Am I unsympathetic?

[Merrydance]

DH had sore throat yesterday ,did an LFT which was negative. About 5.30am I woke to him moaning, saying oh no and oh dear repeatedly. Eventually I ask what is wrong, and rather sarcastically, did he need an ambulance. He replied he was not sure, but he had a temperature and sore throat. He then decides to go downstairs for a lemsip, but I suggest paracetamol may be stronger. He gets downstairs, a couple of coughs and some more oh dears and I find him lying on the floor, saying he can't get up. I ask does he need an ambulance, as I cant get him up ( I would not have called one but try to point out the drama). He says he is not sure but he is unable to get paracetamol, so could I, which I do then go back to bed. 5 minutes later, he is up, doing washing up, making a cup of tea and saying he probably won't work today as he is not feeling too good. He then goes out in the rain in his pyjamas to put the bins out, which will not be collected for 24 hours. He is now reading in bed. He is never ill except coughs and colds. He has never been seriously ill. I worry how he will cope when seriously ill, plus how I will manage. I worry if he is really unwell, I will ignore it because I think he is overdramatic. How will he manage with old age? I feel really cold hearted, but if he was less dramatic, I could be more sympathetic. Sorry for the rant, just wanted to off load!

Yes, I think you sound unsympathetic.

In this house we are quite sympathetic in both directions, being ill is shit, we care for each other when it happens. Luckily we haven't been properly ill at the same time so far!

Um yes you are incredibly unsympathetic and it's actually quite worrying. Your husband is really ill and you are using sarcasm with him and asking if he needs an ambulance sarcastically? Get a grip

I honestly hope your husband did get an ambulance and is alright!!!!!!!!

Apologies OP, I read this post completely wrong. YANBU. That will teach me not to read and run.

Your husband needs to get the grip massively. Tell him to get off the blimmin floor he's not dying.

@Sapphireskies

Um yes you are incredibly unsympathetic and it's actually quite worrying. Your husband is really ill and you are using sarcasm with him and asking if he needs an ambulance sarcastically? Get a grip

I really hope that you're using sarcasm too.

This is my DS. He's 10. I assume it's based on immaturity and natural anxiety as a result of largely been a very healthy child most of his life. Combined with some sensory issues.

I see it as my job to strike the right balance between sympathy and understanding and "tough love" designed to teach him how to be more realistic in assessing his own health.

I could not live with your DH. Similarly, I have zero sympathy for people who complain and sulk and mope around but don't actually DO anything. DH has a bit of this and is teaching DS.... so DS was whining and complaining the other day and didn't want to take paracetamol because "I don't want all the drugs". My reaction was not entirely pretty.

One minute on the floor needing an ambulance, the next up and about like nothing had happened?

Is this a stealth boast that your DH is actually a Premiership footballer?

I’m going to go against the grain a bit here, I think you are being unsympathetic. It sounds to me like your husband has a lot of anxiety around his health and might have had a panicked attack. I have had a panicked attack and it’s not funny at all, I thought I was dying at the time, even though there was actually nothing really wrong with me.

I would encourage your husband to go to the doctor to talk about his anxiety issues and also try and avoid making sarcastic remarks while he is in this state. I know it’s annoying to be woken up like that but being snarky with him won’t help.

This is my dh too. I am equally unsympathetic. I think some of dh's anxiety is because he doesn't know anything about physiology, health, musculoskeletal systems, etc. So if he has some kind of ache or pain (fortunately very rarely) he just thinks "there's something wrong" and says it in a pathetic reedy voice

He also watches too much hospital drama on TV so knows a few relatively rare examples. He recently self-diagnosed IBS / gut cramp as a perforated bowel. Before I met him, he'd been playing badminton and most probably strained a muscle. His description to the GP of 'excrutiating pain in my chest' landed him in hospital!

dh also re-writes history after the event. So when he had a d&v bug and felt a bit faint, he lay on the bathroom floor. Didn't actually faint, just felt a bit dizzy and laying down soon sorted it out. He now recounts it as "the night he collapsed on the bathroom floor"

Fortunately, he is very, very, healthy and has only had 3 minor illnesses in the 30 years we've been together.

OP, like you, I fear how he will cope in old age!

Sounds like a severe dose of man flu to me. Melodrama is a classic symptom.

I think me using the term sarcastically was not the correct word. I asked him did he need an ambulance politely, with no sarcasm in my voice, but trying to reflect the level of behaviour he was demonstrating, hoping he would reflect and say no, I am not that ill, just feeling stressed and that is why I am reacting the way I am. That would have been a more adult response. I understand he is anxious, I have been telling him for years to seek treatment, until recently, he has just said he isn't, it is just the way he is. A few months ago I had to tell him he was clearly anxious and needed treatment. I encouraged him to get counselling and see GP, which this time he did at long last. I am rather tired of being supportive and feeling I am the one who has to be caring, calm and collected. To be honest I posted this as I needed somewhere to vent and the reality is I have been left feeling depressed about this mornings events, plus always being the one who has to cope. Captnip, I fully appreciate that anxiety is challenging, but it still has an impact on family members, who may need support too

At least he’s useful while at deaths door. Not many would wash up and put bins out!