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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about getting annoyed with my friend?

58 replies

cowsaysmoo · 04/04/2022 22:10

My friend got married few months ago but the wedding was rushed and she wanted to have her hen after the wedding.
I organised the hen do but on the morning of the event my husband woke up really ill and I couldn't leave him to look after our children (aged 1 and 3) as he was too poorly.
I explained to my friend that I won't be able to attend and initially she said it was ok but then she messaged me that she is really disappointed in me.
I couldn't have asked anyone else to look after the children last minute.
I felt awful for not being able to attend but my friend's behaviour made me really upset and I don't even feel like talking to her. AIBU?

OP posts:
jtaeapa · 06/01/2023 11:39

cowsaysmoo · 06/01/2023 11:13

Hello, if anyone is still here and interested in an update (sometimes I do wonder how the stories I read here end), my friend "broke up" with me, removed me from all her social media, she left all chat groups we were on together and I haven't heard from her since.
On reflection, after initial heart break, I think it's for the better as she did show her true colours to me and I do not need fake friends in my life.

Sounds like she did you a favour! You don’t need “friends” like that.

NRCOA · 06/01/2023 11:43

Wow.

Twitter and bisted, much?!

Glad you don't have to deal with her anymore!

cowsaysmoo · 06/01/2023 12:47

Hi all, didn't expect to anyone be here anymore really.
Thank you for all your comments.
This is how I feel now. Kind of relived that I found out how she really is.

OP posts:
ToWhitToWhoo · 06/01/2023 18:09

Sorry to hear this; but anyone who acts like this was never really a true friend.

FromTheFront2theBack · 06/01/2023 18:27

Well there was really nothing you could do. Even if you'd had loads of notice it's not easy to just magic up childcare for two toddlers. It's disappointing for your friend but not your fault at all.

Breakingpoint1961 · 08/01/2023 06:46

Well it's a nice clean break, I'll give her thatConfused

You'll be fine OP, a real friend would've been disappointed but understanding, you've not lost much.

A new year, a new start, out with the old, in with the newFlowers

Hadtochangeforthisone · 08/01/2023 07:23

I think that this probably cuts both ways. I have noticed an increasing habit of people cancelling plans at the last minute. I am thankful it hasn't happened to me but a I know so many friends who have had it happen on numerous occasions and appears to be a real habit amongst some people.

The 'can't be arsed' attitude to social engagements seems to be quite rife. The initial enthusiasm of a social plan, whilst still theoretical- often seems to turn to dust when the 'effort' of actually attending , (Getting dressed up, travelling etc) is upon them - and a same day cancellation accompanied by some unarguable excuse is produced.

The excuse 'du jour' is almost always 'COVID' . (after all, who can argue. ? Request a copy of the test ? State that you don't care if your social companion brings an often deadly virus to your gathering ? ) ...

I am not for one moment suggesting that your husbands COVID was fake and that you really couldn't be bothered to attend OP. I am suggesting that as this type of behaviour is so prevalent at the moment, that your cancellation last minute may have been the 'straw that broke the camels back' , if your former friend had suffered a number of these last minute cancellations prior to your genuine problem in attending - and like my friends, have decided to cut out of their friendship groups, those who would rather let them down rather than make an effort.

There are always two sides to a story though... and I am also imagining that anyone who has been through the expense, time and planning of a wedding - no matter how rushed - who still requires a 'hen' is probably fairly high maintenance and demanding.

cowsaysmoo · 08/01/2023 12:52

I think a "best friend", whose i was by her side for number of years, her meeting her ex partner, their turbulent relationship, her being a single mum and then finally meeting her current husband, always supporting her with no questioned asked.
I get it that people use COVID as an excuse but best friend should know if that's an excuse or not.
If I couldn't be bothered to attend, I wouldn't organise the hen in a first place.
And tbh I find it a bit offending that someone questions my intentions after asking a genuine question here.

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