Im getting so angry at nothing

[Defeatedbylife]

I can be absolutely happy, not stressed then a day like today my teenager drops food on my washed floor and and i shout my head off,its so over the top,so disproportionate and mean as i know it not a big deal and shes just a kid.im doing this sort of thing alot.ive had so much stress for past 10 years and now things although not brilliant, they are better, its the most content ive been in a while.
i ruin everything when i react like this and fear my kids will end up being scared or resenting me.
I get annoyed at everything it seems.loud noises, loud music, kids laughing too loud,kids not listening when i speak, no one wanting to help me around the home.they are little and i shout all the time i feel,poor kids.
What's wrong with me?
I've been managing without antidepressants for a year now as i don't feel depressed.
am i just stress damaged and keeping a lid on a life ready to burst at any point?
Anyone like this?,i dont like me very much right now.

Thanks all,its not easy being a woman by any means is it? @Runningmummy41 you definitely sound like me,i feel for you,im glad you shared your story,makes me feel less alone.
@SierpinskiSquare please stop judging me and throwing around child abuse comments, its definitely not helpful,i recognise my behaviour and am looking to rectify it.your perfect life must be wonderful

My PMT went wild as I headed towards peri menopause.

@Runningmummy41 couldn't agree more. Good old Mumsnetters - always ready to jump in with their judgy pants on. OP, you are not "abusing" your kids. You're struggling to cope and no wonder. Talk to your kids when you have a calm moment and be honest. No one, unless they're living it, will ever understand how difficult raising a SEN child is. Cut yourself some slack. Your doctor won't judge you but he/she might help you get some practical support/respite care? Good luck

People will jump to peri menopause but you have had so much stress that I am going with that.

What are you doing each day for you? This is so hard to fit in when life is busy and with a child with disabilities too, but you must be exhausted and your resources depleted.

I think a focus on yourself will help. It certainly can't hurt.

What is your average day like - can you get 30 mins anywhere at the start for yourself? For some yoga, or meditation, or a walk? After stress it is so hard to be happier. It takes practice. It can be so hard to believe the bad times are over.

This is how ssri withdrawal affected me. The instant shouting rage when I dropped something. It can apparently last for years after stopping. I couldn't cope and went back on them. Could it be that?
www.karger.com/Article/Fulltext/506868

l agree with poster who said learn to become aware that you are getting triggered. Hit that pause button, meditation works wonders, peace within peace without. l am raising two very strong willed, assertive teenage sons alone, l have had to learn to manage my own anger, or else l' ll end up with two very angry young men. When l feel anger rising l ask myself is this worth getting upset over ? It very rarely is. Once you become more mindful of your thoughts its easier to let it all come and let it all go, be aware of it, but don' t react. You get a much better outcome when you deal with things calmly and your mental health improves.
l listen to Mooji on youtube, his voice alone is very soothing, but there are lots of others you can listen to, its very beneficial.

Too much work
No support
Constant low level stress
I am not surprised at all

You’ve mentioned noise triggering a reaction- have you been assessed for any underlying problems (asd/autism?)

I can see why you are getting upset. Breathing exercises can certainly help with this (I can actually stop 7yo tantrumming by getting them to breathe and relax).

You have a conditioned anger reaction to stress (were your parents like this?). But actually, you don’t need to get angry. Teenager drops food on floor, get a broom sweep then mop, make a funny comment about cack handedness or clumsiness and laugh it off. Whining toddler wants constant attention, get down to their level and play games. Etc.
Being around people who reacted to kids being annoying with joy, love and calmness really opened my eyes and ended the stress reaction. You love them, they love you. Next time they annoy you, deliberately stay calm, big breath and smile, make a joke and carry on.

At first you feel like you are acting, but as they see you happier and less stressed they relax and get less stressed and become less annoying. It’s a positive spiral.

I would also see if you can get a few hours off, do something you enjoy at least once a week, take them out for walks/trips as much as possible. Sometimes, being stuck inside the house is really oppressive.

Another one saying per-menopause. I have become horribly noise sensitive in mine and anything too loud gives me the rage!! It certainly sounds as though you have a lot on your plate too. Don't be ashamed to seek help. I'm on HRT and a low level AD and feel soooo much better.

Your kids will definitely remember and be effected by having a shouty mother so I'd rather a GP judge me than them having therapy and us having a distant relationship once they leave home and can see how angry I was all the time.

I say that because you do need to take some action here. Whether it's to reduce the stress, manage anxiety and triggers or get on HRT or anti depressants again if either are appropriate. Please don't let posting on Mumsnet be all you do.

I discovered this was ADHD with me.
Have been on medication a year and the rage is gone.
It explained the decades of misdiagnosed depressions, understandable anxiety and relationship difficulties, as well as much more obvious traits and outcomes.

Sorry that my comments have upset you OP but it’s as though you’ve seen the term ‘abuse’ then ignored the rest of what I’d written. I thought It was clear that I was very sympathetic to why you are struggling, I think anyone would in your situation.
I thought they the way you described shouting at your kids sounded like you were abusing them. That’s why I used the term. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wasn’t ‘judging’ you. Like I said in my earlier post I think people are courageous if they ask for help when they are feeling so overwhelmed. 😕

Good luck, I hope things improve.

Are you on hormonal contraception?

Look into taking L Tyrosine

Hello, 3rd generation shouty mum here. One idea about anger is that it is a healthy signal to you that your boundaries/ values are being crossed. Set an example to your kids by apologising when you behave badly/ completely lose it and by taking 5 when you need it. Clarify expectations. Teenager drops dinner? Teenager sweeps it up and makes a sandwich. Try to make calm but firm requests/ age appropriate demands on your kids, and thank them for doing things. -no child wants to do a task if they feel they can't do it right and will be shouted at for doing it wrong.
Start your day by counting your blessings and reminding yourself that you are in charge around here.

And look after yourself! Anger is what happens when you are meeting everyone else's needs but your own and resenting it.