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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to sleep, not clean?

56 replies

Coldspring · 02/04/2022 14:17

We have a fifteen month old and have had a really rough week with sleep. Ds only wants me at night. (I know that the MN consensus is - tough, just make DH do it, but ds cries and so wakes me. In other words I don’t get any more sleep if DH helps and probably a lot less.)

I could just really do with a couple of hours sleep but DH wants to clean … AIBU to want this to wait? (Dh can’t get on with it while I sleep as he’ll be loud and anyway someone needs to watch DS.)

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 02/04/2022 15:46

What does a man wan't to clean so urgently, that's quite unusual. just nod off to sleep when you feel like it, your partner can take care of all things on his own, as in your baby and all the cleaning , babies and small children, can get used to everyday noises in the home, such as hoovering, radios on, or maybe a dog barking if someone comes to the door etc.

Name99 · 02/04/2022 15:57

So what's the suggestion you want OP?

You tell him no, you need to sleep and he cleans quietly or he doesn't clean at all

You need to communicate with him don't you.
What other suggestions so you want ?

TheNameOfTheRoses · 02/04/2022 15:59

If you didn’t need him to get up with you during the night, why does he need to you to be there to do the cleaning?
Surely he can do that on his own?

Don’t tell me he is asking YOU to clean rather than sleep whilst he is sitting on his arse please….

TheNameOfTheRoses · 02/04/2022 16:01

@Coldspring

I need to move to MN land. Everything is simple there.

Thanks.

It’s never so simple.

But it’s so also very often as simple as that.
I’ve learnt that the hard way but strong boundaries means that it can be as simple as saying ‘nope. Not now. I’m sleeping and I need some peace and quiet. Just take toddler out whilst I recover’.

TheNameOfTheRoses · 02/04/2022 16:03

Btw no you’re not stuck with them.
Your DP can still take the toddler out. Go o a shopping centre where they can run/walk. Put a waterproof on and walk around the block.
Put them in the pushchair and go wherever.

There are plenty of things you can do with a toddler when it’s raining.

Dishwashersaurous · 02/04/2022 16:06

Well if you won't go to bed what do you want?

Could you go to a friend's house and sleep.

Or sleep in the car?

Or just get into bed and ignore them and let exhaustion take over and sleep

Ionlydomassiveones · 02/04/2022 16:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

itsgettingweird · 02/04/2022 16:07

@Coldspring

Because if you can sleep with a hoover being run around, a toddler running in and out, doors opening and closing constantly …

You can’t. Well, I can’t.

Someone up thread suggested ear plugs.
BulletTrain · 02/04/2022 16:12

He doesn't want to clean. He wants to not watch DS for 2 hours by himself and thinks you can't argue if he cleans instead.

Scbchl · 02/04/2022 16:14

If I were you in future I'd compromise. Say we will tidy for half an hour together then I need you to take ds for a walk/to see your family/to soft play for a couple of hours because I really just need some sleep. Then for half an hour literally run the hoover round fast as you can, polish everywhere and get him to tidy the kitchen when you are doing that the rest can be left for later or the next day of the weekend.

WallaceinAnderland · 02/04/2022 16:17

OP you are saying that your husband is incapable of amusing his own child for 3-4 hours whilst you catch up on some sleep. Do you realise that? This is not normal.

TheHateIsNotGood · 02/04/2022 16:18

And, finally after nearly 20 years, I now know why it was great to have a baby completely on my own - no idiot to decide I needed to get up and randomly clean. I'd take at least a year of total sleep deprivation rather than put up with that sort of nonsense.

PinkSyCo · 02/04/2022 16:20

Because if you can sleep with a hoover being run around, a toddler running in and out, doors opening and closing constantly

Don’t you have a stair gate to stop your child going upstairs? Tell your DH to clean quietly and you will run the vacuum around when you wake up.

Daffodils22 · 02/04/2022 16:21

FFS god help you if you was a single parent! What a joke

TempName01 · 02/04/2022 16:22

He is being a selfish idiot but you need to be clear that you won’t be able to function if you don’t get a nap

SagaNorenLansrimMalmo · 02/04/2022 16:26

Take your duvet and the car and pull up somewhere quiet and sleep. Or go and sleep at a friend’s house. If any mate of mine called and asked to kip at mine for a couple of hours, I’d welcome them with open arms.

Ionlydomassiveones · 02/04/2022 16:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

KosherDill · 02/04/2022 16:31

@BulletTrain

He doesn't want to clean. He wants to not watch DS for 2 hours by himself and thinks you can't argue if he cleans instead.

Spot on.

Can you go to a friend or family member to sleep.

ponkydonkey · 02/04/2022 16:32

Ear plugs.. shut the bedroom door and tell him in no uncertain terms to knock himself out cleaning with 2 kids 🤣 but not the bedroom as you'll do that later (obviously don't)
And get a good nap in

VladmirsPoutine · 02/04/2022 16:33

Then stay awake and watch your son Confused

What else are your options here.

KosherDill · 02/04/2022 16:33

There's plenty to do in the rain. He just doesn't want to parent his child.

Nip that in the bud.

PinkSyCo · 02/04/2022 16:36

Does the toddler never nap?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 02/04/2022 16:37

Send dh out with the dc. Get an hour's sleep. He can clean when he gets back and you can watch dc.

Merryoldgoat · 02/04/2022 16:39

@Coldspring

That’s just the point *@Crunchymum*

He won’t. He wants to clean.

Well he’s a dick then, isn’t he? That’s what you need to address.
Madre123 · 02/04/2022 16:44

Tell him to fuck the fuck off and clean himself whilst taking care of the baby whilst you rest or he takes over tonight...ABSOLUTE JOKE😡