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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this unreasonable? What should I do now?

49 replies

marcemarsh · 03/04/2022 19:33

Was this unreasonable?
Okay. I feel bad for this. I think I know the answer but I’m still going to put this here.
DD 7 had leg surgery a couple of weeks ago and struggled with things like going upstairs and dressing. This has tired me out so I’ve been irritable. The PMS doesn’t help either.
I was brushing DD’s hair and she cries like a banshee. She’s not defiant or anything but she does cry. Her hair is very think so I suppose that’s why. She wasn’t doing anything wrong really. I was brushing it and taking her hair clips out. I couldn’t take the noise anymore and threw the clips across the room and I stopped brushing. I started screaming at her and she was crying more. I feel bad because she wasn’t even arguing back, just crying. I told her she made me feel like a horrible person and she doesn’t appreciate me enough. I told her that I do so much for her even when I don’t want to. I sleep downstairs with her because she struggles to go upstairs after surgery. I’m exhausted and wanted her to know. Was this unreasonable, what should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
marcemarsh · 03/04/2022 19:34

Thick, not think.

OP posts:
Original poster
marcemarsh · 03/04/2022 19:35

Also. This wasn’t true. She does appreciate me and is the best DD I could ask for.

OP posts:
GiveMeNovocain · 03/04/2022 19:36

@marcemarsh

Also. This wasn’t true. She does appreciate me and is the best DD I could ask for.
Tell her this and that you're sorry
Original poster
marcemarsh · 03/04/2022 19:37

I will. She’s playing upstairs at the moment.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 03/04/2022 19:38

Reckon you've reached the end of your tether. I had a daughter who was very sensitive - detangler was a life saver. Our kids don't appreciate us. That's not their job. You're having a hard time, and she's having a hard time. Any chance of someone looking after little Miss, so you could have a bit of a break? Also, never be afraid to apologise.

Original poster
marcemarsh · 03/04/2022 19:39

@mbosnz

Reckon you've reached the end of your tether. I had a daughter who was very sensitive - detangler was a life saver. Our kids don't appreciate us. That's not their job. You're having a hard time, and she's having a hard time. Any chance of someone looking after little Miss, so you could have a bit of a break? Also, never be afraid to apologise.
DH is great and helps me. I really had no reason to do it
OP posts:
Tippexy · 03/04/2022 19:39

@marcemarsh

I will. She’s playing upstairs at the moment.
No, tell her now
VashtaNerada · 03/04/2022 19:41

Just apologise. Explain that everyone gets grumpy when they’re tired but it’s important if that does happen to say sorry afterwards. No parent is perfect, it sounds like a really tricky time at the moment.

Chely · 03/04/2022 19:42

Sounds like you lost your shit because you are exhausted, you need to apologise to her. Try to walk away for a bit and calm down if you feel like that again.

AlternativePerspective · 03/04/2022 19:45

Everyone has a breaking point. Apologise to her.

And if her hair is that difficult to manage at 7 I would have it cut. As a child I wasn’t allowed to grow my hair long until I could manage it myself.

Original poster
marcemarsh · 03/04/2022 19:46

@AlternativePerspective

Everyone has a breaking point. Apologise to her.

And if her hair is that difficult to manage at 7 I would have it cut. As a child I wasn’t allowed to grow my hair long until I could manage it myself.

It’s not too long honestly. About shoulder length
OP posts:
SummerInSun · 03/04/2022 19:49

Apologies to her.

But why have long hair if it's causing so much angst? I have very thick hair and always had a short bob until I was old enough to brush it myself.

Or at the wry least, use way more conditioner in it and get a wide tooth comb and comb from the bottom, an inch at a time.

Gizacluethen · 03/04/2022 19:49

Well yeah obviously that's a video way to treat a young child who's just had surgery.

You need to get a detangle brush and be more gentle, start at the bottom, you're hurting her.

Dejavuvuzella · 03/04/2022 19:51

Not your finest moment...why can't she brush her own hair at 7?

Original poster
marcemarsh · 03/04/2022 19:55

@Dejavuvuzella

Not your finest moment...why can't she brush her own hair at 7?
She can. But after surgery she’s had a lot of exercise to do with her leg and is a bit tired on top of it all so I help her out.
OP posts:
Dejavuvuzella · 03/04/2022 19:57

Well you need to massively make it up to her tomorrow, pulling out all the stops.

chisanunian · 03/04/2022 20:21

She'd have got a short sharp "STOP MAKING THAT NOISE" from me.

Can't stand banshee wails from tiny kids, let alone bigger ones. There's no way I'd put up with it from a 7-year-old.

Sometimeswinning · 03/04/2022 20:25

You need to face she's getting over surgery and relying on you. Next time step out the room. Ask her dad to take over. We all get it wrong at times. You definitely did this time. I'd apologise and make sure she knows you were in the wrong. Kids move on pretty quick (I've messed up a few times, but always apologised!)

Owwlie · 03/04/2022 20:26

You’ve reached the end of your tether, it happens. I have a 4yo DD who screams whenever anything goes wrong, whether she spills something, her sister snatches off her. Literally anything. She’s being assessed for ASD as her communication can be poor so I try to be as patient as possible but a couple of times I have snapped. It’s bloody hard at times. Just apologise to her, tell her you were wrong and that sometimes adults make mistakes as well.

Can't stand banshee wails from tiny kids, let alone bigger ones. There's no way I'd put up with it from a 7-year-old.

A 7yo that’s recovering from surgery though, so a little more empathy wouldn’t hurt.

MrsPaperclip · 03/04/2022 20:28

We all have our breaking point, OP. Be kind to yourself. The crying while hairbrushing used to drive me insane too, on a normal day. Give her a cuddle, explain that grown ups get cross too, move on. Hope you're OK Flowers

Sometimeswinning · 03/04/2022 20:30

We all have our breaking point, OP. Be kind to yourself

Ugh! Be kind to the 7 year old maybe. If a breaking point is this I'd be extremely concerned that the op needs some help with her anger!!

SophieSoSo · 03/04/2022 20:32

Throwing things and screaming at her?

No, you know this is not ok. Go and apologise to her and find a way to control yourself in future.

Xpologog · 03/04/2022 20:35

Detangling spray. It’s a life changer. avon.uk.com/products/naturals-kids-magnificent-mango-detangling-spray?variant=35062177300525&istCompanyId=76bae047-59d6-4b73-a1d9-de6de4f94e5b&istFeedId=e4b47740-35da-48bf-ba60-101fe116f54f&istItemId=iaxlpmmiw&istBid=t&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpb2j19H49gIVGLLtCh1KPAH0EAQYASABEgI56PD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
You’re exhausted, she’s had surgery and can’t play with her friends, I imagine you’re both fed up. Say sorry, everyone gets grumpy sometimes. She’ll get over it. You’ll probably keep beating yourself because that’s what mums do, even though there’s no need to.
Hope you both get some decent sleep and feel better soon.

Shouldbedoing · 03/04/2022 20:35

Apologise
And buy this brush. It's better than the tangleteaser
Deal: Boar Bristle Hair Brush set –JT JUSTIME Curved and Vented Detangling Hair Brush (Pink) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08VJ49NY4/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_dl_H05YEB07ZK2K9B06XNWF?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Shouldbedoing · 03/04/2022 20:36

There are better colours than pink!