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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it rude to ask why?

45 replies

Scienceseeker · 03/04/2022 19:40

A friend asked to meet for coffee tomorrow. I couldn’t make the time she was free and she wanted to know why. I explained I had a therapy session and she asked what I was going to see a therapist for.

AIBU to think you don’t ask that? I haven’t replied to her text yet, all suggestions welcome.

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkle · 03/04/2022 20:38

She probably thought by mentioning it you were opening up a conversation about it and wanted to talk about it. Maybe she thought she’d seem uncaring if she didn’t ask about it.

If you didn’t want to talk about it you should have just said you had an appointment/ another excuse.

Thumpkin · 03/04/2022 20:39

I think that because you mentioned therapy - which in itself some people would keep private - she might have thought you were happy to be open about it. YANBU though - don’t reply to the question. If she asks you again in person, then there’s nothing at all wrong with telling her you don’t want to discuss why. I personally wouldn’t ask someone why if they told me they were having counselling of any sort - I’d wait for them to volunteer the info and definitely not presume I could ask for more details.

DreamTheMoors · 03/04/2022 20:39

Her: why?
You: because.
Her: because why?
You: because, that’s why.
Her: but why?
You: bye

greenlynx · 03/04/2022 21:58

I also agree that she probably thought that you’ve mentioned therapy because you wanted to talk about it. Otherwise I would just say an appointment without specifying.
I mentioned to my mum the other day that DD was taking antibiotics and mum didn’t ask why so I was upset that she didn’t care.

NeverChange · 03/04/2022 22:33

Extremely rude. I wouldn't reply, or ignore it in my reply to or just say because I want to.

SickAndTiredAgain · 03/04/2022 22:39

YANBU, but I guess it slightly depends how she asked, and how close a friend she is. A close friend asking why you’re going, is everything ok etc is more acceptable I think.

XenoBitch · 03/04/2022 22:41

"Sorry, no. I can't make it" should be adequate answer enough.

ThinWomansBrain · 03/04/2022 22:43

I'd like to think that if it was someone I was close enought to to say that I had a therapy appointment, they would have asked out of concern/with the thought that they could be of assistance or offer support - even if poorly worded.

that's the trouble with texting - no bloody nuance.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/04/2022 22:44

Reply ‘Because it’s good to work through some things in complete privacy.’

So intrusive.

Maybeitstimeforachange · 03/04/2022 22:47

Perhaps she is just surprised you are having therapy, if she’s a good friend wouldn’t you talk about it with her anyway?

tobedtoMN · 03/04/2022 22:48

@LakieLady

Tell her you're getting overwhelming urges to take an axe and chop up people who ask intrusive questions.
Brilliant!
autienotnaughty · 03/04/2022 22:50

I wouldn't answer just rearrange

HellToTheNope · 03/04/2022 22:52

I wouldn't reply and I'd be ditching her. I don't tolerate daft, nosey people.

Kite22 · 03/04/2022 22:54

I haven't voted, as it depends on the relationship you normally have.

If I didn't want someone to know I was having therapy, I wouldn't tell them I was seeing a therapist then, I'd have just said "No, I can't do then, what about 2.30? or Wednesday?"

By saying you are having a therapy session, you are sort of inviting questions about it. In some relationships, if the other person then didn't ask, the person who had dropped that information into the conversation would then be upset that their friend didn't care about what they were going through.......

Your friend is in a no-win situation here.

SparklyLeprechaun · 03/04/2022 22:58

You volunteered a piece of information that was bound to attract that sort of question. Just like if you said you were going clothes shopping she would have asked what are you looking to buy.

A bit nosey, but I presume she's a close enough friend if you told her about the therapy.

FrankLeeSpeaking · 03/04/2022 23:11

I think it was rude to ask why you couldn't make x time in the first place!

Moonandstar5 · 03/04/2022 23:21

I’d say it depends on how close or how open you are with people and your friend. It’s possible she just wanted to know to try and empathise with you or give advice, to connect with you more intimatley. Or to be nosy. I don’t think it’s rude to ask but if she’s your regular friend she would already have a hint as to why and not really need to ask. But if you only see her once in a while and not close then the ball is in your court. It’s up to you whether you open up or not. How well you trust her. You don’t have to reveal anything. Tell her you’d rather not say right now it’s very sensitive. If she still asks why then she’s over stepping the boundaries.

StoneofDestiny · 03/04/2022 23:22

Tell her you are seeing a therapist to make you more assertive when dealing with nosey friends.

NurseBernard · 03/04/2022 23:26

Agree - it seems odd to have even told her you were going for a therapy session. It almost invites questions.

I’d have just said - I had a (health) appointment.

Just don’t reply to the latest text.

tkwal · 03/04/2022 23:28

That information is on a need to know basis , and you don't need to know.
Or , more diplomatically
I can't tell you because to be honest, I'm not sure myself. I'm trusting you with the information because I know I can rely on you not to tell anyone else

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