Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Fell asleep and didn't hear baby

74 replies

ilovedoggs · 03/04/2022 11:39

This morning 1 yr old DS and I woke up as usual and I offered him his breakfast but he didn't want too much of it so I went back in the bedroom and I put the tv on and him in his cot so I could snooze for a few minutes, this isn't something I usually do, I was just so tired and I always hear him if he starts to fuss but today I was just so exhausted to the point where I didn't even hear him. It was about 9:25 when I put him in there and I woke up at 11 to him screaming. The cot is literally next to the bed I don't know how I didn't hear him. What's worse is he had done a poo and he was just sitting there in it screaming for me and I wasn't responding he must've thought I was dead 😭. He was crying uncontrollably while I changed him and this week I've been weaning him off the breast so I don't usually give a breastfeed in the day time but I gave him one to calm him down. He's calm now but doesn't want to get off it and hes still not smiling much. Will he be okay? Is this going to traumatise him for life? I feel like the worlds worst parent atm, I'm just an emotional wreck myself right now because this shouldn't have happened 😞

OP posts:

suzyscat · 03/04/2022 13:40

Awww it's so hard when they're small. You're doing fine. He honestly won't have been crying for long. A bit of boob and having you close is all he needs. You needed that sleep, you probably need a lot more than that. He was safe in his cot and will be a lot better off with a mum who's had a nap so don't beat yourself up. These things happen. I doubt he was crying very long at all, but even if he were he was safe.

I am a cosleeping/ extend breastfeeding attachment parenting advocate, I would never use CIO personally, but I also don't think that the odd instance where you don't get there as quickly as you'd want to causes any harm at all.

Be kind to yourself.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 03/04/2022 13:41

Think about it this way.

If you had more than one child at some point you’d be dealing with one when the other cries. As long as they’re safe it’s not going to do them any harm for you to not be immediately there all of the time and certainly not as a one off.

Wam90 · 03/04/2022 13:41

Honestly, you did nothing wrong.
You put him in his cot so he was safe and you had a lie down so you could look after him safely.
I expect he went from content to screaming in seconds which is when he woke you up.
Have a cuddle with him and carry on with your day. Do you have any support so you can have a bit more of a rest?

AllTheWeetabix · 03/04/2022 13:46

@LazyJayne

“Is he traumatised for life?”

Is there any need? She’s bedside herself and exhausted. What did you gain out of this?

Thumpkin · 03/04/2022 13:53

How do you know he wasn’t screaming for only a few seconds or a minute? Why are assuming it was for much longer and he thought you were dead? Was it recorded somewhere? If not, you sound a bit overly anxious and disproportionate because this just sounds totally normal. You fell asleep, baby realises nappy is uncomfortable, screams and wakes you up!

steff13 · 03/04/2022 13:57

He'll be fine. Like PP, I think he was probably only crying for a couple of minutes. And he doesn't know what dead is.

SpidersAreShitheads · 03/04/2022 14:11

I promise you OP, in the future you'll laugh at the fact you thought you'd traumatised him for life. And I don't mean that unkindly - when you're in the mire of sleep deprivation, and all the demands of looking after a small baby, it's hard to think rationally. We've all been there. It's bloody hard.

A 1 yr old doesn't have the cognitive ability to think that you might be dead. You're projecting your thoughts onto him so please don't worry that he was screaming and traumatised. He was just uncomfortable and doing what a baby will always do to get attention.

He wouldn't have been crying for long. I think what's happened is that you're seeing things that aren't there, such as him not smiling very much, and 2 +2 = 5.

It could have been catastrophic if you'd put him next to you on the bed and rolled onto him. But you didn't. You did the smart thing and made sure he was safe before dozing. Absolutely fine.

I hope you're OK. We've all had moments like this, and your lovely little boy will be completely unaffected in every way. 100%.

Georgeskitchen · 03/04/2022 14:21

Good heavens no of course he won't be traumatised. I bet he started screaming about 3 minutes before u woke up!!

Marvellousmadness · 03/04/2022 14:32

He won't be traumatised. But I hope you learned a lesson op....

Johnnypiratesfriend · 03/04/2022 14:33

I'm a massive attachment parent. I did this with my first. I actually built her crying into my dream. I am traumatised for life over it. She on the other hand is totally fine.
Relax have extra cuddles today you both deserve them.

GraceandMolly · 03/04/2022 14:34

I can understand your mum guilt, but don’t be too harsh on yourself. Your baby will be absolutely fine, I’m sure you’re giving him all the cuddles today.

thequeenoftarts · 03/04/2022 14:35

@tcjotm

He’d probably write

“Dear Babiesnet. Mummy and I had nice naps this morning. I woke a bit before her. It was funny seeing her sleeping. But then I did a poo and it was yucky so I screamed for her to wake up. She cleaned me up but she’s been very upset ever since and I don’t know why. So I am staying close to her and not smiling so I match her mood. Do you have any other suggestions to show her I understand today is a sad face day?”

Love this post

ouch321 · 03/04/2022 14:47

Yes it will traumatise him for life.

Honestly!

So many people on here love the drama, must be lots of wannabe actors.

ClemDanFango · 03/04/2022 14:56

If this is the worst mistake you’ve made as a parent so far you’re going great guns as far as I’m concerned.

ehb102 · 03/04/2022 14:58

Traumatic Incident Reduction facilitator here. I doubt your child will be traumatised by this incident. This is because the system worked as intended. You made your child safe, your child was safe and happy being next to you and having TV or whatever self entertainment was there. When your child needed you, you woke up. Those awful screams? I bet you there was a level or two in reserve still! I get that you feel bad but I suspect that is because you are to hard on yourself, and you are the one who was shocked (and maybe traumatized!) by the surprise awakening. Deep slow breaths, hold your baby and know you did just fine as a mother.

Caterina99 · 03/04/2022 14:59

He cried, you woke up, and then sorted him out. He’ll be perfectly happy that all is normal and not remotely traumatised by this.

How is it any different from him waking in the night? Or after a nap? Babies cry to communicate to us. It doesn’t mean that he’s horribly upset.

He absolutely won’t have been crying for long. Probably a few minutes at most

RealBecca · 03/04/2022 15:07

"Traumatised for life and thinking you were dead"

Are you normally this anxious? I'm not having a dig, its just that I know when I was coping with PND I got really anxious about certain things so worth thinking about whether this is out of character for you x

PebbleMillAtOne · 03/04/2022 15:11

He has no concept of death, so that’s not a worry
Realistically you cannot be sure how long he’d been crying for, so that’s not a worry
You woke up and dealt with the issue, so that’s not a worry

FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 15:13

Bless you, he will be fine but I totally understand the worry x

Bethany7 · 03/04/2022 15:24

Your baby was safe. Please don't worry and do try to move on mentally from this and don't let it take up any more headspace. Motherhood is exhausting and you clearly needed the sleep. I bet he wasn't even crying for long. I bet you are a great mum. We are all just doing our best. You forget about it now. Your son will already have! X

Bournetilly · 03/04/2022 15:25

He will be fine don’t worry, he won’t ever remember!

SheWoreYellow · 03/04/2022 15:33

If he didn’t want his breakfast and you’re absolutely shattered, are you maybe both a bit ill?

Cut yourself some slack.

catscatscatseverywhere · 03/04/2022 15:37

He’ll be fine, just move on. Plus he doesn’t know the idea of death yet so he wasn’t thinking anything. Just wanted to be changed and looked after.

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 03/04/2022 15:50

Ya he is prob feeding to soothe you. Give yourself a break love being a mom is tough x

Flip

1 2 3