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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be nervous for my daughters first sleepover?

49 replies

argbooker · 02/04/2022 15:15

My daughter is 8, almost 9 and tonight her friend is coming over for her first sleepover. My daughter has never had anyone stay over but her friend has stayed at others before.

However, I'm a bit nervous, nervous that my daughter will get tired and overwhelmed and act out, worried that the girl will get homesick, worried they won't have fun.

What is my role? I offered to take them to the park, they said no. I'm taking them to McDonalds for dinner where they have requested they sit in alone whilst I stay in the car 😂 then we are going to get face masks they can do later. And they've said they will watch a film. There's plenty of snacks and treats and they've just been playing with my daughters hamster and have now went to the park across from the house.

Do I just let them do their own tonight or should I try and structure the night a bit? Im dreading the 'we're bored' and don't want the little girl to go home thinking it was the worse sleepover ever.

OP posts:

fiorentina · 02/04/2022 15:18

Tea, film and snacks is usually fine. I am sure they will have a great time.

Playplayaway · 02/04/2022 15:29

It sounds like you have planned it well. They're quite young so I would hover and watch for when they're getting overtired then suggest it's time to wind down and sleep.

SparklyLeprechaun · 02/04/2022 15:41

It's just a sleepover for 2, don't overthink it. They'll play like they would on a playdate, then climb in bed and giggle for a couple of hours.

caulkheaded · 02/04/2022 15:44

It sounds fine but I wonder if your insecurities are playing out here? ie worrying if the girl doesn’t have fun it’s your fault and therefore your responsibility to make sure everyone is happy?

Original poster

argbooker · 02/04/2022 15:50

@caulkheaded

It sounds fine but I wonder if your insecurities are playing out here? ie worrying if the girl doesn’t have fun it’s your fault and therefore your responsibility to make sure everyone is happy?

I think it probably is, I get like this if I'm having friends over for dinner or drinks etc. I get really worried they will be bored or won't like the food and won't want to come back. So I guess I feel the same about this as I worry that she won't want to be friends with my daughter anymore if she doesn't have fun. Bonkers I know 🤣

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 02/04/2022 16:08

You're going to leave 2 8 year olds alone in McDonalds?? You wouldn't be having my child to stay, that's for sure! Does the friends parent know they're in the park by themselves?
Your job as a parent ans in loco parent is is to keep them safe. They can entertain themselves, and if you are worried about them being overtired, get them into bed at a sensible time. They are not teenagers.

reluctantbrit · 02/04/2022 16:24

I remember the first time DD and her friend decided that sitting next to a parent in a cafe was the ultimate embarrassement. So I settled down on a nearby table.

Park - depends what they are normally allowed to do.

We always had quite strict rules for sleepovers, including removing DD from her room if things got out of hands.

In all the times we had one case where we dropped a girl back home around midnight. We knew her since toddlerhood, they had sleepovers before but she suddenly went through a clingy phase and we weren't the first one where it didn't work out. For a while we stuck to pj parties and the girls were collected around 11pm instead and after a year all was suddenly well again.

Yes, she will be tired tomorrow, just let her go back to bed if necessary and keep it simple for the day.

Original poster

argbooker · 02/04/2022 16:28

@DelphiniumBlue

You're going to leave 2 8 year olds alone in McDonalds?? You wouldn't be having my child to stay, that's for sure! Does the friends parent know they're in the park by themselves? Your job as a parent ans in loco parent is is to keep them safe. They can entertain themselves, and if you are worried about them being overtired, get them into bed at a sensible time. They are not teenagers.

Oh behave yourself 😂 I live in a safe estate and can see the park from my kitchen window. My daughters friend has been here many times and they've went to the park so yes, the mum is aware and no, it's not a problem. McDonald's, I will be parked where I can see the door, there's windows all around it, what do you think will happen exactly? And once again, yes mum is fine with it.

I'm aware they're not teenagers but I also think a bit of safe independence is a good thing, I'm not giving them money and sending them into town, I'm literally 20 feet from them at all times. Maybe your child isn't as mature as my daughter

OP posts:

Thewheelsfalloffthebus · 02/04/2022 16:43

I’d sit at a different table with a book rather than in the car in McDonalds. Partly because I would feel annoyed at the suggestion I should pretend I don’t exist and be less comfortable than they are.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/04/2022 17:24

My dd 8 had her first sleepover for the first time last night. I let DD take charge and plan some things they wanted to do. We also discussed food before - they made their own pizzas last night and that worked well, then a midnight feast early evening. It worked out really well although they chatted very late and were tired today!

The park and McDonalds, those wouldn't happen here but I'm in a city and it would be too busy to monitor children from afar. I would sit on another table from my 10yo but haven't been asked yet!

hardhairandgrease · 02/04/2022 19:38

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Some people are very dramatic on mumsnet and need to cut the apron strings.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 02/04/2022 19:43

McDonalds idea is great, honestly, that pp is doing her DC no favours by wrapping them in cotton wool.

At that age, the less they see of you, the more they'll enjoy it IME. (Which is fine by me.)

Mumdiva99 · 02/04/2022 19:47

They will be fine. I usually start to make bed noises around 10 if they haven't forecast with 10:30 lights out.....that's late enough in my eyes and it's not a birthday etc so you are setting a precedent for future sleep overs.

I'm sure they will have lots of fun.

Mumdiva99 · 02/04/2022 19:48

Not sure what autocorrect forecast was. 🤔

Kitkat151 · 02/04/2022 20:04

@DelphiniumBlue

You're going to leave 2 8 year olds alone in McDonalds?? You wouldn't be having my child to stay, that's for sure! Does the friends parent know they're in the park by themselves? Your job as a parent ans in loco parent is is to keep them safe. They can entertain themselves, and if you are worried about them being overtired, get them into bed at a sensible time. They are not teenagers.

Are you for real? 🙄

Lavenderlid · 02/04/2022 21:04

McDonald's, I will be parked where I can see the door, there's windows all around it, what do you think will happen exactly?
Toilets. And anyone watching the children knowing there isn't a parent there. I'd be surprised if you were allowed to do that actually (as in, Macdonald's don't want to be in charge of your dc)

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 02/04/2022 21:07

@Lavenderlid

McDonald's, I will be parked where I can see the door, there's windows all around it, what do you think will happen exactly? Toilets. And anyone watching the children knowing there isn't a parent there. I'd be surprised if you were allowed to do that actually (as in, Macdonald's don't want to be in charge of your dc)

This would be my fear, the toilets. Can't see who's gone in, who's come out.. can you sit at another table?

hardhairandgrease · 02/04/2022 21:33

So dramatic

MaryShelley1818 · 02/04/2022 21:36

There is no way I'd let 2 8yr olds eat alone in McDonald's. That's just unnecessary at that age and really inappropriate. I'd also think my child was being pretty rude expecting me to sit in the car outside. I work in CP though so possibly do see what could go wrong more than most.
I think secondary age fair enough so 11ish.
Then again I think 8yrs old is too young to be out in the street alone going to a park too.

Your comments about your daughter being "more mature" are really silly. It's not about maturity at all, you're showing you don't understand the risks.

Other posters have good suggestions, making pizzas, ordering in, watching dvds/movies. They're only 8, still very young children and will be happy just giggling and playing together.

backtobusy · 02/04/2022 21:43

At 8 I'd be sitting at another table, not outside in the car ( which doesn't sound great for you)

But I'm sure they will have a lovely time.

Original poster

argbooker · 02/04/2022 21:46

@MaryShelley1818

There is no way I'd let 2 8yr olds eat alone in McDonald's. That's just unnecessary at that age and really inappropriate. I'd also think my child was being pretty rude expecting me to sit in the car outside. I work in CP though so possibly do see what could go wrong more than most. I think secondary age fair enough so 11ish. Then again I think 8yrs old is too young to be out in the street alone going to a park too.

Your comments about your daughter being "more mature" are really silly. It's not about maturity at all, you're showing you don't understand the risks.

Other posters have good suggestions, making pizzas, ordering in, watching dvds/movies. They're only 8, still very young children and will be happy just giggling and playing together.

I'm a social worker so also very aware with what could go wrong. Ok, it's not all about maturity levels, but that's an aspect, she needs to be mature enough to not step out in front of a car, she needs to be mature enough to not speak to strangers etc. You're speaking about molestation, kidnap, murder etc. which are extraordinarily rare occurrences and very unlikely to happen when I am within 20 feet of them and they are constantly in my line of vision.

How can you say that 8 is too young to let them out at a park when you don't even know the area or the set up? I think that's really silly of you to make such a blanket statement. At the end of the day each child is different, each parent is different, some wrap their kids in cotton wool, others give them more freedom. This wasn't what this thread was about in the first place anyway.

OP posts:

Lavenderlid · 02/04/2022 22:06

You were doing well till the "cotton wool" comment.

ididntevennotice · 02/04/2022 22:15

This would be my fear, the toilets. Can't see who's gone in, who's come out.. can you sit at another table?

But even if OP were sitting with the girls she wouldn't know who had gone in and out of the toilets. She is a mum not a toilet inspector.

Original poster

argbooker · 02/04/2022 22:20

@Lavenderlid

You were doing well till the "cotton wool" comment.

How so?

OP posts:

Blueeyedgirl21 · 02/04/2022 23:08

This is mumsnet OP don’t worry - there’s people on here who won’t leave a 17yo overnight in case the house burns down or someone knocks on the door and it’s scary for them. Then 6 mos later they’re asking which halls at Whatever prestigious uni they’re kids got into is best, dropping them off and leaving them 😂

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