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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this it for me?

71 replies

Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 10:44

Sorry if this sounds like a sob story, I’m 32, single mum with a 4 and 1 year old. I work part time in an nhs admin type role, there is scope to progress, ie facilities service manager etc but that would mean to go full time? I want to be an example for the kids…I went to college but not uni and feel like failure.

Any other mums been here? And what did you do to better your life and how did you get there?

OP posts:
Toofuckingearly · 03/04/2022 21:51

@Winnie90

Do I have time to make changes or is this me forever?
You could try an access course then a degree. I was in a band 3 job in the NHS for 16 years with no scope for promotion, I also left college but didn't go to university aged 18. I worked alongside my access course and for the first 1.5 years of my degree. I qualified as a social worker last July aged 48. You have plenty of time to improve your career. (But you are doing ok anyway)
moofolk · 03/04/2022 22:01

With kids at the age yours are it feels like you've been parenting for ages and 'should' have already 'achieved' in life; whatever that means.

When. Was at a similar life point to you, with three kids under three, I had nothing. I'd been made redundant from a boring but steady job.

I went to uni & kids are now all in high school & I have a decent job.

I wouldn't recommend university necessarily but there is so much more time than you think.

Spend time with your kids while you can, stay away from full time work for a couple more years if you can, and then power through.

Doing well in life isn't all about work. Be there for and with your kids, enjoy time with them, and have other interests (hobbies, interests, politics). This is what shapes them, not what job you have x

Original poster
Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 22:08

Your all so lovely! I feel so much better xxx

OP posts:
Heyisforhorses · 03/04/2022 23:13

@Winnie90

Your all so lovely! I feel so much better xxx
Thats great to hear, hug your kids tomorrow and be happy at what's to come 😘
fridaRose · 04/04/2022 00:32

[quote Winnie90]@fridaRose which degree did you do?

@Eyedropeyeflop can you tell me how I apply for finance?[/quote]
I did bachelor is registered general nursing, I needed it go into a specific role (too outing to say on here).

I did think of doing psychology but as someone mentioned it is a very long road.

Decide on the skill you are wanting to acquire and find out what qualifications you need for it. Then keep working towards it and be patient and resilient - it won't be overnight.

You can decide on something that doesn't require a degree, for example cake making business BUT be prepared for it to take several years before you become good enough to charge decent money for it.

fridaRose · 04/04/2022 00:33

Also, I didn't have kids till 35 and I did feel crap about it , so you definitely don't look like a failure to me. You already achieved an amazing thing and that's your kids.
I wound be envious of you Smile

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 04/04/2022 02:51

You are smashing it. Part time work and being a single mother is HARD. I'm just retraining now at 38, I've focused on enjoying my kids for the last few years. Don't worry about what anyone else is doing, there will be plenty of time when your kids are older for you to concentrate on your career, you don't have to be doing everything this second.

Original poster
Winnie90 · 04/04/2022 07:43

I suppose I’m being down on myself because maybe I should have had this established before children?

OP posts:
Castleheights · 04/04/2022 07:51

You are doing the hardest job around. Parenting is relentless (and amazing!) I was in a similar position to you and did my degree with the OU. Little one started school and my job is very rewarding. Time spent on you enjoy is not a waste of time.

fluffiphlox · 04/04/2022 07:59

The people who seem to have done better in their careers at your age have most likely not chosen to have two children and are not coping with those children on their own. You will most likely be working until you are 70 so you have a lot of opportunity to make up for what might appear to be lost time. Make a plan and take your chances as they appear.

Original poster
Winnie90 · 04/04/2022 08:15

I do feel I am where I need to be right now, I just needed reassurance that I haven’t failed and have time. Thank you xx

OP posts:
TottersBlankly · 04/04/2022 08:35

I’m sure no one thinks you’re failing at anything, OP.

But as you’ve asked what other people are doing you may find this thread worth looking at:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mature_students/4486801-Open-University-or-Access-to-Higher-Education?msgid=116360108

Original poster
Winnie90 · 04/04/2022 09:12

@Castleheights what do you do now and which degree did you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Winnie90 · 04/04/2022 09:28

I can’t stop crying about this, I think I might be depressed

OP posts:
latriciamcneal · 04/04/2022 12:26

@Winnie90

Am I really not a failure? I can’t bare the thought that I haven’t done my children proud. Are lots of mums in this position?
Your children want you to love them and care for them with patience and attention.

You're working and presumably caring for your children. You're doing exactly what you need to do and more.

Literally all your children want is their mum to love and care for them and spend time. If you can live in what you make, keep doing that and keep spending quality time with your children.

Time with your children is finite and you never get it back. Stress shortens your life and full-time work always equals stress.

Original poster
Winnie90 · 04/04/2022 12:47

But shouldn’t I have of achieved so much more by now?

OP posts:
Original poster
Winnie90 · 04/04/2022 12:48

Have achieved**

OP posts:
Notbluepeter · 04/04/2022 13:02

The grass isn't always greener. I'm a CA and fantasise every day about moving into a part time administrative role to allow me more time with my DS.

Original poster
Winnie90 · 04/04/2022 13:17

Ok, can anybody recommend any decent degrees for me to study whilst I am part time? I am thinking of staying in facilities management. I would love to be a nurse/midwife but realistically I wouldn’t be on more more than I am now?

OP posts:
Menora · 04/04/2022 13:35

You can’t just pick a degree like that really. Maybe you need to talk to a careers guide. I don’t know what your skills are or what you would qualify for on a degree course, if you have any a levels or experience. You say you want to go in the business direction but then have asked about clinical qualifications

You could read some uni guides? Go to some open days?

Anything clinical will need clinical hours of placements alongside work, study and childcare. Can you afford a degree do you know how much they cost?

You could look for free courses in evenings and weekends as tasters to see what you like doing

Menora · 04/04/2022 13:37

If you want to do something business related you could look at project management, Prince2 or Agile. You could look at what schemes your trust offers. Mine did NVQ all the way up to degree. I did an NHS improvement course for free too

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