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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im getting so angry at nothing

39 replies

Defeatedbylife · 04/04/2022 00:02

I can be absolutely happy, not stressed then a day like today my teenager drops food on my washed floor and and i shout my head off,its so over the top,so disproportionate and mean as i know it not a big deal and shes just a kid.im doing this sort of thing alot.ive had so much stress for past 10 years and now things although not brilliant, they are better, its the most content ive been in a while.
i ruin everything when i react like this and fear my kids will end up being scared or resenting me.
I get annoyed at everything it seems.loud noises, loud music, kids laughing too loud,kids not listening when i speak, no one wanting to help me around the home.they are little and i shout all the time i feel,poor kids.
What's wrong with me?
I've been managing without antidepressants for a year now as i don't feel depressed.
am i just stress damaged and keeping a lid on a life ready to burst at any point?
Anyone like this?,i dont like me very much right now.

OP posts:
VyeBrator · 04/04/2022 00:05

Have you seen a doctor? Lots of things can make you disproportionately angry such as a hormone imbalance, thyroid problems etc.

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/04/2022 00:08

So no one listens to you and no one helps around the home?

Do you have a partner? If so how much responsibility do they take on - a fair amount?

Sounds like you have got stuff to get ground down by and wound up by.

But also - peri menopause? Rage and irritation very common.

Original poster
Defeatedbylife · 04/04/2022 00:09

Hi ,ive seen a dr for depression on and off for three years.afraid to say im angry to a dr to be honest!

OP posts:
Original poster
Defeatedbylife · 04/04/2022 00:12

Partner and i are both constantly exhausted, we have a disabled child in the mix and lots of broken crappy sleeping which doesn't help.he works and i take the brunt of household duties. Hes a great guy but could do more but im aware hes also feeling stressed all the time.

OP posts:
RestingMurderousFace · 04/04/2022 00:16

Peri menopause. Started HRT 3 weeks ago and the red mist has lifted, I’m on a much more even keel.

Are you mid/late 40s?

SierpinskiSquare · 04/04/2022 00:22

It sounds like you have a lot of stress and tiredness in your life and I think that would ,are a lot of people feel angry or sad in your situation. 💐💐
You have to stop shouting at your kids though. It's abusive to shout like that. You might really damage them and you might ruin any chance of having a relationship with them. It's so destructive and the damage might be permanent. Get help if you can. Good luck.

Apileofballyhoo · 04/04/2022 01:36

Peri menopause.

HellToTheNope · 04/04/2022 02:24

Welcome to Peri-menopause

HellToTheNope · 04/04/2022 02:25

@RestingMurderousFace

Peri menopause. Started HRT 3 weeks ago and the red mist has lifted, I’m on a much more even keel.

Are you mid/late 40s?

You don't have to be in your mid to late 40's. Mine started at 39 and I was on HRT before I turned 41.
RestingMurderousFace · 04/04/2022 07:20

You don't have to be in your mid to late 40's. Mine started at 39 and I was on HRT before I turned 41.

I’m aware of this, thanks.

scaryShouter · 04/04/2022 08:22

Those sayings peri menopause - did the gp test for this? Can they?

OP your post is scarily familiar to me - also shout at kids and see red mist anger which I can’t seem to control even when I know I’m going too far.

Original poster
Defeatedbylife · 04/04/2022 09:36

Not quite 40 yet.i feel years of stress and depression has damaged my brain, its like now thubgs are calmer,even the slightest of upset and i go into fight/anger mode.i dont seem to be able to control it

OP posts:
SpellitwithaY · 04/04/2022 09:42

Crikey OP. Are you me? I feel like I'm always angry and snappy. I'm definitely not my best me. I'm under a lot of stress at the moment and I feel at breaking point. Perhaps I do need to make a gp appointment....

MissPattyGilmore · 04/04/2022 09:48

Does sound like combination of stress and hormones.
Why are you ‘afraid’ of telling GP though?

Sounds obvious but have you tried techniques like counting to 5 (or 10!) in your head before speaking/shouting when you feel yourself getting annoyed?
And some CBT to teach ways to remain calm before snapping might help

Also, do apologise to family when you have shouted… it’s good for them to know that you realise you overreacted and feel bad about it, and may help to limit damage to your relationships

Original poster
Defeatedbylife · 04/04/2022 09:55

Afraid gp will judge me being for being a horrid shouty mum who can't cope ,i am these things at times but not always!maybe i need some other medication, or back ADs.i feel for all of you trying to cope like me.

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 04/04/2022 10:01

You’ve just described me. I believe stress is cumulative, so it builds up and can affect our cortisol levels, so basically you get stuck in “high alert” mode. That’s where I am now after a very stressful few months, how to calm back down and sort myself out though - I’ve no idea!

SierpinskiSquare · 04/04/2022 10:21

@Defeatedbylife

Afraid gp will judge me being for being a horrid shouty mum who can't cope ,i am these things at times but not always!maybe i need some other medication, or back ADs.i feel for all of you trying to cope like me.
It's better that it's your GP who is judging rather than your children. Your number on priority should be to stop abusing them. It doesn't matter if you are a fantastic loving Mum most of the time you can't go on shouting at them for no good reason. Your GP will have seen it a million times before. A lot of medication takes a while to get right or to kick in so the sooner you start the process the better. You need help. There is NOTHING wrong with admitting that. Lots of people need help anf. It takes courage to admit that. Ignoring it because you are more worried about being judged than you are about abusing your kids is really really wrong.
WomanWomenGirlsFemale · 04/04/2022 10:23

Peri menopause and the added stress of the last few years add into that a disabled child and it's no wonder you feel unable to cope. Have a word with your GP and tell then exactly how you feel especially the anger, i doubt they'll judge you for it but they will be able to adjust your anti depressants ( if you take them again) I started the PM at 39yrs and decided not to medicate as I'd been on anti depressants for 3 years and felt too "foggy" on them so i stopped taking them as well. I found a complete change in my diet helped, stopped processed food, less sugar and no white bread etc. I'm 62 now and it wasnt all plain sailing but you need to sit your husband and children down and tell them how you feel and that everyone has to change too. Good luck.

Fuckitsstillraining · 04/04/2022 10:36

Please please go to your gp. Tell them how you're feeling. You are older than I was when peri menopause hit, I wasn't long married, happiest I'd been for a long time and then just felt wrong. Angry for no reason,tired (have a chronic illness but this tiredness was different) and kind of lost if that makes any sense, I went to gp and she increased my pain meds!!! After joining a Facebook group for menopause information, it's based in Ireland and one of the best I've found, I went back to gp, got started on HRT and life improved quickly, even my pains have decreased and slowly my libido is returning so now both husband I are happier and closer, its so nice to catch his eye at breakfast and we both smile at the same time remembering the night before, I don't get angry now, I can now actually recognise instances that would have made me lose my cool and just think 'wow, I was hard to live with back then', yesterday husband cleaned his truck at the front of the house, power washer going, sprays for this that and the other, he got carbon on the driveway bricks and a year ago I'd have lost the plot over that and him doing the job there instead of in the work yard, yesterday I just thought 'what an idiot, he's made so much more work for himself cause now he's to clean the drive', was so glad I felt that way cause last night he told me he'd cleaned it at the house so he could pop in and out to me instead of spending our day off away from each other. Get to the gp, find a list of peri/menopause symptoms and see how many ring true. Join a informative fb group and good luck, you deserve to feel better.

Runningmummy41 · 04/04/2022 10:37

@SierpinskiSquare what’s your set up like at home? Got a disabled child, been getting by on broken sleep for years have you? The OP is asking for help/suggestions not to be judged.

At OP I’ve a similar situation with a child with SEN and very challenging behaviour. Work full time and no support (no contact with his dad due to DV) have an older teen who does very little around the house. I thought I was peri but bloods showed otherwise. I try on my days off when youngest is at school (I work 3-4 12.5 hr shifts a week therefore get a day off when he’s in school) to do as little as possible or something for me (go for a run/walk). Im constantly stressed and miserable and feel what is the point. Nothing to look forward to (going on holiday is not financially viable, not fun due to his behaviour and even more lonely seeing happy families having a nice time). I dread the school holidays, partly due to increased childcare costs and also trying to stimulate him enough so he’s not bouncy off the walls. We’re going bowling later today and I can already feel the anxiety over how he will behave. Apologies for over sharing a little. But you are not alone. Unless you have a disabled child it’s impossible to actually understand the complexities that this entails. Even doing things that others take for granted; going to the supermarket for example isn’t as straightforward. I would suggest talking to your GP, also I’ve started therapy which im finding helps a little. Good luck

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 04/04/2022 10:41

I'm like this, mid to lste 30s so could be perimenopause but I have been diagnosed in the last couple of years with ADHD after my son was diagnosed and I read up more on the characteristics in adult women. I've come to realise as part of it I have auditory sensitivity so knowing that I try my best to remain calm when things happen, and if I know its going to be loud (cousins over etc) then I put those flare earbud things in. I can't wear them all the time as I am so conscious of them there but they do help to mitigate the louder constant noises.
Feeling stressed, anxious, sort of depressed but not really (as in, not feeling the long term hopelessness that people often ascribe to depression) are all also common characteristics.

jennytest · 04/04/2022 11:36

Ugh me too

jennytest · 04/04/2022 11:37

Idk why it happens

Toloveandtowork · 04/04/2022 12:05

It doesn't always have to be perimenapuse for god's sake. So many people comment this, but surely people can just be very stressed and fed up with the relentless slog and requirement to have constant patience while facilitating the lives of others to your own detriment.

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 04/04/2022 14:10

Sounds like anxiety to me.

Youve described my last decade except I didn't have kids...It would pop out of me at odd moments, often in cities in crowds which could be mortifying.

When I was diagnosed with anxiety I spent an hour googling it and was amazed to see it how it effected so many areas of my life, irritatability being a symptom.

I've also discovered I'm neurodivergent, having long had misophonia, and my noise sensitivity makes a lot more sense now. It often goes hand in hand for me with stress and irritability. Once I discovered all this, when I started feeling angry I'd question whether I was actually feeling anxious and turned out - I was.

Sounds really simple but being aware of it has helped me so much because I can address the underlying anxiety instead. Either I can manage it better when I feel unreasonably cross or I can prevent it happening in the first place as I build in time and space to reduce my stress first.

Often this is just retreating for an hour on my own somewhere but works a treat.