Toddler tantrums at the supermarket

[MooseBreath]

Hi all. I've recently been the "victim" of my 22-month-old throwing a stream of tantrums in the supermarket. It has now happened 3 times in the past 2 months.

I am dealing with it by speaking calmly, telling DS we do not behave like that, and trying to either hold DS or keep him safe in the seat of the trolley. Luckily today, my mom was with me and so I warned DS that if he carried on, he would be removed from the shop (and when he continued being a terror, my mom took him out while I finished the groceries).

Am I dealing with this correctly? As much as I'd love to just leave the shop whenever he kicks off, we do need food in our house to survive, and I don't have anyone to watch DS while I shop. What else can I do?

DS had his first shopping tantrum this week. I just sort of ignored him but tried to distract him at the same time.
Tantrums don't phase me now. I have two older ones so have been through it all before twice. I know it doesn't last.
I'm surprised you have a problem with online delivery we've used a few different ones and it's always been fine. Maybe try a different shop? Might have a better delivery service.

I only ever do online deliveries these days but have dealt with a tantruming kid in public loads of times. It's not fun but I have learnt to do the serene thing and ignore the tantrum and wait for it to pass. It is embarrassing AF when you have a toddler screaming in a pushchair or trolley, but I always found that once they hit the proper tantrum stage, no amount of reasoning/cuddles/distraction is going to make any difference. With my DC the quickest way to get over a tantrum was to ignore, and lo and behold they would eventually stop very suddenly, as if a switch had been turned on. It's very odd. I get that it's awkward in a supermarket so I would probably take them to a quieter aisle or even outside and let them get on with it, and then carry on shopping when they're calm again.

Haha. I remember a time when my son kicked off in his pushchair on our way back from nursery, and he was squirming so much and sticking his feet through the footrest so that they touched the ground and I couldn't move the pushchair. I had to stop in the middle of the pavement to wait it out and I remember sitting on the grass quietly watching my son lose his mind whilst all the windows on the street were being slammed shut. It was very awkward but surprisingly I was ok with it. Eventually he stopped and we had a cuddle and we went home. Gotta love toddlers.

Sympathies
Some thoughts:
Something to eat while in trolley
Turn it into a game
Some sort of immediate reward if child able to grasp this.

At the supermarket I used there was a sit on deer that you could put 5p in and have a ride ... I used to tell mine that if they were good while shopping they could go on it at the end .... some little ones can get that.

Any toys you can take or a snack he likes that you can give just as you get into the supermarket? Those little books where you paint with water (and the water is in the pen) worked quite well for 15/20 mins with DD. I used to put DD in the pushchair do snack then toy to distract and a mad rush round the shop. Then if there’s a queue she’s stuck in the pushchair so at least it’s a limited time for a tantrum.

I do remember her having one monster of a tantrum at about this age and DH was with me, he took her back to the car and to try to get her to stop the tantrum he put her in the boot to make her laugh. The woman next to him was horrified thinking he was abducting her.

One of DM's favourite parenting stories was when I threw a tantrum in a shop. She walked away and hid (where she could still see me) behind some shelving at the end of the aisle.

I'm told that, having realised I was getting precisely zero attention, I stopped tantruming, stood up and never tried it again

I've had a kicking toddler under one arm, basket in the other. Walked away while he rolled around the Ilse floor screaming, just marched us both out if the shop and lots of other scenarios!; I don't care everyone's been there at some point!

I let mine stand in the main bit of the trolley and this solved lots of problems, he sat down in there and happily stacked the food or gave directions.

Deffo agree with snacks at all times and the shopping list game or 'find something red' give him a job. I let mine choose one thing of each colour and came out with three tooth marked peppers but we got round successfully.

avoidance if possible of any aisle with contraband.

Alot of it is learning boundaries so stick to them.

I as other have just stopped going with my child as it was easier for us both and he didn't end up overwhelmed. If you could shop your main bits for a month say if you mum could watch him then you can do shorter trips each week for fresh bits.

@Unsure33

I remember clearly my daughter doing this in a pushchair . I tried the reasoning bit . Then put down my basket walked outside , turned her away from me so she could not see me and let her get on with it without speaking . She suddenly realised no one was taking any notice and stopped .

Did that a couple of times and then it worked no more tantrums.

I am sure I was just lucky though .

I know several people who have done the same or similar and it worked for them, too.

I had this with my 4 year old when lockdown was lifted (he was not used to going in shops) as we had everything delivered for 2 years.
I just calmly sat of the floor with him and gave him a cuddle (I think it was the lights and a lot of people) and said just tried to explain all the different aisle and what they had. It worked after a few times and he likes shopping now.

Supermarket trips are really boring for kids, my DD is turning 2 soon and she also prefers running around pulling things off shelves, so I just don't take her any more.

We get fresh stuff in small frequent shopping trips so she doesn't have time to get bored. Then every other Friday, after bath and bedtime, my DH drives to the big sainsburys and does a big shop. He says it's usually really quiet on a friday evening (wonder why lol) and he puts an audio book on his headphones and kind of finds it relaxing.

We used to go out to bars on Friday nights but this is our life now

Ps when I was a toddler I was famous in our village supermarket and they called me The Screamer and The Destroyer. I vividly remember knocking over a shelf worth of chilled flavoured milks and the tops came off as they hit the ground, but they didn't charge my poor mum for them. (I didn't mean for them to spill! Just make a good clatter!)

As I say, supermarkets are just boring aren't they!!

I remember my last tantrum. I was lying in the floor (at home) kicking my feet and everyone walked off leaving me feeling like a total tit! I must have been quite a lot older than 2 to remember it but clearly walking off is pretty effective.

I found supermarkets hard. Very close in age kids. Eldest was a bolter. As soon as I could I got them to help and carry things. And then look for things that they could easily identify like the petit filou.

It's a shitty job with kids.

Our supermarket also had kids trolleys. Not sure if that's a think in the UK.

I’m going back a few years now but I remember dreading the supermarket when ds hit that age. What I did, and it might not work for everyone, was to pick up the free magazine, Tesco is good for this, and take it home and make ds his own shopping ‘list’ for next time. I’d cut out a few pictures of carrots and a couple of other things we’d need, obviously not the whole list and he’d stick them on paper and bring it with him for the trolley and tell him when one of his items was coming up so he needed to look out for them. I’m really not a Blue Peter mum but this and constantly chatting about colours of things and counting and getting him involved in it did help, not every time but chores are boring for everyone involved.

You have my sympathy op and anyone else shopping with small dcs, it does take a lot longer with the tantruming and distracting etc. I do think you’re right to stick to your guns and following through on removing him, obviously you can’t do it every time bit you have done it and he’ll know you mean it for the future.

Do a big online shop for all the non perishables.
Only go in person for the fresh stuff and go early in the morning after a good breakfast.
There was no online shopping when mine were little and I did find it was easier if they were not tired or hungry.
Make a list and get round as quickly as possible.

If he hates shopping/being in the trolley then trying to get him to behave in the shop/trolley by threatening to remove him from the shop/trolley doesn't really work

2.5yo DD can be a monkey in the shops. Things that have helped have been:

• Getting her to 'write' her own shopping list which she carries around
• Getting her to spot familiar items- a bit of responsibility for finding items on the shopping list
• I pass the items to her and she puts them in the trolley

-She gets to make some choices like 'this cheese or that cheese' or choosing which fruit she would like for her lunch

And basically whizzing around as quickly as possible! It's a boring activity and at that age they're not necessarily choosing to behave poorly, they're just expressing their feelings of dislike. Try to make it as fun as possible and distract, distract, distract.

Yes you are. I have parented 2 children through this stage. My 4 year old is going through a stage now that I remember his sister going through. Its a stage when nothing works. They don't understand and they get angry.

There's been times I've

Removed toys.
Turned the tele off
Left places
Talked calm
Raised my voice
Tried to bribe
Ignored.

No matter what you do sometimes they just don't come out the tantrum.but.... they always come out the stage eventually.

I remember my son being a dream and then I took him out one day with mu friend and her child. He was growling loudly in a national trust play area. I remember an older lady gasping at his noise and looking at me with her hand on her chest to let me know he'd startled her. He was kicking off about what he wanted from the cafe. Changed his mind about what he wanted after we started eating. He was running off ..... if I told this story to others some would probably say " he wouldn't get away with that with me"

But anyway that sort of behaviour carried on for 3 months! I hated taking him out. But he is slowly coming back around again now and he's more manageable.

Kids will always do this. You are a good mum.

I used to work in a supermarket.
Just give them something to eat - and we'll scan the empty packet.
Shopping can be boring for kids
But we used to make it a game
My son still loves coming shopping with me if he's up for the weekend
(He knows he'll get treats) thought we do pay before he eats them.

1. Your child is not being a terror, he is not coping. Think about why he may not be coping right at that point in time. Hunger (always carry emergency snacks), tiredness (review bedtime/map schedule, even if no longer napping, he may need downtime at certain points in the day, avoid going to supermarket at those times), overstimulation (as with tiredness he may need downtime, particularly if you have already done an 'activity' that day). I find with DD (4) that 99% of tantrums she has ever had are due to one, or a combination of these factors.

1. Like you did, stay calm, try to remove him to a quieter area in the supermarket and let him tantrum, offer a hug, and don't give a f*CK what anyone thinks (I actually got complimented on my calmness by the staff in Matalan when doing this, I felt anything but calm!!).

1. If you are outside in the carpark/ by the road, or get to that point as he isn't calming down inside the shop and you need to leave, then anything goes in order to keep him safe. Just calmly and clearly repeat to him, I'm "holding you like this to keep you safe"/"I grabbing your clothes because I'm worried you might run in front of a car" and bundle him into the car by whatever means. Then start trying to calm the situation down.

1. Grocery delivery service!

Never had full tantrums but definitely big cries!! But then doing a big shop takes soo long!

What I could suggest is:

no1 store pickup: do online shopping for store pickup of the things you always buy, like milk, rice, cereals.... and before you pick up you can do a quick shop of fresh groceries

No2 scan and go: game changer!!! It's so much easier! Organise all your bags in the cart and just throw things in as you go along. You won't need to be dealing with standing in line, placing groceries in the belt with a super tired cranky child. If you child is old enough they can help with scanning

I disagree with online or click and collect shops. Children only learn how to behave in the world if we let them experience it.

Get him to start helping you find all the things on your list. Give him choices of two items if there are things where it really doesn't matter - like banana bunches or yoghurts. Keep talking to him. Kids get bored when they're ignored. Tell him you really need his help looking for x.

Make it more fun.

My son brings his own little trolley seems to keep the tantrums to a minimum. His are absolutely epic and can last over an hour.

Sometimes I feel like screaming in the supermarket. I'm 43.

So many people have to rely on home deliveries especially the elderly - so your food should be as fresh as when you go to supermarket. Have you got room for an extra half size freezer - they take quite a lot?.

I remember those days...my friend and I once meet in the supermarket running in different directions after our children having tantrums. I found the best thing that worked was to to change the subject but silly mummy can't find the milk. Where would the milk be etc. I also need to buy milk regularly as we get through so much, can't freeze as no room in freezer and fridge too small for more than two large bottle s. I can't get another fridge and freezer as I can't afford it and we a tiny house, no garage and this fridge freezer only thing that fits in the one space that's available. I understand x

I used to go armed with snacks for them to eat in the trolley. Occasionally I'd let them watch Bing on my phone if they were getting bored.