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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is NOT unreasonable

75 replies

Lastqueenofscotland · 31/03/2022 15:51

A friend of mine has a little girl with some SEN/ASD including a lot of sensory issues.
She LOVES animals and my friend was keen for her to try riding at an RDA centre, I’m horsey and put her in touch with one with an excellent reputation.

As part of the SEN the little girl is quite particular about what she will wear especially on her head/face (hats/scarves etc are tricky) as such when they got to the RDA centre they couldnt get the little girl to wear a riding helmet.
As such she couldn’t ride.
My friend felt they should have let her ride as sensory issues are common and there must be an exception..
I can’t help but feel that no matter how well behaved the horse it’s a dangerous sport and ASD or not the little girls safety has to come first and if she won’t wear a hat she can’t ride.
Friend thinks this is not accommodating to her daughters needs?!
Trying to explain to her without her just using the discrimination argument back!

OP posts:

forrestgreen · 31/03/2022 18:01

I'd say an adjustment would be that she can come and visit the school with no lesson.
What about borrowing a hat to let her get used to it in a familiar setting

WonderfulYou · 31/03/2022 18:02

YANBU safety should always come first!

There was a similar thread not long ago and it was scary how many posters were pulling the discrimination card and saying they should have broken rules.

What you could suggest is if she brought a helmet (I believe you can get different colours) and the child added stickers to it to make it fun and then de-sensitises her to it by wearing it a bit everyday.

balalake · 31/03/2022 18:04

I agree OP with you, much as it is disappointing that the child could not take part.

choosername1234 · 31/03/2022 18:15

I think it is actually a legal requirement for all under 12s to wear a helmet when riding a horse

AllOfUsAreDead · 31/03/2022 18:15

Yanbu. She is an idiot. Hats are mandatory for under 16s in line with bhs guidelines. The riding school would lose their licence if they let her kid ride without a hat. One child is not worth enough to ruin their business.

ZenKaleidoscope · 31/03/2022 18:17

What about disabled people being exempt from wearing a mask?

AllOfUsAreDead · 31/03/2022 18:24

@ZenKaleidoscope

What about disabled people being exempt from wearing a mask?

Is this a joke?

FloralsForSpring · 31/03/2022 18:25

@ZenKaleidoscope

What about disabled people being exempt from wearing a mask?

Breathing is essential. Riding a horse is not

Fidodidit · 31/03/2022 18:31

My DD volunteers at an RDA. She doesn’t ride the horses but has to wear a hat all time she is working with the horses.

BoredZelda · 31/03/2022 18:34

Can we stop with the “it’s an insurance requirement”. if that is the reason, that’s not good enough as there are always exceptions. If it is safety issue, they are quite right.

But, it isn’t always the case a helmet is required. I have pictures of my daughter doing RDA at one of the biggest RDA centres in Scotland. She was not required to wear a helmet as she was tandem riding.

AllOfUsAreDead · 31/03/2022 18:51

@BoredZelda

Can we stop with the “it’s an insurance requirement”. if that is the reason, that’s not good enough as there are always exceptions. If it is safety issue, they are quite right.

But it is an insurance requirement. And I'm very surprised to hear of an rda centre being happy to let anyone ride a horse without a hat, which one was this?

It's a safety requirement and a rather important one.

BoredZelda · 31/03/2022 19:26

But it is an insurance requirement. And I'm very surprised to hear of an rda centre being happy to let anyone ride a horse without a hat, which one was this?

But it isn’t. There is nothing in the insurance that says every rider must wear a hat. What it says is the insurance company won’t cover any injury if the rider is not wearing a hat. All it needs is a disclaimer form signed by the rider or their parent. People hide behind “it’s an insurance thing” to cover their arses.

I’m not going to name the centre and have a whole load of people who think they know better piling on them for what they do. I’d post the pictures but it would be outing. You can believe/disbelieve what you wish.

BoredZelda · 31/03/2022 19:32

It’s a safety requirement and a rather important one.

Except individual cases can be different. We had the same crap from our daughter’s school when they did a “bring your bike to school” day. It is impossible for my daughter to fall off of her bike, but they still insisted she wore a helmet. She was at more risk in the playground any day in her wheelchair or walking frame than she was on her bike but they insisted she must have a helmet. What they were actually bothered about was the performative safety aspect of it and what other parents would do/say.

AllOfUsAreDead · 31/03/2022 20:08

I'm surprised as well that you've read their insurance documents in such detail. But you're really willing to risk your daughters head by not having her wear a hat? I hit mine off tarmac recently from falling from a horse, my hat stopped me from getting concussion. Without it, well I wouldn't be speaking at all. Even a fall in an arena can cause permanent damage to a head without a hat.

Disclaimers also don't always protect a business from a lawsuit, or help them win one. That rda centre is definitely putting itself at risk of a lawsuit that their insurance won't cover. It would ruin them. That sounds very stupid to me, not a great way to run a business.

Heathofhares · 31/03/2022 20:18

It is an issue for many riders with sensory issues at RDA. However as previous posters have pointed out it is a non negociable.

My branch of RDA has worked with many children with ASD/ sensory issues to introduce the riding hat. Children are encouraged to try wearing a variety of different hats at home. Sometimes children take a riding hat home to practice with and they can build up to a riding session over a number or weeks doing pony care etc. Until they are able to put it on. It is part of the activity.

Mostly this approach is successful, however on occasion children who cannot learn to tolerate the helmet have to stop coming.

It is the same as wearing a seatbelt in the car...

Heathofhares · 31/03/2022 20:22

For the posters saying their child didn't need to wear a hat at RDA it may be that they were doing hippotherapy which is a very different approach and typically only offered at specialist centres, not the many RDA groups who use a local riding school.

If the hat issue proves to be unsurmountable then in might be worth looking into such an option.

Notanotherwindow · 31/03/2022 20:29

Tell her the ground won't discriminate against her child's brains if she falls off.

NotNotNotMyName · 31/03/2022 20:31

Regardless of her disability, if she won’t wear a riding hat, she can’t ride.

Could she maybe go in a carriage or similar?

Herejustforthisone · 31/03/2022 20:36

Oh boy, you’re friend’s a fool. Not least because she didn’t prepare her daughter for this, seeing as she has known sensory issues.

Lineofconcepcion · 31/03/2022 20:37

@SilenceOfThePrams

In this situation, the reasonable adjustment is to consider allowing h the child to work with the horses without riding them - grooming, polishing saddles, that sort of thing. Possibly facilitating her leading one of them on reins but from the ground. Maybe riding a trap rather than the horse itself.

It would be reasonable to allow the child contact with the horses without wearing a helmet. It would be unreasonable to allow her to ride when the risk is so high.

Not so I'm afraid. Children should always wear a hat of the current BS even when leading from the ground, picking out feet, grooming etc. I've had several nasty kicks when on the ground, it isn't just a risk of falling from height. This is PC rules and good practice. I've kept horses for 40 years!

Brefugee · 31/03/2022 20:44

When i used to take my tiny DCs ice skating, helmets were mandatory. One of the ways they persuaded the reluctant children/parents (no SEN so this will only be appropriate for the parent here) was to drop a melon from child head height. Nobody ever refused. (they weren't allowed to skate without helmets anyway)

Fandangofran · 31/03/2022 20:49

She's ridiculous.

My ASD son has numerous sensory issues.

We make many allowances and accommodations for him.

He hates wearing his seatbelt and he hates wearing shoes so do I just let him go without? Hell no!

It's taken a lot of stress and training and desensitisation but he knows now he HAS to wear his seatbelt and, when we're out of the house, he HAS to wear shoes. He still hates it but if he refuses we just don't leave the house.

Safety is paramount.

LegMeChicken · 31/03/2022 20:52

Find her less dangerous animals to work with, like guinea pigs..?

SevenWaystoLeave · 31/03/2022 21:40

Your friend would be changing her tune if her DD fell and hit her head with no helmet on.

If she really wants her daughter to ride she needs to work on desensitizing her to the necessary safety equipment.

YANBU.

HairyScaryMonster · 31/03/2022 21:59

Does she wear a seatbelt in the car?

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