AIBU to find this...I'm not sure what the word is...sad?

[Snarkles]

I sorted out probate for a sibling who died intestate as I was the only family member who had dealings with them in over 30 years. They were ill and the rest of the family had nothing to do with them.

I sorted everything to do with the funeral and registering the death.
The probate was more stressful than it should have been due to various issues, but I got it sorted. A number of my siblings benefited a reasonable sum from this probate and knew I was dealing with it by myself.
The funds have now cleared. I didn't expect any gushing thanks, but a text just to say thanks would have been appreciated. Instead, I've heard nothing from anyone. It's as if I don't exist. AIBU to feel sad about this?

YANBU. Thar is sad. And disappointing. They clearly lack respect.

Sorry snarkles, that's rubbish. YANBU. I am going to thank you on behalf of the universe for doing this. You are a good person and they don't deserve you.

Thanks both. I don't often post on here, but wondered if I was being unreasonable. I'm nottoo surprised, given the lack of care about my other sibling, but I am sad about it. I would send a thank you if the roles were reversed.
Sometimes people are awful. :(

They are very rude.

I'll say thanks for what you did on their behalf.

It depends on why they were estranged. How is your relationship with the others?

@Ponoka7 Estranged due to behaviour because of illness.
I thought I got on OK with them. Maybe not, it seems.

@Snarkles, I am fully expecting this kind of behaviour from one of my siblings when the inevitable happens for my remaining parent.
It's rubbish, but at least you know you can hold your head up in the knowledge that you've done everything a loving relative would.

@PatterPaws

They are very rude.

I'll say thanks for what you did on their behalf.

Thank you. :)

[quote vipersnest1]@Snarkles, I am fully expecting this kind of behaviour from one of my siblings when the inevitable happens for my remaining parent.
It's rubbish, but at least you know you can hold your head up in the knowledge that you've done everything a loving relative would.[/quote]
Ugh, Sorry to hear that. Forewarned is forearmed though. Make sure your parent makes a will if they haven't already. :)

Bloody rude and ungrateful but happy to profit from it. Disgraceful.

You've done well op sorting it out on your own , these things are a nightmare .

That makes you a better person than all of them. Good on you op x

You’ve done the right thing.

Probate is stressful and hard work, so you absolutely deserve thanks for taking it on and sorting it all out. I’m sorry you haven’t had that from your siblings. It’s extremely rude.

You say that several siblings had benefited but none have contacted you. This does seem a bit odd - I wondered if there might have been a strange miscommunication somewhere (maybe that they all thought one of the others was in contact with you) but it’s still rude not to thank you individually for all you’ve done.

@Vapeyvapevape

Bloody rude and ungrateful but happy to profit from it. Disgraceful.

You've done well op sorting it out on your own , these things are a nightmare .

Hi Thanks. I didn;t do all the probate and gota company to sort it out, but had several problems with them losing information, not getting the basics right etc. It was stressful. I complained and they gave me a partial refund, Just glad it's all settled now. :)

@Ohyesiam

That makes you a better person than all of them. Good on you op x

Thanks :)

@Darker

You’ve done the right thing.

Probate is stressful and hard work, so you absolutely deserve thanks for taking it on and sorting it all out. I’m sorry you haven’t had that from your siblings. It’s extremely rude.

You say that several siblings had benefited but none have contacted you. This does seem a bit odd - I wondered if there might have been a strange miscommunication somewhere (maybe that they all thought one of the others was in contact with you) but it’s still rude not to thank you individually for all you’ve done.

Hi. Thanks for your message. Sadly it seems to be how this family works. I know now to have as little to do with them as possible. I'm pretty sure that they have been talking about things among themselves but not said anything to me.

@Vapeyvapevape

Bloody rude and ungrateful but happy to profit from it. Disgraceful.

You've done well op sorting it out on your own , these things are a nightmare .

Thanks, Hopefully I'll never to do this again. They can sort out their own affairs.

Unless your family are generally twattish, I think the trouble is if you haven’t done this, you don’t know what a nightmare it is.

So I would tell them in a jolly yet meaningful and quite detailed text and tell them you are open to thank you dinners / houseplant vouchers / dollars

I hope you bagged the good stuff

If you got a company to do most of it, do you siblings even realise the work you put in? If you haven't spoken to them about it then they probably aren't aware of how difficult it is

I guess if you hired a professional whose costs came out of the estate then siblings might understandably (though wrongly) think that you don't need special thanks.

If you've never been an executor yourself, or thought seriously about what's involved, then you might think that it's a case of finding the nearest solicitor, saying "deal with probate on this estate please" and then writing a cheque.

Me and my brother were Mums executors. He left the task to me (as well as 95% of support for dad). When it was done his only communication was to ask for an itemised list of deductions. They amounted to about 20% of her estate including funeral costs.
We are not close but do have a relationship.
He had been an executor before, for a friend, so knew the the size of the task.
I was so sad.

My brother is executor for a three way split of half a million,it has only just started, he has kept us in the loop at all times. When it is over, I fully intend taking him and his gorgeous wife out for dinner and maybe an overnight in a swanky hotel, if not the hotel a limousine style car home to his house.

Jeez. I'm sorry to hear of other's issues too. Times like these can really bring out the worst in people, can't they?

I also had to sort out my mum's affairs, although I made sure she had funeral arrangements in place. She had no possessions to speak of though as she was in a residential home I found for her.

My funeral is paid for, although now, I kind-of wish it wasn't, what with intestacy rules being as they are. :D

This sort of thing would break my heart.

Sorry OP.

@Luredbyapomegranate

Unless your family are generally twattish, I think the trouble is if you haven’t done this, you don’t know what a nightmare it is.

So I would tell them in a jolly yet meaningful and quite detailed text and tell them you are open to thank you dinners / houseplant vouchers / dollars

I hope you bagged the good stuff

:D Well, they have never had to do a family one as I have done them so you could be right. This will be my last though. No 'good stuff' as he had very few personal possessions in his situation.
Ha ha, I think if I followed your advice re: text, I definitely would be ignored.