecycle group near you? My local one often has toys in really good condition going for free, or at least the cost of collecting the item.

Ponoka7 · 05/04/2022 16:51

One decent present is better than two smaller things. Go with your original idea.

gogohm · 05/04/2022 16:56

Two smaller gifts or normal present for part one and nominal gift party 2 eg sweets

Oldtiredfedup · 05/04/2022 16:59

1 gift. Freddie’s parent’s issues aren’t your problem

Clymene · 05/04/2022 17:31

Give the present at Freddie's mum's party. Freddie's dad is being a douche