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Original poster

Why do people think this is ok ??!??

73 replies

Queenie6655 · 02/04/2022 20:34

Hello all

Was out for dinner last night
We all had a rough time with covid so booked a lovely restaurant

Table beside us starts talking to us and the kids (my sister and my two girls with me)
The lady at the table shouts out
'Ah her father must be foreign look at her'
My girl is mixed race

But why is it ok for someone to shout this out
Was mortified
She was so loud
Also we don't talk about her father as he attacked both of us when she was a small baby and we fled from the house (hoping he ends up in jail v soon as a result)

Gosh some people just can't help themselves

What would the correct response be??

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 02/04/2022 21:37

Thank you lovely people feel a lot better
Sorry for rant !!

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 02/04/2022 21:39

@Neongoddess

I am mixed race. I got this from both sides

'Where's your parents from?'
'England and ireland'
'Yeah but where they like, really from'

The from the other side i get

'So you kind of look Asian....but not. Whi one of your parents is white?'

How I respond depends on the situation and my mood. Can range from anything from 'that's a weirdly personal question' to 'what do you mean?' To ' that so rude' to 'do you sit and guess white people parentage' to 'why do you have a sweepstake on how white I am?'

On occasion, I have gone into a really detailed ancestors of my really diverse background. Conveniently leaving our anyone's skin colour tol they get bored.

This is pretty much my position too.

In the context you describe she was completely out of order.

Most of my experiences have been from people trying to 'exoticise' me as I clearly look mixed but they just have to know the exact mix as if I'm a fancy cocktail.

PebbleMillAtOne · 02/04/2022 21:45

Did you speak up at the time, if no one does then people will continue to do this sort of stuff

ThirdElephant · 02/04/2022 21:45

Tell her that families don't usually all look the same. You could even find some examples online or on TV.

Lots of eye and hair colour variation even in single ethnicity families.

Lilapixie · 02/04/2022 21:46

This can just be people making conversation though no?
My kids are mixed and DC 1 looks very much like me. DC 2 exactly like DH. People always ask all kinds of questions. Do they both have the same father? Where is he from? Etc.
i usually dont mind because its mostly asked in a curious way and not negative at all.
Its not exactly the same thing, but english is my second language and when i lived in the UK people always asked me where i was from as soon as i spoke. Also not in a negative way. They were just interested because i do hve an accent, but its not very clear where from apparently.

Neongoddess · 02/04/2022 21:50

@Lilapixie

This can just be people making conversation though no? My kids are mixed and DC 1 looks very much like me. DC 2 exactly like DH. People always ask all kinds of questions. Do they both have the same father? Where is he from? Etc. i usually dont mind because its mostly asked in a curious way and not negative at all. Its not exactly the same thing, but english is my second language and when i lived in the UK people always asked me where i was from as soon as i spoke. Also not in a negative way. They were just interested because i do hve an accent, but its not very clear where from apparently.
No. Its always rude to point at someone and say 'their father must be foreign'
littlefirecar · 02/04/2022 21:54

@MarmiteCoriander

It not just skin colour! My SIL and BIL are both blonde, but their son has bright, orange hair. SIL would get comments all the time about his hair - 'look at that carrot top', is your husband Irish?, 'where did that mop come from?', 'is that a throwback?'

I only ever think of replies long after the event- having stewed over something for hours/days so can't help with a good come back! I could only think of something like 'are you always that rude about a child???'

Yeah because the level of discrimination against gingers is totally the same right? Hmm

Way to trivialize the issue with that comparison!

ukborn · 02/04/2022 21:59

She was just ignorant. And rude. My friend is very dark her husband very white and their kids take after her. How many times has he been asked if they are really his? Countless. People just don't think before they speak.

littlefirecar · 02/04/2022 22:00

actually apply the above comment to both @MarmiteCoriander and @Lilapixie

It must be nice to so totally oblivious to the genuine harm racism and othering can cause

cameocat · 02/04/2022 22:03

Why indeed. How very depressing.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 02/04/2022 22:12

I’d of called the police and pressed charges.

Fraaahnces · 02/04/2022 22:25

That woman should have been removed from the premises. She was that drunk AND making offensive, racist comments about little kids! That is what I call an “Ugly Drunk!” I’m sorry you had to bear witness to such ugliness.
When my kids were little, we lived in another country and they went to an International School. They started at four years old there. My son very innocently asked why his best friend, who was from an African country had brown skin and he had “pink” skin. Everyone swivelled to see how I’d handle that one. I just said, “You know how you have brown hair and eyes like Daddy, and your sisters both have blonde hair and blue eyes like me? Well, both Daddy and I have “pink” skin like you and your sisters. Your friend has brown skin like his Mummy and Daddy.” My son’s reaction was to point out that my skin wasn’t as pink as Daddy’s because it was a bit yellowish (true, I guess, but who made him an artist?) and off he went playing. His buddy’s mum fist-bumped me and said “Well-played for the idiots hoping you’d get egg on your face then!” and we all went off to the park after school.

Darbs76 · 02/04/2022 22:28

Disgusting and I feel furious on your behalf. I have 2 mixed race children (white / Asian) and I’m thankful I’ve never had any racist comments. Thankfully we live in a very multi cultural area but still there are idiots everywhere

pinkstripeycat · 02/04/2022 22:35

Goodness knows why anyone actually has to even comment on someone else’s appearance.

GirlOfTudor · 02/04/2022 22:36

I'm so sorry you had to experience this 😔 There are some absolute idiots in the world. Unfortunately I've experienced it too, as my child's father isn't white English 😔
You don't have time to educate all the racists in the world. All you can do is bring up your daughter to be educated and proud of herself, and to feel beautiful in her own skin; no matter what skin tone it is (which I'm sure you're already doing :) )

loopylindi · 02/04/2022 22:41

Unfortunately smart replies/retorts may slip under their radar. It is said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit -some wouldn't understand even that . One of my favs is 'did you get a refund for the Charm School course you obviously failed'

Bebabelouba · 02/04/2022 22:42

OP please don't apologies for your feelings or brining this issue up. That woman is clearly a racist. Totally unacceptable. Makes my blood boil.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 02/04/2022 22:43

Interesting responses

So maybe I should have said more?

Glad I didn't at the time

It was just so not needed after getting over covid and needing a night out to be fair !!!

OP posts:
Pumasonsatsumas · 02/04/2022 22:46

'your father must have been a donkey, look at you'

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 02/04/2022 22:46

So far we have had

'Is that yourrs' my response was no I found her in the skip

My gp made a very very harsh comment re her skin colour ffs

Guy in the shop said 'wow there's a lot of foreign in her'

And that idiot last night

Hmmmmmm

They can all fck off

OP posts:
dworky · 02/04/2022 22:49

@Violinist64

Please try not to think about this dreadful woman. Thankfully most people are above such atrocious behaviour. My own children are mixed race and my thoughts are that mixed race children are the most attractive of all as they tend to get the best of both. If your daughter asks questions please tell her this and also how it makes her extra special. Unfortunately, some people don’t see things this way but my experience has been that there are far more kind people in the world than people like this horrible woman. She doesn’t deserve the space in your head. Your beautiful daughter does.
Do ugly children deserve to be humiliated?
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 02/04/2022 22:53

@Violinist64 thanks
I get what you mean

Thanks all

OP posts:
GalactatingGoddess · 02/04/2022 22:57

I'm mixed race (black, Asian, italisn), DH is mixed Asian and white, DD is obviously mixed also.

The comments we receive range so massively that sometimes I can't be arsed to respond to the ones that are very 'everyday' such as:

  • where are you from
  • where are you really from
  • where are your parents/grandparents/ancestors/etc from

I'll often be very obtuse and just go into minuscule detail about the small village were from until they realise how rude they are.

We get a lot of: oooooh that's why you're all so good looking, coz you're all mixed'

I've also had : oh I bet you're pleased she's not too dark to which I respond ' like me then?' And they say no and I ask, well, what is too dark? Like my Dad?? no right answer for them.

Very frustrating and the woman was bang out of order

EmmaH2022 · 02/04/2022 22:58

Vlad "Most of my experiences have been from people trying to 'exoticise' me as I clearly look mixed but they just have to know the exact mix as if I'm a fancy cocktail."

Me too.

Sorry OP. It happens. I'm in London. I used to think it was swings and roundabouts but now I just think weirdos are everywhere all the time.

EmmaH2022 · 02/04/2022 22:59

@Pumasonsatsumas

'your father must have been a donkey, look at you'
I like this 😂