Party Etiquette on a budget?

[1PresentOr2]

Hello Wise Mumsnetters

More of a WWYD and have name changed for this due to previous posts. I have a dilemma and I really don't know what to do...

My DC (let's call them Reggie) has been invited to a classmate's birthday party (let's call them Freddie). I received the party invite from Freddie's mum a few weeks ago. They will be doing a particular group activity & Reggie was keen to go so I RSVPd that Reggie would be there. I don't know Freddie's mum all that well but she seems like a nice lady.

I then found another party invite for a second party for Freddie in Reggie's school bag. It turns out that this party is being held by Freddie's dad (who I don't know at all) at his house on a different day as his parents are separated and I think they don't get on.

This is where the tricky part comes in... with the cost of everything going up I do not have enough money to buy a second present - I barely have enough for essentials. Reggie really wants to go to this party and I know that Freddie will be disappointed if Reggie is not there. DH says Reggie should go to the second party without a gift but to me it seems bad form to turn up to a party with no gift. Should separated parents really expect you will buy two gifts for their child, or should Reggie only go to the one party?

If I had the where-with-all, Reggie would go to both parties with a gift each time, but I don't... what should I do?

either two smaller presents, one present and then some token chocolates wrapped up

One gift, your DS could make a second card to take to the second party if you feel awkward about handing over nothing. Inside the card he could write that he hopes he liked the gift from party 1!

In terms of ideas for arty 9-yr-olds. Places like B&M and The Works do sketch pads and decent art pencils in a tin for £2-3, or he may enjoy a sticker mosaic book of famous works of art (£3 in B&M).

@Totalwasteofpaper

No. 1 birthday= 1 gift.

At 2nd party you say you gave the birthday gift last Wednesday or whatever.

Their parental dysfunction is not your issue.

Do this.

Send him to the second party with a nice card, that's quite enough.

One gift! No one is looking or caring at parties anyway really. And you can just say that you’ve already given the gift!

I'm okay for money atm and I wouldn't dream of giving more than 1 present (or card!) at whichever party is first. The present is for his birthday, he only has one birthday, so one present! If his parents weren't split up and he was having 2 birthdays on separate days (e.g. a sleepover with closest friends and then a big class party at a trampoline centre or whatever) you wouldn't bring a present each time, so why would you in this situation. The present is for the child, it's irrelevant which parent is with him when he receives it.

If either party is on the actual birthday give the present on that day. If it's not on the same day as epithet party then give the present on his birthday anyway.

I certainly don't think anyone would expect you to give one child two birthday presents and one well chosen one will be much more meaningful that 2 little bits to add to the mountain of other little bits he will get.

2 smaller gifts. not just that it's two parties, even if it's just one, just do what your budget allows. There's always decent stuff at pound stores. As a party mom myself (love organising parties), I just happy to see my son's besties can make it, presents or cards or even just empty handed it doesn't really matter.

Only give 1 gift, if the issues arises you can say you’ve already given him his present the week before. No explanation or apology needed.

A reasonable parent will just be glad that their child has guests attending!

We had DS’s party on Saturday - one Mum turned up and was really apologetic as she hadn’t got round to sorting a present - I said it was completely fine; my DS has loads already and we were just glad guests were there. Please don’t worry- everyone knows times are hard at the moment.

I’d probably give him the decent present but give it to him outside of the party circuit, so after school or pop round with it on his actual birthday. That way it takes the favouritism out of it. Or, if he like art - colouring book/art pad for one party and pens/pencils at the other so together they’re a set.

A card for each party (home made card and envelope to cut down on costs - and they are super cute :-) ) and $5 for each party.

1 card, 1 present at first party. Gesture gift at second. Sorted.

Freddies parents power battles aren’t your issue. Buy the gift Freddie would like most and give it at the first party.