AIBU to find this...I'm not sure what the word is...sad?

[Snarkles]

I sorted out probate for a sibling who died intestate as I was the only family member who had dealings with them in over 30 years. They were ill and the rest of the family had nothing to do with them.

I sorted everything to do with the funeral and registering the death.
The probate was more stressful than it should have been due to various issues, but I got it sorted. A number of my siblings benefited a reasonable sum from this probate and knew I was dealing with it by myself.
The funds have now cleared. I didn't expect any gushing thanks, but a text just to say thanks would have been appreciated. Instead, I've heard nothing from anyone. It's as if I don't exist. AIBU to feel sad about this?

@Viviennethebeautiful

Me and my brother were Mums executors. He left the task to me (as well as 95% of support for dad). When it was done his only communication was to ask for an itemised list of deductions. They amounted to about 20% of her estate including funeral costs. We are not close but do have a relationship. He had been an executor before, for a friend, so knew the the size of the task. I was so sad.

My dad fell out with his brother over this

I don't know, grief can be difficult. There may be many conflicting and upsetting emotions, including guilt, especially if the relationship with the deceased was complicated and the siblings "benefitted" financially. It might be difficult for them to acknowledge. Just another perspective.

It is sad. It's not until you have to deal with it that you realise how complicated probate can be; there was a time when I had no idea but now I do so I sympathise. However I'm sure they don't mean anything by being so lacking in appreciation.

I hope you got your fair share and are enjoying it, op. You of all deserve that! Long may you live.

You e done the right thing, they are selfish oafs. Move on and make sure you leave them nothing in your will.

@Snarkles just wanted to say thanks from the universe for being a good egg x

@Snarkles

Thanks both. I don't often post on here, but wondered if I was being unreasonable. I'm nottoo surprised, given the lack of care about my other sibling, but I am sad about it. I would send a thank you if the roles were reversed. Sometimes people are awful. :(

I would tell them this. However if you hadn't sorted probate as he died interstate they still would have got their money so maybe they assumed you wanted to do it?

They are very, very rude. And as their sibling, I'd be telling them so.
Well done, you. Probate is hard and time-consuming. Saying thank you is easy and quick.
They are CFs.

@Viviennethebeautiful

Me and my brother were Mums executors. He left the task to me (as well as 95% of support for dad). When it was done his only communication was to ask for an itemised list of deductions. They amounted to about 20% of her estate including funeral costs. We are not close but do have a relationship. He had been an executor before, for a friend, so knew the the size of the task. I was so sad.

*@Viviennethebeautiful* how and when did you steal my identity, and more to the point, why did you want it??? With a few tweaks this is my story almost exactly.

Since the death of both of my parents my brother has not made any effort to be in touch, and as he has lived abroad for most of his adult life (in various different countries) I have no-idea where he and his family are now. So during their lives he saw our parents for no more than 2 or 3 days a year, but would spend 4, 5 or more days still in the UK visiting his friends. I would have loved to travel extensively too, but there is no way that I could have abandoned our parents like that.

Thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful person @Vivienne 💐

@RedHelenB If I had left it, then lots of time and money would have been trying to trace them as they had said no many occasions while my sibling was alive that they wanted nothing to do with them. The state-appointed tracers cost a lot of money.

Mind you, I come from from a fractured family where they all grew up together and I was with others, so I shouldn't be surprised.

All that considered though, I wouldn't have thought a two-word text of acknowledgement was too much to ask,
Had my sibling died without any money for a funeral, the others would not have come forward, and I would have to have paid for that.,