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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you go to a bride's hen should she invite you to the wedding?

39 replies

Ihaveadoodle · 02/04/2022 16:49

I have a big family but a few of my other girl cousins around the same age would be very close. We don't see eachother often but we meet up once a year and have always invited each other to weddings.

One of my cousin's had her hen the last weekend before pay day in January (I know...). We were asked to come and myself and the other cousins went. Except us there were 10 others.. bridesmaids and members of the groom's family and two girls she works with.

With the exception of myself and cousins everyone left the hen early after dinner. The bride wanted to go dancing so we made this happen.

The bride got married this weekend.. I wasn't expecting an invite to the wedding but considering we all paid for hotels, taxis, outfits, lunch, dinner, drinks and the bride's share.. I thought at least an evening invite!

Waited all week for a text to say come one down to the evening part.. nothing!

Am I crazy to think this was super rude?

OP posts:

DarleneSnell · 02/04/2022 18:20

Totally rude and a liberty to let you take her out knowing she'd have 160 others on the day and you wouldn't be one of them!

2Gen · 02/04/2022 18:21

@Ihaveadoodle

In Ireland here where I am from it would be normal for a WhatsApp message to go around the week of the wedding for an evening party

We're in Ireland too and haven't any smart phones, but we've been invited to plenty wedding "afters" and I would certainly think if you a cousin AND at her hen, your cousin should at the very least have got word to you to come to the afters! Very ignorant of her, fierce bad form!

Flowerbedflora · 02/04/2022 18:23

I don't think going to the hen necessarily equates to an invite, but in your case it should given you're cousins. I went to my sisters sister-in-laws hen as it was just a fun night out. Didn't go to wedding.

JackieWeaversLaptop · 02/04/2022 18:23

I find it strange you weren’t invited. I’ve always thought that hen do guests will be the bride’s closest friends and family, so they’d definitely be invited to the wedding.

cigarettesNalcohol · 02/04/2022 18:28

Yes it was rude of her

Gonnagetgoing · 02/04/2022 18:33

Very rude especially as you’re family.

5329871e · 02/04/2022 18:50

I thought you’re supposed to have your closest female friends at your hen do, i.e. it’s a somewhat more exclusive event than your wedding? Definitely odd not to also invite you to the wedding.

urbanbuddha · 02/04/2022 19:03

Maybe her parents were paying for the wedding? So the aunts and uncles were invited and the cousins were meant to be covered by the hen. Still a bit strange and rude to not even ask you to the evening though.

RoisinD · 02/04/2022 19:31

In Ireland to not invite you to the 'afters' is super rude. Has anyone else commented and were there others not invited? It will have been noted and no doubt talked about. 'Afters' are usually the best part of an Irish wedding sometimes continuing until the following day.

ladycarlotta · 02/04/2022 19:54

@EinsteinaGogo

Depending on the size of the wedding, not everyone who is invited to the hen do will necessarily be invited to the wedding (work colleagues etc).

I would imagine you'd know if you were on the guest list before the hen party, though. Did you not?

The wedding was 160 people and there were 10 at the hen do before cousins. This isn't like it was a huge hen do of 30+ people, it was quite select! I think in this scenario, if they were close enough to the bride to be at her hen, they should definitely be close enough to come to the wedding.

Mind you, I always find hen dos to be a really nice icebreaker ahead of the wedding - getting to socialise with all the brides' friends from other areas of her life make me look forward to seeing them again on the big day, so I'd never not invite a hen to the wedding.

winterchills · 02/04/2022 20:01

I would be fuming especially if it was my cousin and you said you are close. You were good enough to go to her hen do 😡

ThatsBullshirt · 02/04/2022 20:16

It does seem odd to me to invite someone to a hen do but not the actual wedding - even if only an evening invite. Surely if someone is considered important enough for a hen do then they should get some sort of invitation for the big day?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/04/2022 22:30

Did she not just assume you'd all go for evening? Seems a shame for you to miss out especially for a big do.

FurbleSocks · 02/04/2022 23:19

This happened to me in my 20s. I went on her hen do and because hen dos and weddings were so far apart in those days I completely forgot about the fact eventually that I hadn't gone to a wedding to follow up from the hen do. Was a friend and the others were invited. Very weird but I just decided to phase out the friendship.

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