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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this it for me?

71 replies

Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 10:44

Sorry if this sounds like a sob story, I’m 32, single mum with a 4 and 1 year old. I work part time in an nhs admin type role, there is scope to progress, ie facilities service manager etc but that would mean to go full time? I want to be an example for the kids…I went to college but not uni and feel like failure.

Any other mums been here? And what did you do to better your life and how did you get there?

OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 03/04/2022 18:17

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE !
You are there for your children and you are working.
Do not compare yourself to others- high flier does not necessarily equal a fulfilling or happy life.
You have years to climb the work ladder if that is something YOU want to do for YOURSELF not because you think you have to.
I was the same as you, worked part time when my child was little, when she was a bit older I had the opportunity to go to uni and retrain, I was 40 , you have ages to go yet x

EthelsAuntie · 03/04/2022 18:18

You are absolutely not a failure. You are a strong woman bringing up 2 young kids, holding down a decent job. Things are hard for all working mums but especially single mums and the fact your children are so young.
You will get through this phase of your life and it will get easier.
You are setting an excellent example to your children. You should feel proud not like you have failed.

Original poster
Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 18:27

Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 18:47

Have most mums my age got Their life sorted career wise? I’m honestly so so down about it

OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 03/04/2022 18:57

Sorted how ? If they earn enough to keep a roof over their heads and feed their children then that's good enough. It's not about your job title or how much you earn . My friend worked and still does all the hours in a high paid job , she is not close to her now adult daughters, she's miserable, worn out and has many regrets.

No one has a perfect 'sorted' life , it's about finding a level of contentment, don't keep looking ahead because you'll miss the good things that are happening now.

Truthlikeness · 03/04/2022 18:59

My parents had me very young (17) and then my brother shortly after. They both acquired some A-levels though night school then, when I was about 14, my mum started studying with the OU. That got her enough qualifications to get onto a university degree course when she was 30. My dad did a foundation year and started a degree course when he was 35. They both recently retired having had 30+ year professional careers.

Darbs76 · 03/04/2022 19:01

Of course you’re not a failure. I’ve been a single mum for years, it’s only now my youngest are 14 & 17 that I feel it’s all coming together, doing well at work, income to spare etc, I know my kids are proud that I work hard for them. Keep going.

Knittingchamp · 03/04/2022 19:11

You sound so lovely to me and of course you're not a failure. Being lovely, caring for your kids and working for the NHS which exists to help people is all something you should be very proud of!

Heyisforhorses · 03/04/2022 19:20

@Winnie90

Would you honestly not feel a failure if you were me?
I have such admiration for single mams doing it all themselves. You're looking after 2 small kids and working, from your comments you will continue to work and be a good example to your kids. Don't be so hard on yourself, being a mam is such a hard job on it's own and you're doing it. Be proud of managing both work and mam, you'll end up full time when things even out in your personal life. For right now, do what you can manage with and an end goal of back to school and work progression in about 5 years. You're doing great xxxx
Original poster
Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 19:21

@Eyedropeyeflop which degree did you do? What were the entry requirements?

OP posts:
Original poster
Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 19:21

@Eyedropeyeflop also, how do you pay for it?

OP posts:
Namechange466 · 03/04/2022 19:23

@Winnie90

Would you honestly not feel a failure if you were me?
honestly not at all. to me you have achieved more than anyone i know at your age - good job, good life, two gorgeous kids - the dream. You should be proud of the successful life you have made for yourself - and it’s only upwards and onwards from here as you are still so young and have your whole life ahead of you.
Eyedropeyeflop · 03/04/2022 19:26

@Winnie90

Student loan. No entry requirements at the OU.

In the nicest possible way you’re coming across completely helpless. You’re not. You have the power to change your life and I speak as someone from a disadvantaged background.

You work in NHS admin you are able to research options, but it won’t just fall into your lap.

DogsAndGin · 03/04/2022 19:38

You’re being a wonderful example to them by showing them you’re present, there for them, reliable, loving. No child cares that their parents went to uni. I say this from the perspective of having a mother who was never present, but was a high achiever.

Eyedropeyeflop · 03/04/2022 19:41

@DogsAndGin

I disagree, I think there’s a balance.

I’m glad my mum went to Uni and pulled us out of poverty, she shown me it was possible to achieve and to believe in yourself.

She was emotionally present. It doesn’t have to be so black and white.

Original poster
Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 19:43

@Eyedropeyeflop can you give me more info? Been looking at the courses and interested in the psychology and counselling. How do you pay for a full time course? Or can you only do it part time?

OP posts:
Eyedropeyeflop · 03/04/2022 19:43

It’s a student loan for part or full time.

Personally I’ve did mine part time as I do want to be present for my kids. I aim for a good balance.

fridaRose · 03/04/2022 19:47

I started second degree at 34 yo, whilst working full time.
I studied online.

Was extremely hard, but people can do it.

Original poster
Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 19:55

@fridaRose which degree did you do?

@Eyedropeyeflop can you tell me how I apply for finance?

OP posts:
Skydreams · 03/04/2022 20:15

Of course you are not a failure! You are providing for your DC and when you feel ready you can move to full-time and look to progress if you wish. Far fewer high-fliers at 32 will have young DC than do have them.

I’ve just been told that at late 40’s and being a SAHM very few employers will be interested in employing me so to me you are absolutely a success story, both for yourself and your DC.

Vapeyvapevape · 03/04/2022 20:22

I would research the jobs that you can get once you have finished studying, I did Diagnostic Radiography and was guaranteed a job .

Menora · 03/04/2022 21:02

There is only a point in doing uni in your circumstances if you are guaranteed a job like the poster above said - something specific like radiography which you can walk directly into. Otherwise you do a degree and still have to start off at the bottom rung and doing 3 years as a student is very hard because it’s so limiting on finances and a struggle to do all your coursework, placements (if needed) childcare and find some income.

But you don’t need a degree it’s not the only answer to everything. Both my sister and I never went to uni, she worked in a shop and I was a cleaner and she’s working in London on £100k+ Pa

I would carefully research psychology as I have heard it’s a very saturated market it’s not like there are jobs you can just walk into. Many people have to freelance it

Original poster
Winnie90 · 03/04/2022 21:22

Yes, although I am interested in psychology I don’t think it will guarantee me a job, accountancy and business is the way to go I think

OP posts:
TottersBlankly · 03/04/2022 21:32

Will drop this in again for anyone who missed it above. There is a new-ish Mature Study and Retraining topic on MN, under Education:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mature_students

Many, many posters there - in their 30s / 40s / 50s and beyond, are studying or training for first or second careers (or just out of interest in a subject). So if you have questions about how to proceed in any direction you may find answers or links in one of the threads. (The aim of creating the board was to gather as much relevant knowledge and experience as possible in one place, so people would know where to look.)

Quite a few MN-ers seem keen on psychology …

Menora · 03/04/2022 21:44

Psychology is interesting but it’s also a really difficult area. I worked with a children's clinical psychologist a few years back and it had taken her literally years of study, money and blood sweat and tears to get into a secure NHS role. I work with other psychologists now and they are self employed contractors which takes a lot of effort in other ways to manage their own business and not have a secure contract.

Accountancy is a good one to aim for