To end things?

[Kione]

So you were all right of course...

I think I wrote my previous post on the 30 day max I think because I can't find it.

I don't want to drip feed but want to keep it short. I separated last year and a few months later started seeing a work colleague. All was great we talked about the future, he was very attentive; but he did some strange things, like leaving my house at midnight because he had to do a washing, I have proof that he wasn't seeing anyone else, we discussed here in previous chat ADHD and/or being in the spectrum, as he has diagnosed dyspraxia and being in a relationship with someone like that, you all gave good advice so I had my red flag scanner up.

He went home to visit family on Wednesday and after going out with friends and not talking all day yesterday, phone died (that's fine); he tells me he is going on a second break within the break, out of the country this time, still will be back on planned day. This is not so odd as he has an obsession with always looking at cheap flights and having a break. I also understand that.

But when I said to him that this sudden trip was a bit odd and made me a bit anxious, he replied:
"There's not a lot I can do about that I'm afraid xx"
I put a shocked emoji because is not at all something he would say usually; and he said:
"What am I supposed to say? xx"

Kisses are a habit. I asked him for a facetime call and said I was not going to bollock him (never have done), just chat, and he totally ignored me for the rest of the day. Conversation happened at around 9.30 am.

So it is not the trip per se, but his reply that really hurt. He is usually kind, helpful, sociable etc. except when he gets worried or stressed where he goes in his own world, he usually later apologizes calling it "flapping"
"sorry I was flapping a bit before, I am better now" etc.

I am just really sad and heart broken because I love him but I can see clearly that I can be with someone like this. And of course have the nagging thought of him being seeing someone else.

Wise thoughts please...

Thanks TAKENOSHITSHIRLEY.

I am so so for what happened to you. I can't imagine the pain. It really sounds like him, specially this " they do whats in their head at the time and whats best for them".

I am in a bit of shock but helps understanding and assimilating the fact that we are over.

I don't think you will work together. I suspect you need a different style of communication and more putting in than he is giving. Tbh your response to his trip would really confuse me if my bf sent it! Why can't he do that without giving you anxiety?! And fb stalking is never good - half the time my phone says I'm active and I'm not.

I wasn't stalking, he "liked" one of my posts.
I think the anxiety comes because it's not the first time he has changed plans and usually follows by silence, his phone battery dying, etc. And I could see it coming...

In other posts I said if he had communicated better it might have been ok, it's all kind of linked.

Hi OP, I can remember from your last thread that it was very obvious that your DP is not NT. I can't remember the full details, but I do remember that much. PP's who are suggesting you are anxious and needy, obviously haven't had the advantage of reading that thread. It's a heartbreaking situation for you, as he is almost certainly just being him, rather than trying to pull away or hurt/upset you. I doubt he feels any different towards you, and probably struggles to see why you are upset. The question is, can your self esteem and emotional wellbeing cope with his behaviours long term? He sounds a bit like having a 3rd older child, rather than a partner. I'd be having a really good think whilst he is away - remembering that your children are experiencing his inconsistency too., 💐

Thank you so so much.
I am not sure my self steem can take it. I have worked very hard from a dysfunctional childhood and I am very good at communicating my feelings and trying to work things out.

My children luckily only see him as a friend that sometimes comes to help with house things or a chat (we talk a lot about work!) and stays for dinner. No different from other friends. They have been around lovely temp colleagues/friends that left and we lost contact, they understand and I don't feel his inconsistencies have bother them at all.

Your post is very helpful.