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Original poster

Toddler tantrums at the supermarket

63 replies

MooseBreath · 01/04/2022 22:19

Hi all. I've recently been the "victim" of my 22-month-old throwing a stream of tantrums in the supermarket. It has now happened 3 times in the past 2 months.

I am dealing with it by speaking calmly, telling DS we do not behave like that, and trying to either hold DS or keep him safe in the seat of the trolley. Luckily today, my mom was with me and so I warned DS that if he carried on, he would be removed from the shop (and when he continued being a terror, my mom took him out while I finished the groceries).

Am I dealing with this correctly? As much as I'd love to just leave the shop whenever he kicks off, we do need food in our house to survive, and I don't have anyone to watch DS while I shop. What else can I do?

OP posts:
Wnkingawalrus · 02/04/2022 08:07

Where on earth are you getting online groceries from with milk with a use by date within 2 days?! It’s always at least 7 days for mine.

Warszawa · 02/04/2022 08:12

The human brain takes 25 years to mature fully.

At this age your toddler is forming millions of new connections every day - it's amazing and at the same time leads to the outbursts of emotion as they can't regulate it yet.

Without being judgemental I'd steer away from viewing them as bad or negative - my own DD has her fair share of tantrums, and it's frustrating. But I've found if you view it from that perspective it helps you to have a little bit more patience.

As others have said if your choices are take them to the shop or get online delivery that's what it is.

He won't stop doing this for a while - it takes time to grow out of it, as well as direction from parents, but time and a maturing brain are the biggest factor by far.

If you are worried about short dated food buy milk and other things like that from a local shop. You've got to be a bit more imaginative because you can't skip these stages.

CorpusCallosum · 02/04/2022 08:13

Came to say click and collect, I do exactly the same as @Latecomer131 when I have DC with me!

Also, agree with PP about empathising when they are struggling. In a way it's great you know that supermarkets are a trigger for his big feelings. Now, you can approach improving his response in a strategic way...

  • Recognise that supermarkets can be a place of sensory overload. They are bright and loud, the child is restrained and lacks control. As adults we would get pissed off pretty quickly in those circumstances!
  • For a while stop thinking about going to the shops as being about getting shopping in, instead it's an exercise in supporting him to develop coping strategies for difficult environments.
  • Pick your timing; when he's fed and napped, in a good mood. That's your time to go.
  • Grade his exposure; if you know he's going to get grouchy after 10min go in for 5. Buy one thing, leave and give him a tonne of praise/ a reward for doing so well. Probably a bit young for sticker charts but I bet a chocolate button would go down well.
  • Gradually increase his exposure and keep rewarding as you go.
  • You'll find coping strategies that work for him. Things that focus/engage him in the task are likely to have bigger benefits long term than distraction. You can try giving him a job like holding the self scanner, or make the shopping list into a treasure hunt. Overall you want the experience to be positive for him so if all else fails give him a French stick 😉
  • There will be times it doesn't go to plan. Leave the shop, let it go & try again.

Good luck 💐

Emmacb82 · 02/04/2022 08:57

Is he throwing tantrums because he knows you will get him out of the trolley? I don’t enter a supermarket with my 2 year old without him either being in a trolley or pushchair if it’s only a couple of items. And if he tantrums I know it’s only noise and he can’t run away or cause me any more stress because he’s contained! It’s very difficult though but you have to remember that most people are sympathetic, and most other parents with toddlers are wondering when it’s their turn 🤣

Wheniruletheworld · 02/04/2022 09:00

@FreezyFreezy

I was in tesco the other day and a young child was having a proper mad tantrum about something. The mum just seemed to serenely keep going, holding his hand, and continue her shopping. I have no idea how she did it! I used to wait until dh came home and go to the supermarket by myself to do it in peace!
Bet the rest of the shoppers were delighted!
Cyw2018 · 02/04/2022 12:13

Without being judgemental I'd steer away from viewing them as bad or negative - my own DD has her fair share of tantrums, and it's frustrating. But I've found if you view it from that perspective it helps you to have a little bit more patience.

This.

If my DD (4) has a tantrum, i reflect on what I could have done differently, and change my behaviour accordingly.

The last epic tantrum DD had was just after my she had increased her days at playgroup/ preschool, when I took her straight to Matalan after gymnastics, just to get something quickly. She got distracted looking at things, so it took longer than expected, then hunger kicked in and I had forgotten snacks, then she found a pink fluffy cushion she loved which I wasn't buying for her and all hell broke loose.

None of that was my DDs fault, she wasn't being a 'terror', she didn't need to learn anything from the shopping experience. It was all on me. She was tired, hungry and overstimulated, it was my fault as an adult for putting her into that situation, not her being 'bad'.

Chely · 02/04/2022 12:22

We have twins, one was good as gold and the other would shriek and continuously try to climb out of the trolley. She stopped after a while as she realised I was more stubborn than her.

I always think of the Vic's advert where mum throws herself on the floor and has a paddy in front of troublesome child when I see kids doing it.

ThinWomansBrain · 02/04/2022 12:28

If it's kept in the fridge milk is fine for up to a week beyond the sell by date.

jackstini · 02/04/2022 12:54

You could do all the tins, packets, cleaning stuff etc. online then just nip to buy fresh

Online you can also request minimum best before dates

Buy filtered milk - lasts 1-2 weeks

And you are dealing with it fine Smile

DuvetHugger · 02/04/2022 13:04

I have a 22 month old. Fun aren't they Grin

He is very prone to meltdowns, I usually just talk softly to him and carry on, oh amd snacks, always always take snacks.

I also do scan as you shop to avoid long waits at tills

Mariposista · 02/04/2022 13:28

Don't do online - he needs to learn how to behave in public. Try getting him involved in the shopping with games. Like 'can you point to me 5 items which are blue/orange/red etc'. Can you get me 3 bananas. Loads of praise when he does it well, and if he does a while shop without misbehaving, he can have a treat when he gets home / sticker on reward chart etc. And obviously avoid taking him when he is hungry etc.

Duchess379 · 02/04/2022 22:04

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks in the store. If DC is having a meltdown, ignore them & crack on shopping. You've got to eat. 👍🏼

Highfivemum · 02/04/2022 22:15

Mum of 6 DC so have experienced all sorts of shopping nightmares. With one of my DC I would just talk about which item I should buy. I would just grab the nearest thing and say should I buy this or the other one. I would talk to myself and within a short time my DC would try and show me Which one. With one of my others the only thing that worked was deliberately picking up and item and calling it something else. That always snapped them out of it as they would want to tell me I was wrong. I am sure you will find out what is the best way. Most of the time you can stop one before they come by spoting the signs

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