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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it rude to ask why?

45 replies

Scienceseeker · 03/04/2022 19:40

A friend asked to meet for coffee tomorrow. I couldn’t make the time she was free and she wanted to know why. I explained I had a therapy session and she asked what I was going to see a therapist for.

AIBU to think you don’t ask that? I haven’t replied to her text yet, all suggestions welcome.

OP posts:
Dibdobdoo · 03/04/2022 20:03

You are seeing a therapist to get some advice with how to deal with over inquisitive friends.

Pansypotter123 · 03/04/2022 20:04

I suppose it depends on how close this friend feels she is to you to be able to ask you personal questions. Or is she just plain nosy? Either way you don't have to tell her the reason you're having therapy.

Pansypotter123 · 03/04/2022 20:06

Oh, and you needn't reply to that text!

LittleGwyneth · 03/04/2022 20:06

She sounds quite thick to be honest.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 03/04/2022 20:07

I suppose I wouldn't have disclosed that I was going to a therapy session if she wasn't the kind of friend I was going to discuss it further with. I would just have said that it didn't suit, or that I had an appointment.

RedskyThisNight · 03/04/2022 20:08

I assume she's quite a good friend? Wouldn't have an issue with a good friend asking.

if she's not a good friend, it's odd that you've volunteered the information that you're going to the therapist rather than something vague like "I have an appointment".

MsVestibule · 03/04/2022 20:09

She's just the nosey type. Don't bother replying to her text and if she asks again, just say with a smile that you'd rather not discuss it.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 03/04/2022 20:09

You can either just tell her it's a private matter and try to arrange a suitable time for you both to meet, or don't bother answering her regarding the therapy. However, if you do meet her, will she probing further? You might need to be prepared for that. But she shouldn't be asking you what you are seeing a therapist for.

Boofay · 03/04/2022 20:10

I was asked a similarly intrusive question on a sensitive subject recently. I simply ignored the text message. They soon got the hint.

Mrsjayy · 03/04/2022 20:10

It wouldn't bother me if someone asked but if I didn't want to say I would be vague and say I had an appointment.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 03/04/2022 20:11

I wouldn't have said I was going to therapy if I wasn't happy to disclose why, to be honest.

Why not just say you had the dentist or something?

MurmuratingStarling · 03/04/2022 20:11

She probably meant no harm, but YANBU it is a wee bit intrusive. I'd have just said I have a dental appointment tbh. Or I'm having haemorrhoid surgery or something.

But yeah @Scienceseeker YANBU.

Cactuslove · 03/04/2022 20:13

I just ask 'why' back. Works pretty well. 'Why are you in therapy?', repsond: 'Why? Does it matter?' Or 'Why do you ask?' Or 'Why do you want to know?'

MurmuratingStarling · 03/04/2022 20:15

Oh bloody hell, I missed the bit where you said she asked you WHY you were in therapy! SORRY! Yep, waaaaaay inappropriate asking that!

HeddaGarbled · 03/04/2022 20:16

My friends would have known I was thinking of going to therapy and the reason why well before I got as far as making the appointment, but we’re all allowed to make our own privacy choices.

jytdtysrht · 03/04/2022 20:16

Rude AF

Though…
You should have said
I have an appointment in town
Or something like that

LakieLady · 03/04/2022 20:18

Tell her you're getting overwhelming urges to take an axe and chop up people who ask intrusive questions.

mycatisannoying · 03/04/2022 20:20

All you had to do was say you had an appointment Hmm

Thejoyfulstar · 03/04/2022 20:21

@Cactuslove

I just ask 'why' back. Works pretty well. 'Why are you in therapy?', repsond: 'Why? Does it matter?' Or 'Why do you ask?' Or 'Why do you want to know?'
This! 'Why do you want to know?' is perfect! Oh please text this and tell us what she says!!!
MurmuratingStarling · 03/04/2022 20:22

Yeah I do agree with pps that you should have said something else @Scienceseeker But I guess you were kind of put on the spot eh?

Clarinet1 · 03/04/2022 20:23

I don’t think I would have said that it was therapy just “Something on” or “I’m tied up” but, as you had said it was therapy, the answer to why you were seeing a therapist was “That’s between me and the therapist”.

Mrsjayy · 03/04/2022 20:25

Sorry I misread what a nosey moo she should have said I hope all goes well catch up soon!

MurmuratingStarling · 03/04/2022 20:27

@Mrsjayy

It wouldn't bother me if someone asked but if I didn't want to say I would be vague and say I had an appointment.
I misread the OP too. (Well, more like didn't read it properly!!! Blush )
SeasonFinale · 03/04/2022 20:27

To be fair she may have thought you wanted to tell her because you said you were going to a therapist because otherwise you could have said I have something on until (time)

RedskyThisNight · 03/04/2022 20:35

@MurmuratingStarling

Yeah I do agree with pps that you should have said something else *@Scienceseeker* But I guess you were kind of put on the spot eh?
It was a text. You can take as long as you like to reply to them.