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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it ok to buy my boss a birthday present?

27 replies

Merryoldgoat · 03/04/2022 20:32

My boss and I get on very well - he’s a man. Absolutely zero flirting or anything inappropriate - both very happily married etc.

But he has been very supportive through a difficult few years and I thought I’d get him a little gift as he turns 60 this year.

He normally gives me wine or champagne on my birthday.

Is this inappropriate? I know gifts normally only go ‘downward’ at work but I wasn’t sure what the consensus would be.

YABU - no gift you twit
YANBU - small gift fine

OP posts:
ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 03/04/2022 20:33

I'd say go for it. Presents are nice.

CristinaYangismySpiritAnimal · 03/04/2022 20:34

I buy for my boss.

Rtmhwales · 03/04/2022 20:34

I had no idea they only go downward. I get my boss gifts because I like (actually adore) her as a person first, as a boss second.

Ponoka7 · 03/04/2022 20:35

If you give a gift this year won't it be awkward in future years when you don't? Not to be offensive but is there anything 'little' that he'd actually want? Or do you mean a bottle of something?

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 03/04/2022 20:39

@Ponoka7

He’s a ‘sock’ guy so I was just going to get him some novelty socks and a bottle of wine I know he likes.

He wears ‘wacky’ socks every day so they’d get used.

I think as he’s 60 it wouldn’t be off to buy this year and not next.

I just wonder if it feels a bit try hard…

OP posts:
HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 03/04/2022 20:40

60th is significant, so nice to mark the occasion

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 03/04/2022 20:41

Ok - looks like it’s ok. As I said only planning something small that he’ll like, not a F&M Hamper or anything!

OP posts:
Mummy1608 · 03/04/2022 20:42

I'd do a whip round and get a present and card from the whole team. But I wouldn't give one just from myself

UnsuitableHat · 03/04/2022 20:43

Yeah, really nice thing to do.

Dinoteeth · 03/04/2022 20:45

For a decade birthday yanbu but I wouldn't for any other birthday if that makes sense.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 03/04/2022 20:46

@Mummy1608

I'd do a whip round and get a present and card from the whole team. But I wouldn't give one just from myself
We don’t do this where I work - we’re not allowed to. We have a fund for leaving gifts, the employer gives gifts on babies/marriages etc but specifically no whip-rounds allowed.
OP posts:
Mummy1608 · 03/04/2022 21:02

Ah if you're not allowed to do whip rounds then I wouldn't give a gift myself. You could still organise a joint card and write a heartfelt note in the card "thanks for all your support" etc

Mummy1608 · 03/04/2022 21:04

At the end of the day, he can afford his own socks, it's the thought that matters, and that can be conveyed better in a thoughtful message in a card imo

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 03/04/2022 21:30

@Mummy1608

That’s interesting. I felt a card with a note might feel a bit too intimate…

I really like getting opinions like this - shows how differently we see the same thing

OP posts:
BackInMarch2020PreCovid · 03/04/2022 21:33

[quote Merryoldgoat]@Ponoka7

He’s a ‘sock’ guy so I was just going to get him some novelty socks and a bottle of wine I know he likes.

He wears ‘wacky’ socks every day so they’d get used.

I think as he’s 60 it wouldn’t be off to buy this year and not next.

I just wonder if it feels a bit try hard…[/quote]
Get him some Happy Socks. They’re a bit expensive for what they are but the novelty / brand is nice.

I had a boss similar age and we worked so well together. Always got him a small gift on his birthday; partly because he kept it quiet from everyone else so only I knew it was his birthday.

Only you know the relationship with him so you’ll know if it’s weird or not.

Viviennemary · 03/04/2022 21:37

No. I don't think that is a good idea at all. Its on a list of things I just wouldn't do. Big no no. Not sure why though.

Dinoteeth · 03/04/2022 22:58

I can understand a ban on whiprounds - I hate them - I always feel pressured and in a big workplace you don't necessarily know the person involved.

An individual gift on a big birthday is different

Mummy1608 · 03/04/2022 23:01

[quote Merryoldgoat]@Mummy1608

That’s interesting. I felt a card with a note might feel a bit too intimate…

I really like getting opinions like this - shows how differently we see the same thing[/quote]
I agree a bit intimate which is why I suggest a big joint card. So I'm imagining... The card has printed "happy 60th" and most colleagues will just write "all the best, john" but you'll write a few extra lines.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 03/04/2022 23:14

@Mummy1608

Ah, I missed that.

Yes. He complicates things by not wanting everyone to know when his birthday is.

I’ll take on board all the points and have a think.

OP posts:
Dinoteeth · 04/04/2022 07:29

Keep it simple, a small gift from you. He buys for you, returning on a special birthday is a nice thing to do. Reality is his wife probably knows he buys for your birthday, and picks the bottle up while doing with the weekly shop.

I'd avoid the group card because you can guarantee someone will want to add in balloons and banners which also means everyone will know when his birthday is.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 04/04/2022 07:41

I don't think an employer is supposed to accept gifts from people who work from them. I would not, but I would sign a group card.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 04/04/2022 07:47

I voted yabu, but have to say, you're not a twit op, you are just warm hearted.

mnnewbie111 · 04/04/2022 08:06

@Viviennemary

No. I don't think that is a good idea at all. Its on a list of things I just wouldn't do. Big no no. Not sure why though.
I'm not sure why either, that's a pretty hard stance 😂😂😂
Rosieej · 04/04/2022 08:16

Absolutely go for it, why not. I bought my old boss a small gift for his birthday once too when we had a little party for him in the cafe. A selfie stick, funny card and box of ferrero

curlii103 · 04/04/2022 08:24

Only you can know your dynamic and a "boss" will be different to people and work places