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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put a 4 year old back in nappies?

51 replies

Rubbishmum300 · 31/03/2022 12:51

My friend decided to do this saying that potty training has become a power struggle recently and she wants a break for both of them. Her DC was out of daytime nappies since age 2 but they had lots of ups and downs and currently the DC doesn’t want to cooperate at all. Do you think it’s a good idea or will it make things even harder in the long run?

OP posts:

Clarabe1 · 31/03/2022 12:51

I think it is sheer laziness tbh

17caterpillars1mouse · 31/03/2022 12:54

I thought this was going to be about a recently trained child regressing slightly and my answer would be no, persevere.

If the child has been trained since 2 and is now 4? I can't even believe she would entertain the idea to be honest

Original poster

Rubbishmum300 · 31/03/2022 12:54

You mean on the mum’s side or the child’s?

OP posts:

SatinHeart · 31/03/2022 12:54

Seems like an odd decision on the face of it, depends what's actually going on with the toileting. It it's to help while treating
constipation/withholding/disimpaction etc then it would make a bit more sense.

GreenWheat · 31/03/2022 12:57

I would look into the cause, since it's been so long since the child was potty trained. There must be more going on here.

Riapia · 31/03/2022 12:57

“A power struggle.”
FFS.

moofolk · 31/03/2022 12:59

Sounds like she's exhausted and is doing what she needs to do. She could probably do with friends being supportive rather than judgemental.

In the long run, who cares if a child is out of nappies at four? It will happen eventually.

SmellyOldOwls · 31/03/2022 13:00

Sounds like your friend started toiling training before the child was ready. I'm not sure how she's going to undo the mess she's made of it but I don't think nappies will be helpful.

comealongponds · 31/03/2022 13:00

I think you’re not a very good friend starting a thread about your friends struggle. I can’t imagine it’s a decision she’s taken lightly

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/03/2022 13:01

Is the child in nursery or school? What happens there?

NearlyHeadlessNick · 31/03/2022 13:04

They definitely shouldn't be going back into nappies!
We had a brief regression with our eldest and with perseverance, it passed as quickly as it started. Perseverance and routine is key.

Is the child at nursery? They often help. Our nursery was very reassuring and kept up our manner of doing things at home.

NearlyHeadlessNick · 31/03/2022 13:05

Also, they're nearly at school - they can't be going back into nappies when they should be thinking about school readiness!

Ponoka7 · 31/03/2022 13:06

It sounds as though the child wasn't ready at 2. Is the child withholding? I've got experience of that and it's a difficult habit to break. We had to put the 4 year old in a pull-up to poo. She withheld at school. But after about four months and her wanting to be like her peers, we got there.

SickAndTiredAgain · 31/03/2022 13:07

currently the DC doesn’t want to cooperate at all

What specifically do you mean though? And for how long?
I really doubt that after two years going back to nappies is the right move, but there’s not much detail here to go on.

Ponoka7 · 31/03/2022 13:08

@Riapia
"A power struggle.”
FFS."

You can't force children to poo on a toilet and binning six pairs + of knickers a day because you can't get the stains out takes its toll. Plus the smell when you are out.

BoodleBug51 · 31/03/2022 13:10

DD runs an early years department and they have horrendous ongoing issues with parents who can't be bothered to potty train. They've got 2 kids starting school in September who are still in nappies 24/7 and chats with either parent falls on deaf ears.

It's also very very rarely down to medical/sensory issues.

KELLOGSspeck · 31/03/2022 13:11

2 is quite young and if parents are struggling or the child should I say they should stop and try again later.

But at 4 perhaps there's an issue? Has the child had there urine tested?

You can buy Bambino washable pants with all lovely child friendly designs on.

TheOccupier · 31/03/2022 13:12

Why is she still describing it as potty training when it's been 2 years?! What they hell have they been doing for all this time? She must be knackered but rather than give up she needs to take LO to the GP. Won't this child need to start reception in September?

KELLOGSspeck · 31/03/2022 13:13

@comealongponds

I think you’re not a very good friend starting a thread about your friends struggle. I can’t imagine it’s a decision she’s taken lightly

This

Gowithme · 31/03/2022 13:22

I think if they get to four and aren't copying other children at nursery/school and wanting to use the toilet then I think actually there is a good chance there is some issue - as most children hate having their nappy changed even before age 4.

Mine was toilet trained at 4 but if he hadn't been the teacher might have put it down to my laziness as he wasn't diagnosed as having ASD until he was nearly secondary age. Just because a child doesn't have a diagnosis doesn't mean there isn't an issue that teachers aren't aware of. No one can say it's this mum's laziness - she's been trying since the child was 2! She'd probably be best using pull ups though rather than going back to nappies.

CaptainWentworth · 31/03/2022 13:29

I’m almost tempted to do this with DD (3.5) - I wouldn’t really, but I don’t know what to do with her. She trained at around 2y 4m really well, was soon dry at night without me having to do anything, and then went through a long period of taking herself off to the potty when needed and hardly any accidents.

We had DD2 6 months ago and for the last 3-4 months DD1 keeps wetting herself despite many many reminders to use the toilet or potty. She claims not to know even when her pants and leggings are soaking, and always says she doesn’t need a wee when asked. We have a star chart and a fancy new toddler step/ seat thing for the loo that she can use by herself- still sooo many wet pants (although she is ok sometimes). I know she can do it and it’s so frustrating! We give her loads of attention too- it is DD2 who gets less if anything, as it feels like DD1’s need for attention dictates everything!

We’ve tried nonchalance, expressing disappointment, occasional shouting (not ideal but it’s just so so frustrating!) and nothing seems to make any difference. Sorry to hijack thread but does anyone have any ideas? She generally seems to do slightly better at nursery although still has accidents there probably every other week (she attends 2 days a week). No probs at all with poo 🤷🏻‍♀️

Goldbar · 31/03/2022 13:36

If she's been actively trying since 2 and her DC is still having issues age 4, it sounds like she's had a horrible time of it and there's quite possibly some medical or other issue. In which case she needs support not judgement as she's certainly not 'lazy'. Taking a step back might be the best thing for them both but maybe encourage her to seek medical advice.

LtMoose · 31/03/2022 13:37

@moofolk

Sounds like she's exhausted and is doing what she needs to do. She could probably do with friends being supportive rather than judgemental.

In the long run, who cares if a child is out of nappies at four? It will happen eventually.

This

elbea · 31/03/2022 13:57

@Ponoka7 surely you don’t throw underwear away rather than wash it…

MissyB1 · 31/03/2022 14:04

@BoodleBug51

It's also very very rarely down to medical/sensory issues.

Yes I work in Early years, we have quite a few parents who literally can’t be bothered to start toilet training their kids. When we gently bring it up we get lots of “hmmm yeah must start soon I suppose…” or “oh yes I asked little Tommy but he didn’t really seem keen”

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